[MrsA]

Having a pessimist in the family really gets me down. They always have to mention the worse case scenario or remind you of something umpleasant you are trying to not think about. When you try to find a way through challenges (like chinese factories copying your products) they keep spewing doom and gloom and calling everything a failure.

Does anyone know how to get used to this or shut it down when they inject negativity into every thing you do? Like if you're doing a home repair or maintenance, you do it to the sound of them calling the house a piece of junk and wishing it would burn down. Or you're trying to work and they're calling the business a failure and amplifying negative aspects while arguing with anything postitive you say. It's as if they hate you for trying to say something positive becuase all positive statements sound like stupidity to them.

I wish I could learn to ignore it. It must be ugly and miserable inside the minds on such people.

[Crazy Hitch]

My partner's a lot like this. I call it out the moment I see it. It happens soooo many times I've lost count. He gets a mouth ulcer and thinks it might lead to cancer. I think it's because he suffers from anxiety. He's the kind of person who can't quite relax and the smallest of things set him off.

[divine1966]

My dad is like this. But I don’t live with him and hopefully never will unless he becomes incapacitated and will need full time care. But for now I visit, listen, nod, help around and go home.

I’d not be in relationship or marriage like that. I know how stressful it was for my mother

Now my husband worries about things going wrong. He has quite severe OCD and Tourette’s so it comes with the territory. But he is actually very upbeat and positive, he just a worrier re safety (his OCD is safety related) and need his compulsions to eliminate fears. Also therapy and things like meditation and breathing exercises help him a lot. Well plus he takes meds albeit low dose but it helps a lot

Does your partner see a therapist? Has some type of mental health concern? Or is he just a grumpy person?

[Have Hope]

Avoid this family member as much as possible. Can you? Or don't share with them much of your life's details anymore. Persistent negativity and pessimism are extremely toxic to a person's overall well-being. Avoid toxic people so that you can be happy, healthy and feeling good about yourself and your life.

[Have Hope]

[Be Still]

I think calling them out on it would work. Maybe they’re so used to being pessimistic that they aren’t aware when they’re doing it? Also frequently calling them out will become so frustrating for them that they start thinking of what they are saying.

If this doesn’t stop them from making negative remarks, you need to limit communication with them. Especially in response to anything remotely negative. This will send a clear sign of your lack of tolerance (also you keep your peace)

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

My partner's a lot like this. I call it out the moment I see it. It happens soooo many times I've lost count. He gets a mouth ulcer and thinks it might lead to cancer. I think it's because he suffers from anxiety. He's the kind of person who can't quite relax and the smallest of things set him off.

I'm very much like your partner. I hate myself for being that way. I guess that's why I don't do so well in relationships. I think it runs in my family. I've felt so much better being away from them.

It's very hard to call people out on it. I have a hard time doing it. My friend calls me out a lot with me. It hurts to hear it and very hard to change.

[MickeyCheeky]

I agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters about avoiding this person if you can, @MrsA! Or at the very least, limit your conversations with them. Perhaps you can also talk to them about ALL of this and tell Him or Her that this behavior is bothering you. Hopefully he/she will understand that and try to restrain him/herself! In any case, keep taking care of yourself! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @MrsA, your Family, your Friend, this Family Member and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[MrsA]

Thanks everyone for sharing your point of view. I do avoid them as kucn as possible but it's complicated.

I do think I need to call them out on it. When I did in the past, they actually deny having said thing things they said and became self conscious about saying the same things in the future. The hard thing is remembering to do it in the moment.

I do think thos person has mental illness, butnthey can only see other people's behaviors and think other people are negative. I think there is a major lack of self awareness. They also twist things people say and repeat read put emails or quote people in a nasty tone of voice because they read offenses on ordinary communications. I will have to learn to confront these behaviors as soon as they happen.

[BabyLoves]

I don't ever get used to people being pessimist in my family...I have accepted it because you can't change people. It stresses me out every time they open their mouths so I go to another room and keep to myself.

[MrsA]

Originally Posted by BabyLoves

I don't ever get used to people being pessimist in my family...I have accepted it because you can't change people. It stresses me out every time they open their mouths so I go to another room and keep to myself.

Yeah, that's how I spend most of my time. Good thing I don't mind being alone.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MrsA

Thanks everyone for sharing your point of view. I do avoid them as kucn as possible but it's complicated.

I do think I need to call them out on it. When I did in the past, they actually deny having said thing things they said and became self conscious about saying the same things in the future. The hard thing is remembering to do it in the moment.

I do think thos person has mental illness, butnthey can only see other people's behaviors and think other people are negative. I think there is a major lack of self awareness. They also twist things people say and repeat read put emails or quote people in a nasty tone of voice because they read offenses on ordinary communications. I will have to learn to confront these behaviors as soon as they happen.

This family member sounds toxic. Often with toxic people, confronting their behavior is unproductive and backfires. Typically this kind of person will twist whatever you say around, so there's almost no point.

You can always just change the subject, politely excuse yourself, say that you're busy and limit your conversation with this person to the bare minimum. That's what I would do. Confronting them may make it worse for you, without any resolution or acknowledgment of their poor behavior since they lack self awareness. That could be even more frustrating.