[Have Hope]

Difficult people really get under my skin and irk me to no end.

It's the difficult personality type that I'm speaking of.... the kind who easily gets offended, and therefore has to fight back and be a jerk to everyone.

People who need to state their opinions and defend their opinions at all costs, even when it's offensive to another person. And they are frequently passive aggressive, so it comes out in a variety of passive ways.

And if you've offended them somehow? They go up in arms and find a way to get back at you at all costs. They must have HUGE egos or something. Maybe it's narcissistic personality disorder. Perhaps.

I am tired of running into these people in my life, and I'm tired of finding these types of friendships.

I'd rather have 3 real friendships with quality caring people, than a multitude of fake friendships with toxic individuals who end up pissing me off most of the time.

[ARaven0137]

I really empathize with you. I had someone a lot like that for a couple of years at work. She was in a senior position so no one could get her out. We called her the Alabama Tick since she was dug in so deep. To get anything done in her area, you had to bend the knee and kiss the ring. If not, she would get offended and make it impossible to get anything done.

Best wishes and blessings to you in this. I hope it works out.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by ARaven0137

I really empathize with you. I had someone a lot like that for a couple of years at work. She was in a senior position so no one could get her out. We called her the Alabama Tick since she was dug in so deep. To get anything done in her area, you had to bend the knee and kiss the ring. If not, she would get offended and make it impossible to get anything done.

Best wishes and blessings to you in this. I hope it works out.

Thank you.

It's worse if it's at work because you cannot escape from seeing the person.

With friendships? At least you can end the friendship. But it leaves just a few people I truly love, admire and trust with my whole heart, being and soul. Maybe that's just it.... that true friends are far and few between.. the golden kind. You can meet all sorts of people anywhere and everywhere along the ride, but true friends? I can count them on my hand, but that's OK..... they have been there for me through thick and thin and would do anything for me if I asked. The others? NOPE. Fair weather friends.

[~Christina]

There are certain types of people that also just stomp on my last frayed nerve.

If it’s someone online I can ... plike on here place whoever on ignore , on social media I just block.

I’m real life? Well I’m unable to work so I don’t have that problem but if it’s someone like a few family members or acquaintances I simple say can we not discuss X since we will never agree. If not. I simply get up and leave.

I’m 53 but feel 80 , I just don’t want to waste my time on aggravation.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m 53 but feel 80 , I just don’t want to waste my time on aggravation.

I'm the same exact way. I cannot waste my energy or time on it. I just want to be happy and not deal with passive aggressiveness or people who have it in for me for one reason or another. It's really petty business.

[lovethesun]

Wow, i've been in the same boat as you. You described the difficult person perfectly. I used to be friends with a woman (well, I actually shouldn't call her a friend, she was more like a cancerous tumor) who was just like this. She would only call me to rant about other people and problems in her life. Would waste an hour of my time on the phone with this garbage and never once ask me how I was. She would threaten to get other people fired because she "knew" people. Please! And every.single.time. that someone so much as looked at her or her child the wrong way she'd be confronting the person on it. Always confronting people. I finally pulled the rug out from under this B and she's never spoken to me since. I call it "tumor removal".

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by lovethesun

Wow, i've been in the same boat as you. You described the difficult person perfectly. I used to be friends with a woman (well, I actually shouldn't call her a friend, she was more like a cancerous tumor) who was just like this. She would only call me to rant about other people and problems in her life. Would waste an hour of my time on the phone with this garbage and never once ask me how I was. She would threaten to get other people fired because she "knew" people. Please! And every.single.time. that someone so much as looked at her or her child the wrong way she'd be confronting the person on it. Always confronting people. I finally pulled the rug out from under this B and she's never spoken to me since. I call it "tumor removal".

Oh yes I know the type very well! I had a friend just like that.. very negative, always stirring up drama and also quite narcissistic. After seven years of a very one-sided friendship, I cut ties. I haven’t spoken with her since and have been far happier. She used to totally drain me every time we hung out.

Your ex friend sounds just as draining and negative. Good for you for kicking it to the curb!!

[poshgirl]

Can empathise with you totally! Even worse when it's a family member who takes pleasure in pressing the buttons. My mother is a master player. Have tried ignoring it, but sometimes she just winds me up. If I react she then forgets what she's said. Far easier to ditch friends/colleagues who bring out the worst. At 64 I should be getting a break, not constant aggro....

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by poshgirl

Can empathise with you totally! Even worse when it's a family member who takes pleasure in pressing the buttons. My mother is a master player. Have tried ignoring it, but sometimes she just winds me up. If I react she then forgets what she's said. Far easier to ditch friends/colleagues who bring out the worst. At 64 I should be getting a break, not constant aggro....

Ugh. I feel for you. It’s so hard when it’s a family member. You can’t easily escape family!!

[Have Hope]

I also have trouble with people who flip things around on you and who attack you when confronted with their own behavior. That’s the narcissist at play I do believe.

[Have Hope]

I have dealt with someone who went on the attack with me simply because I pointed out things in their behavior that rubbed me the wrong way. I would call this person a difficult person. This person did not own up to their behavior when confronted, just as they have done many times before with me, and instead responded by listing every little thing they felt I had done "wrong" in their mind, as though they were deliberately TRYING to poke holes into my self esteem and TRYING to make me feel wrong and badly about myself. I do believe this person is a full blown narcissist. Only a true narcissist will respond in this kind of way when confronted or when told they hurt you. It's not the first time with this person either. They've acted this way every single time I've said "ouch" because of their actions towards me. They turn it around and deflect all responsibility off of themselves. It took me months to figure it out, but this is where I land with it. Not only that, but this person is very passive aggressive and uses indirect means to get back at me for hurting their largely inflated ego. It's narcissism at its worst.

[Have Hope]

The other irony is this person is obsessed with narcissists, and it turns out they are one themselves. I finally figured it out, and I finally put all the pieces together. This person constantly ranted about themselves and their own traumas, this person has an extremely high opinion of their own opinions to the point of nausea-inducing, and this person refuses to take any personal responsibility when they've hurt or upset you and they deflect it all back onto you. I finally had had enough, and cut ties.

Why can’t narcissists take responsibility for their actions?

"Narcissists are deceptive because they can be so charming and intelligent until you don’t go along with their program. Then they become cold, punching, and rejecting. On the surface narcissists can seem intelligent and caring—knowing how to entice and lure their way into your life. Their motto will always be “Me First!” Everything’s all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention. They can also be highly intuitive, but use their intuition for self-interest and manipulation.

Narcissists are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. (The damage of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly detailed in Alice Miller’s book “Drama of the Gifted Child”). Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them. Narcissists will always make the problem about YOU and don’t take their responsibility for their part in any issue."

Why can't narcissists take responsibility for their actions with empaths? - Judith Orloff MD

[AzulOscuro]

Luckily, I haven’t found many people this type, not extreme cases. All of us are a little attached to our ego in one or another occasion but yes, I do understand who you are referring to.

I think it happens because of fear. Fear to be considered weaker if they recognise a mistake, fear to lack their identity if they change their attachment to their political party, religion beliefs, their opinion about a whatever topic...

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Luckily, I haven’t found many people this type, not extreme cases. All of us are a little attached to our ego in one or another occasion but yes, I do understand who you are referring to.

I think it happens because of fear. Fear to be considered weaker if they recognise a mistake, fear to lack their identity if they change their attachment to their political party, religion beliefs, their opinion about a whatever topic...

Yep, that is all very true. Unfortunately, I've run across many narcissists in my life. The underlying issue is extreme insecurity and an extreme feeling of inferiority, hence the overly inflated ego and the inability to accept or acknowledge any wrongdoings on their part. The person I am talking about fits the bill to a T.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Yep, that is all very true. Unfortunately, I've run across many narcissists in my life. The underlying issue is extreme insecurity and an extreme feeling of inferiority, hence the overly inflated ego and the inability to accept or acknowledge any wrongdoings on their part. The person I am talking about fits the bill to a T.

Exactly. This is narcissism as you already mention. You can’t win against a narcissist, the only way to win is by running away.
I have to confess that I run away even from those who are not narcissist but have some traits.
They make me feel very uncomfortable and with a big sensation of emptiness.

I’m like you. I put up with a person who is a true friend than dealing with lots of superficial friends or acquaintances.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Exactly. This is narcissism as you already mention. You can’t win against a narcissist, the only way to win is by running away.
I have to confess that I run away even from those who are not narcissist but have some traits.
They make me feel very uncomfortable and with a big sensation of emptiness.

I’m like you. I put up with a person who is a true friend than dealing with lots of superficial friends or acquaintances.

Yeah, I hear you on that. And I know what you mean when you say you're left with a large sensation of emptiness.

I feel just.... well,I feel cheated of justice when I come across a narcissist... cheated of fairness and reciprocity that you normally would experience in a normal friendship that is give and take, you know? The narcissist drains a person.... and they anger a person, even to the point of enraging a person. They need to focus ALL the attention on themselves, and since I am a very giving type of person and an empath, well that's a recipe for disaster for me. I end up feeling very cheated of what a real friendship should involve.

And yes, I feel it's definitely better to have a lower number of high quality friends, true friends, than to have a high quantity of superficial friendships. I've always been that way, and as a result, I have just a few really close friends. But they are true friends who would be there for me for anything and vice versa. Quality counts!

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Yeah, I hear you on that. And I know what you mean when you say you're left with a large sensation of emptiness.

I feel just.... well,I feel cheated of justice when I come across a narcissist... cheated of fairness and reciprocity that you normally would experience in a normal friendship that is give and take, you know? The narcissist drains a person.... and they anger a person, even to the point of enraging a person. They need to focus ALL the attention on themselves, and since I am a very giving type of person and an empath, well that's a recipe for disaster for me. I end up feeling very cheated of what a real friendship should involve.

And yes, I feel it's definitely better to have a lower number of high quality friends, true friends, than to have a high quantity of superficial friendships. I've always been that way, and as a result, I have just a few really close friends. But they are true friends who would be there for me for anything and vice versa. Quality counts!

Drain, this is the word. They are like vampires. They need a group of suppliers always on hand and as I’m also emphatic, sensitive and I don’t have any problem at providing them supply because I normally admire nice and skills in people, I far from being envious so I’m the perfect target,
Thanks my social anxiety saves me from interacting a lot and maybe that’s why I haven’t met anyone deeply enough to notice this person is a narcissist.

[AzulOscuro]

Hope you don’t have to deal too deeply with a real narcissist because it must leave in their victims some kind of PTSD.

Have you seen the series on Nextflix, Dirty John?
It’s based on a real case and it’s a perfect portrait of a malignant narcissist.

[AzulOscuro]

With your permission I’m gonna stick here a song by Taylor Swift called Dear John.
She dedicated this song to one of her ex. Who all indicates was pretty narcissistic.

She describes very well how a person like this behaves in a romantic relationship.

[Have Hope]

I have not heard of that series, no. And yes, they are energy vampires! And I give that attention and energy to them! I feed it right to them. I'm basically too nice... but then when I get pushed too far, I push back.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

With your permission I’m gonna stick here a song by Taylor Swift called Dear John.
She dedicated this song to one of her ex. Who all indicates was pretty narcissistic.

She describes very well how a person like this behaves in a romantic relationship.

Thanks for this!

[eskielover]

So my question is.....why make friends with people till you know what they are like?

When I meet people I am friendly just not friends. I observe for awhile before I decide whether they are the kind of person I can or want to become friends with. They are probably doing the the same thing with me. The distance exists because it is more of an acquaintance situation. That way if I realize there is no kind of connection, there is no drama of breaking up a friendship. If we become friends, it is a mutual feeling about friendship. Saves a lot of grief & drama in ones life

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by eskielover

So my question is.....why make friends with people till you know what they are like?

When I meet people I am friendly just not friends. I observe for awhile before I decide whether they are the kind of person I can or want to become friends with. They are probably doing the the same thing with me. The distance exists because it is more of an acquaintance situation. That way if I realize there is no kind of connection, there is no drama of breaking up a friendship. If we become friends, it is a mutual feeling about friendship. Saves a lot of grief & drama in ones life

It's true, I have been quick to accept people into my life, and that's been my mistake.

[Fuzzybear]

ggrrrrrrrrrrrr at the ''difficult people'' in the world who never realise that THEY are the ''problem''

hugs and respect to you

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

ggrrrrrrrrrrrr at the ''difficult people'' in the world who never realise that THEY are the ''problem''

hugs and respect to you

Remember, non-family memembers only become a problem TO US if we allow them into our life at that level. I have a tendency to take on the attitude.....let them be someone elses problem. Not interested in bringing people like that into my inner circle. That can actually apply with family too just harder at times. If enough people don't buy into their being difficult, they end up alone where they don't hurt others with their being difficult. Maybe they learn from it.....maybe not but it is their issue