I haven't posted here in awhile but I'm really in need of some support so I thought I'd give it a try. For the past 18 months I had been living in a halfway house and I made a close friend there who has a similar history to mine. We became very close to her to the point where I thought of her as a second mother.

I had warned her a few months back that an apartment had called me and said they would have a vacancy soon. She didn't want me to leave, citing that I had recently been hospitalized and still needed the support of the halfway house. Nonetheless I thought about and decided to move anyway, which I did at the end of February.

When I first moved out we still talked but gradually it became less and less. On Monday she sent me a text basically saying that I could text or call anytime, but that its her choice if she will answer or not. I told her I respected that, but ever since she's been ignoring any texts or calls. I've tried to decrease the frequency of my attempts and let her come to me, but it's been hard.

I really miss her and am very worried about losing the friendship. She has a ton of attachment issues as do I, and I know she's cut people out of her life before. If anyone can give advice or support, is greatly appreciated.

[Open Eyes]

Hi iPhone, sorry you have been faced with this challenge. It sounds like this woman was triggered when you left and some abandonment issues probably resurfaced for her. The only thing you can do is give her some space and just text her that you care but that you don't want to bother her or invade her in any way. Then you can simply say that when she feels she can reach out then to text you.

None of us can "make" someone else do anything other than what that person is capable of doing. It has not been all that long so give her some time to respond.

Some relationships are difficult, we can only do our best.

[seesaw]

Hey Anna,

Glad to see you're doing well and moving out into your own place. I think you sort of answered the question yourself. You know this is about her and her abandonment issues. What does your therapist say about it? I mean, you can't force her to respond to you. I think you can only leave the ball in her court. Maybe be understanding since you know she is struggling with her own issues. It also sounds like maybe she was a little dependent on you, and she wanted you to stay, maybe for her own support, and you leaving feels like leaving her behind. I'd focus on your friends who are there for you right now and even making new friends and building healthy relationships. You can still text her every now and then and let her know you're there if she ever feels like she can reach out again.

I think there's a line though where you can't be catering to her abandonment problems, but you can be sympathetic and understanding, not have hard feelings and let the ball be in her court. I know it hurts, but I think you also understand your friend has limitations caused by her own mental state.

[unmotivatedd]

Originally Posted by iPhone

I haven't posted here in awhile but I'm really in need of some support so I thought I'd give it a try. For the past 18 months I had been living in a halfway house and I made a close friend there who has a similar history to mine. We became very close to her to the point where I thought of her as a second mother.

I had warned her a few months back that an apartment had called me and said they would have a vacancy soon. She didn't want me to leave, citing that I had recently been hospitalized and still needed the support of the halfway house. Nonetheless I thought about and decided to move anyway, which I did at the end of February.

When I first moved out we still talked but gradually it became less and less. On Monday she sent me a text basically saying that I could text or call anytime, but that its her choice if she will answer or not. I told her I respected that, but ever since she's been ignoring any texts or calls. I've tried to decrease the frequency of my attempts and let her come to me, but it's been hard.

I really miss her and am very worried about losing the friendship. She has a ton of attachment issues as do I, and I know she's cut people out of her life before. If anyone can give advice or support, is greatly appreciated.

Hi iPhone,
Sorry that you’re going through something like this, I understand how much it hurts to drift apart from someone who is very close to you.

First of all, respect to you for respecting your friend’s decision. It is hard, but by respecting her you have shown that you care.

But since the situation has reached this point, and you are worried that she will cut you out of her life completely, I think that it may be time to be completely honest with her. Tell her your concerns and exactly how you feel, that you really treasure her as a friend and hate to see one another drifting apart.
It will probably be terrifying because what if she actually goes through with what you’re fearing? The truth is, no one can guarantee anything. I truly hope that you friend recognises that you only did what you thought was best for yourself and puts this behind the both of you. However, there is the chance that she might not. Unfortunately, that is the way that things are. It may feel unfair that you have to be the one taking this step, but rather do it now then regretting not doing it years later. It may be daunting, but keep a clear head, articulate what you feel and make that clear to her.

I wish you the best of luck for now and for the future
-Z

[Bill3]

[Fuzzybear]

[mote.of.soul]

Aaw, I hope everything works out for the best @iPhone. Very sorry your friendship - which was obviously very close to begin with - has now this great distance in it.

I'd just like to throw something out there: Were you sending a lot of texts on a daily basis to your friend? Maybe she felt bombarded or overwhelmed and just couldn't answer them anymore? As I say, it's just a guess but it's something that can happen between friends.

Whatever the case I hope you guys become close again.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by iPhone

I haven't posted here in awhile but I'm really in need of some support so I thought I'd give it a try. For the past 18 months I had been living in a halfway house and I made a close friend there who has a similar history to mine. We became very close to her to the point where I thought of her as a second mother.

I had warned her a few months back that an apartment had called me and said they would have a vacancy soon. She didn't want me to leave, citing that I had recently been hospitalized and still needed the support of the halfway house. Nonetheless I thought about and decided to move anyway, which I did at the end of February.

When I first moved out we still talked but gradually it became less and less. On Monday she sent me a text basically saying that I could text or call anytime, but that its her choice if she will answer or not. I told her I respected that, but ever since she's been ignoring any texts or calls. I've tried to decrease the frequency of my attempts and let her come to me, but it's been hard.

I really miss her and am very worried about losing the friendship. She has a ton of attachment issues as do I, and I know she's cut people out of her life before. If anyone can give advice or support, is greatly appreciated.

I sorry that you were ghosted. Remember that it was her and not you. She made the decisions to stop talking to you

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Aaw, I hope everything works out for the best @iPhone. Very sorry your friendship - which was obviously very close to begin with - has now this great distance in it.

I'd just like to throw something out there: Were you sending a lot of texts on a daily basis to your friend? Maybe she felt bombarded or overwhelmed and just couldn't answer them anymore? As I say, it's just a guess but it's something that can happen between friends.

Whatever the case I hope you guys become close again.

That is great advice!

it is always the option of one person to answer or reply to a text or call..but hey thanks for that heads up...sounds like they wanted to let you know that they still had some control in the relationship.

look friendships change. one person moves on, goes to school, finds new lovers, new friends etc. it is always a dynamic. a dance. people move in close, then separate, sometimes they come together again, sometimes not. you need to decide if this person's role is important to you. if she has a tendency to cut people off, and you know it, well then you might already know your answer. be patient.

I had a very close friend. we did everything together, spoke daily. when I decided to move from my home to a place 380 miles away and buy a place the dynamic shifted. she felt before she was a "caregiver" for me and by moving I was showing I no longer needed someone for that role. prior to the move she stopped talking to me and calling. 7 yrs later things are chilly. but I didn't need someone to hold my hand..i am strong enough to survive without being babysat.

perhaps your friends has the same such issues.