[DechanDawa]

This week is my birthday. Next week is the birthday of my narcissistic ex-friend. We had a terrible falling out. She perpetuated it...the second week of lockdown during Covid 19. She said things that made it absolutely impossible to repair the decades-long friendship.

I went No Contact. I threw away all letters and cards from her. But sometimes I dream about her. And often...when I am feeling at my lowest...I think about the things she said. Such cruelty. It was like...I felt I never knew her. And in the end she showed up as this wicked witch.


Today I wrote her a letter. Mainly about how shocked I was that she pretended we had a friendship then attacked me without mercy...in a series of text messages I will regret reading until my dying day.

Yes, I know all about narcissists...and mostly, if she was one, I am relieved she is no longer in my life.

But, you know, it IS HARD to not try to get in the last word. I am going to take the letter I wrote and put it in my lockbox. I think it would be best if she thought I had completely forgotten about her.

Thank goodness I can come on here and talk about it instead of sending her a letter. Being a narcissist she will just...use whatever I say against me.

How I didn't know she was a narcissist seems complicated. All I can say is she hid it well and was...I think what you would call a covert narcissist.

I miss the friendship I THOUGHT we had. And, of course, the timing is bad as I could not just go out looking for a new best friend.

I know my life is better without being tortured by a disguised narcissist.

But I have been sad, too, almost like I am grieving her death.

[TishaBuv]

I’m not sure if they’re narcissists, but I’ve painstakingly learned that when people get called out on their bad behavior, they turn viscous. If they had wanted to be nice, they wouldn’t have acted so badly that you had to call them out in the first place. They had some beef with you and their plan was to blow the relationship up. There was really nothing you could do to make peace, when their intention was war.

[DechanDawa]

I do understand this but I don't really understand people doing these kinds of things late in life. When I was young and saw older folk having squabbles and feuds I always thought it was unbecoming. Either get along or don't. But why cause a war?


And that is really what I told this person when she started to attack me. I told her if she didn't want to be friends, fine, but why be so viscous?


I wrote to her and said she ought to be ashamed of herself! And that is how I feel.

I think she is a narcissist because one thing about her - and I only realized it late - was that she never apologized. In a long-time friendship things happen and apologies get exchanged. It's no big deal. I realized too late I was the only one ever apologizing.

No, she was a malignant narcissist, I am certain. They are the most toxic personality on earth next to sociopaths.

[DechanDawa]

I am going to take that letter I wanted to send her and just put it away. I am sure if I come across it in the future I will be glad I didn't send it.


This is an unusual time. Normally I would be out and about and had plans to be more social in 2020 with the expressed wish to make new friends.

I should just hang tight. I am feeling nostalgic because we always celebrated our birthday at the same time and exchange nice gifts and cards.

Too bad. I really must suck it up and get a bit stronger.

[TishaBuv]

Happy upcoming birthday to you!

Why do they do these things late in life? I wondered the same. My friend was never mean to me in our youth. Maybe she had many more hard knocks in life than me later on and her claws came out in jealousy. Maybe her mental health took a turn for the worse in later years (although literature says it lessons), but hers definitely got more manic.

Also, your best friend knows all your vulnerabilities and when they unleash their venom on you, they know how to cut deep.

I am glad you held off on sending the letter. She never would have apologized. She’d have either ignored it or sent it back to you en flambé and full off doo, lol.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Happy upcoming birthday to you!

Why do they do these things late in life? I wondered the same. My friend was never mean to me in our youth. Maybe she had many more hard knocks in life than me later on and her claws came out in jealousy. Maybe her mental health took a turn for the worse in later years (although literature says it lessons), but hers definitely got more manic.

Also, your best friend knows all your vulnerabilities and when they unleash their venom on you, they know how to cut deep.

I am glad you held off on sending the letter. She never would have apologized. She’d have either ignored it or sent it back to you en flambé and full off doo, lol.

Thanks for the birthday wish.

Yeah, I am happy I wrote the letter but also happy I didn't send it.

I thought people were supposed to lighten up, too.

It is really best to continue with No Contact.