[Blueskies2020]

I have been divorced and no relationship with my daughters father for over 10 years. I have been single all this time. Focused on my daughter, my job and myself. I also knew what I wanted from a relationship and honestly, am still in love with someone I have been best friends with and known for a very long time. He is married and we might exchange a "how are you and the famy" messages a couple times a year. I knew he was happily married and that we would never be together but was happy with myself and my life so I was fine. Well, about 11 months ago he calls me, and tells me he and his wife separated, they are getting a divorce and I am the love of his life. He has his kids 3 days a week and does holidays, birthdays etc. with them. We talk daily, text daily and see each other from once to a few times a week. Things feel comfortable, easy and well...right with him. My only issue is he still hasn't filed for divorce. At first he just said there was a lot to sort out financially. Then he had to wait for taxes to get filled in October. Now it's still not filed because all of his assets are complicated but his account is working on it? My divorce was agreed with no assets, I did the paperwork myself so I don't know how this works. How long is reasonable to gather info before any filing? I do have to note that he has never lied to me about a single thing. Any advice or insight is appreciated

[sarahsweets]

Do you think he really wants to go through divorce?

[bpcyclist]

In my experience, people who really are committed to a divorce file. All that money stuff is actually irrelevant. Anything done after the separation will be closely scrutinized by the court. There is no moving around of assets that will stand if it is shown that they were designed to benefit him and not benefit her.

I think the best approach here is to be very direct and just ask him straight-up--why haven't you filed? Are you hoping to reconcile? Then see what you think of the answer.

Divorce is awful. He may be under the misapprehension that if he delays filing, he will somehow end up with 'more.' He won't. These things are largely on autopilot, based on the laws of the state he is in.

I wish you all the best. Sending you prayers and positive vibes.

[divine1966]

The guy is very much married. Isn’t even in the process of divorce. I’d advice against dating married people. If you think he is the right match otherwise, tell him to contact you again when he is divorced. If he seriously wants you, he’d file immediately

Also when you see each other, do you ever go to his house? The one where he lives alone, without her?

[~Christina]

My first marriage back in my 20’s .. we separated on January 18 and our divorce was final April 30th we have a daughter. We didnt own property so that wasn’t part of it. We had joint custody and he paid X amount child support we had a standard visitation schedule but we were both on board with him seeing her whenever he wanted.

But regardless he can certainly file for divorce even if there is property to sell that can be built into the divorce “when property sells each person gets X amount.

Who moved out? Will they have joint custody ?

I’d also ask directly about the divorce.

[Blueskies2020]

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.
To repond to the questions...
No, I don't think he wants to go through a divorce but it is something he says he wants to do/needs to do because they both agree they are happier apart. I don't think anyone wants a divorce in the sense that it isn't how they planned on the marriage going and it isn't a pleasant thing to go through, even under the best of circumstances
I have been to his house, we have dinner out and go see movies (We take turns paying so it's dutch, it's the only way I feel comfortable about it) but we have been and are keeping things on a friend only level. He never cheated on his wife and there is no reason to start now. He was and is a good friend and I want to be there for him, I do love him and want a future with him but I also don't want to do or have him do anything that would be a regret. I think there is a respectable way for us to do this and that is the best foundation to build upon, should we have a relationship.
He does have a lot of assets ranging from businesses to properties and just material things of great value. Although his wife never worked and, they were only married a few years, she didn't contribute to his businesses, houses, etc. there is still a lot to inventory and account for (I don't know how that split that up). Many of the assets are joint with his father and other entities as well so that adds to the complication.
I want to be there for him as a friend but at the same time I don't want to get myself hurt. It seems to be a very fine line.
Thank you all.