[Be Still]

I have a crush on this guy who is muslim and I am christian. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen or been in an interfaith relationship and do they work or is it just a recipe for confusion. I am devoted to my faith and I don’t want to compromise myself. I also know that God is Love. I just don’t want to be confused or feel guilty/ashamed about it anymore. Is it worth it?

[lizardlady]

Be still, my in laws were of different religions, though both were Christian. It worked for them.

[feb2020user]

I think it really depends on where you differ.

Possible trigger:

I'm a devil worshiper, but I've never had complications as far as faith goes in my relationships with Pagans or Satanists. We all generally agree on the importance of practising magic, nature worship, and practical polytheism. For us, those were always more important than whatever specific spiritual philosophies or deities we worked with.

Islam and Christianity aren't really that different, so I imagine that it's possible you would find a lot of agreement on the most important parts.

But I also know that monotheism tends to be dogmatic and evangelical. It's a lot harder for competing monotheists to have a relationship than competing polytheists, because they tend to see "true" and "false" gods and religions that polytheistic systems don't normally have. I see that tear even Christian relationships apart when they're different denominations, like Baptist and Catholic. So I think it really depends on the religions and the individuals adhering to them.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Be Still

I just don’t want to be confused or feel guilty/ashamed about it anymore. Is it worth it?

Why do you feel guilty and ashamed? Does your partner make you feel that way? If so, it won't work.

[Be Still]

Thank you @feb2020 it makes a lot of sense where the conflict may come from (we have competing monotheistic views). I also see the division sometimes between Christian denominations. I didn’t think I would mind that he has his own god but I think long term and maybe families and children involved?? It also becomes tied to culture. I feel like I’ve opened pandora’s box and I just want to close it.

@HaveHope I feel like I need to water down what I believe, almost make it as secular and non-offensive/political as I can. Almost stay at the level of “God is love”. But I feel like I’m suppressing a big part of me. He says if we have children they will be Religion-free until 17 years old! I asked him how that would look like for example and he couldn’t give me an answer. So I think he is also confused about how to tackle it.

[Skeezyks]

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of inter-faith relationships plus a link to DocJohn's article on how to know that you're with the right person:

The Emotional Challenges of Interfaith Marriage

7 Ways To Make Interfaith Relationships Work

Interfaith Relationships During The Holidays

6 Tips to a Joyous and Peaceful Interfaith Holiday Season

How Do You Know that You're with the Right Person?

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Be Still

@HaveHope I feel like I need to water down what I believe, almost make it as secular and non-offensive/political as I can. Almost stay at the level of “God is love”. But I feel like I’m suppressing a big part of me. He says if we have children they will be Religion-free until 17 years old! I asked him how that would look like for example and he couldn’t give me an answer. So I think he is also confused about how to tackle it.

Differing on religious beliefs and preferences, especially when they are strong beliefs, is a fundamental difference in beliefs that can divide two people. I don't think it's right that you have to suppress and water down what you believe in. In order to marry, one should be able to FULLY be their TRUE self... beliefs and all. It's not healthy to have to suppress a large part of yourself and to compromise or bend on your beliefs and values for a partner. Sadly, I personally don't think this can work out in the long run.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Be Still

I have a crush on this guy who is muslim and I am christian. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen or been in an interfaith relationship and do they work or is it just a recipe for confusion. I am devoted to my faith and I don’t want to compromise myself. I also know that God is Love. I just don’t want to be confused or feel guilty/ashamed about it anymore. Is it worth it?

yes inter faith relationships can and do work. it isn't the faiths that say whether a relationship works or not. its how committed to the relationship each person involved is on making it work.

um as for the specific religions you mention they both have their good sides and bad sides. the best way to make the two work together successfully is by doing your research and being fully informed. before entering into any muslem Christian relationship you might want to read the book Not With Out My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody it details one woman's struggles after marrying into a Christian - muslem relationship. its based on a true story and details what her inter faith marriage was like, and much more.

this way at least you can make your decisions while being fully informed of what to expect and what it will be like should you go ahead with this relationship.

[Have Hope]

I think if you marry him and have children, yet bring the children up religion free, what happens to your own beliefs and religion? Do you suppress that even further for the sake of the kids? How do you practice your own beliefs in that kind of relationship dynamic? It seems like you would disappear and disintegrate a large and important part of yourself for the sake of this relationship. To me, that's unhealthy.

[Be Still]

Thank you for the comments friends ♥️ And for the articles and book recommendations!

Thank you @HaveHope I feel a huge sense of relief. Even though like @Amanda said a relationship can work as long as the two individuals are willing committed participants, I think our foundations are built differently. I respect him so much and besides beliefs he is a very sweet person but I haven’t met his family or his friends, or his community and I know it’s just going to overwhelm me (especially because I’m a woman marrying a Muslim man so they are inclined to assume stronger authority about how we end up living).

[Twilight1227]

Originally Posted by Be Still

I have a crush on this guy who is muslim and I am christian. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen or been in an interfaith relationship and do they work or is it just a recipe for confusion. I am devoted to my faith and I don’t want to compromise myself. I also know that God is Love. I just don’t want to be confused or feel guilty/ashamed about it anymore. Is it worth it?

I am sure it can but I have alot of arguments with my boyfriend, I love him very much and he is very sweet, The problem is that I have is he is a Athletic and I am a Christian, He does not believe in God or the things I do, I believe and love God very much and put him first, I dont know what to do

[Be Still]

That’s a sticky one! I think for me when I started thinking about starting a family that’s when our faiths started becoming a sticky point in my mind. Do you see yourself marrying him?

[sarahsweets]

Are you serious with this person to the point of you being able to see having kids with him in the future?

[SlumberKitty]

For me, it wouldn't work. My faith is too closely tied to who I am. I'm sure there are examples on both sides of the issue where it worked or where it failed. Just I know for me personally, it wouldn't work. Best of luck to you. Kit

[sarahsweets]

If you plan on having children its important to decide religious issues before you get married and have them.

[Be Still]

Thank you @sarahsweets ♥️ At this point I honestly cannot see myself marrying him. I’m in my mid 20s so I don’t want to be in a relationship that may possibly end the way I’m picturing it. We are not committed yet to each other, so I have time to call whatever this is quits!

I never knew someone’s beliefs would mean so much to me. I always thought it’s just personality and having similar interests. But I’m also tired of having shallow connections with people. I’ve never been in a deeply connected relationship. Maybe that’s why things like belief are starting to pop up?

[Twilight1227]

I am a Christian and my fiance is a atheist and he is cutting down God to me every day, Trying to make me feel bad, Sometimes I wonder if he is trying to lose my faith, But no matter what, I keep strong, I am not even allowed to mention God in his presence because he does not want to hear about it

[Twilight1227]

What ever my fiance does not agree with He is always right and I am always wrong, I want to leave him at times, But something keeps me holding on, He can be very sweet but he argues with me at least once a day, I cant take the arguing anymore its driving me crazy, I think he is a abuser emotionally and dont know what to do, Sorry I brought this up it didnt have to do with the subject at hand

[Be Still]

Atleast you’re not married yet. You have time to assess the relationship. I hope you stay strong and remember what you deserve ❤️

[divine1966]

It depends on if you plan on having children. I am Jewish and my husband is Christian. We are happily married so it’s clearly not an issue. But we are not having kids together. (We do have kids from first marriages).

Prior marrying my husband I had a long term significant other we lived together with and he is Muslim. Again no faith issues but again we had no kids together.

I’d not be in inter faith relationship if I planned having kids with the person unless they’d be ok with me raising kids Jewish as it’s important for me. So for me it boils down to raising children.

If you potentially thinking of raising children with this person then I think it might be an issue. If not, I personaly am ok with being in inter faith marriage. We try to incorporate both our traditions into our lives

[Twilight1227]

We both have grown children and my children are Christian and his grown children and whole family are atheist, We all ready are married in a since, It just causes arguments all the time, I also know his family really does not like me, I feel it and just know, Its intuition and I know I am right, I dont think that myself and children should shut our mouths because he doesn't want to hear it, I dont preach to him, I dont even go to church myself because I haven't found one for me that I like, I just feel like he is a control freak and down right mean at times

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Twilight1227

We both have grown children and my children are Christian and his grown children and whole family are atheist, We all ready are married in a since, It just causes arguments all the time, I also know his family really does not like me, I feel it and just know, Its intuition and I know I am right, I dont think that myself and children should shut our mouths because he doesn't want to hear it, I dont preach to him, I dont even go to church myself because I haven't found one for me that I like, I just feel like he is a control freak and down right mean at times

I think religious differences is the least of the problems with him. I am sorry you have to deal with it

[TishaBuv]

Some religious work better together than others. Some culturally clash. It sounds like your bf is not very religious. His family may be more religious and your difference might be an issue to them. If you don’t want to marry him, I don’t think you have an issue. I agree having children together causes an issue. Some religions make it impossible to do both. By observing one it cancels the other.

[bubbles00]

I come from a Muslim background so maybe I can shed some light. According to Islam technically as a Muslim man he can marry women from the Abrahamic religions. However this all depends on how religious he/his family is. Some of the non-religious men/women don't really care. Even in that case it boils down his family as well. In most cases parents are usually conservative and you'll face a lot of resistance trying to get accepted in his family. It is not uncommon for Muslims that are dating outside their faith to hide their relationship from their family and will only bring it up when they start getting 100% serious about you and want to marry you.

When it comes to children that's a whole different ball game. Even if he wasn't religious he would probably want his children to be raised as Muslims as you would like to raise them as Christians. That would be something you would need to talk to him about and whether having children together is an option without fighting.