Assault?

I'm frustrated because this has turned into it being about ME and what I WANT.. not about the good of the coop as a whole. I'm definitely more conscientious about things. My partner says it looks "fine".

If maintenance offered to pay for it, like they did with the painting, everyone would sing a whole different tune. But because we're having to pay $25, then it's not a "NEED" .. it's just what "I" want.

I don’t see it is a big deal honestly. I am a clean freak, a bit up to a ridiculous level. My husband is not. He accommodates my need for extreme neatness because that’s what is important for me. It’s ok if it’s about me and what I want because it’s important for me. I don’t care if it’s not as important for others. I’d likely pay $50 to clean the whole thing too. I’d not be frustrated because I know most people don’t care about stuff I care about.

Now if it was 500, I’d probably think twice.

We all wanted it done, not just me. My partner didn't care to but was going along with it.

The issue was more about when and how. Right now, everything is out of the carport due to the painting. Maintenance is having someone do it this weekend, if we each pay $25. It's our choice if we want it done. We want it done.

The neighbour didn't want to pay $25 nor were they able to do it until after August. I don't want everything piled up by our front doors until September.. and it doesn't make sense to put things in/out 3 times because our neighbour doesn't want to pay $25. They're not financially hard done by.

It ended up being about "ME" and "my" "WANTS", causing a strain between my partner and I because he claims he was just trying to be "supportive" to "me". It wasn't about me. It was about what made most sense for "when". He agreed it made more sense to do it now vs September. They wouldn't budge. The neighbour is his sister, of course.

I did offer to pay for it because I think it's all silly. Let's just get it done while it's empty.

Telling me this is about "my wants" is not being supportive. It's side swiping the issue.. about his sister's wants.

When I came home, our baby was asleep on his shoulder. He asked if I could take her so he could take a break. I said it wasn't a good
idea because if we transfer her, she'll wake up. I'm thinking about HER. He said, "Fine. Do what "you" WANT".. again, like I'm being selfish and unreasonable.

Then he comes back wanting to talk further about the carport. I said no because she was still sleeping on his shoulder. I didn't want to wake her up and timing was just off. He ignored me and continued. I asked if I needed to leave or shut the door? He said I was being "controlling".. and then told me to just leave. I opted to close the door, instead. I was EXTRA CAREFUL as to not "shut the door on his face". He walked away, letting me close the door over.

See how a SIMPLE scenario about the carport turned into something negative between him and I? He asked me why I just wouldn't let him be supportive of me. Um, what?

It seems like many mundane every day tasks turn into some type of arguments or confrontations and power struggles in your household. How would you two handle something truly serious if there is no consensus on mundane every day stuff? He enjoys pushing your buttons. It’s just too much.

Carport is non issue in my opinion.

It's more about the principle. I ended up paying $50 when we could have all paid $13ea. The neighbours did not compromise at all. They didn't offer an earlier time or offer to pay their portion. They didn't budge at all. Then my partner turned it around and made it about me and my wants. I think it's pretty rigid on their end so I just paid for it to put an end to it.

Once again the responsibility became mine and I ended up being the "bad guy".

Did the neighbor play you?
They can’t call you the bad guy. That doesn’t make sense, so don’t put weight into that.
Does your husband think your opinion about the subject was wrong?
Does he think you’re the bad guy? For what?
Does he not appreciate that you want the carport pressure washed tomorrow?
He thinks it’s selfish?
It seems like he agreed with your logic, but doesn’t care about pressure washing, so says it’s about him supporting your wants...why? to make it meaningful? It’s just pressure washing.

Or is he “supporting you” in opposition to his sister (while bailing her out 25 bucks)?

Is he using the carport thing to express feelings/thoughts he is having about other stuff?

The carport ordeal sounds annoying, but I hope you will still be able to enjoy your clean fresh space tomorrow.

It sounds like resentment is quite high around there right now. I’m sorry and I hope tomorrow is better and safer.

Re the one year old, maybe the idea of passing them asleep between parents needs to go? Maybe it’s better to just lay the baby down about ten minutes after they fall asleep on a shoulder. That way it can’t be a disagreement between you two.

I don't think so. There's been rivalry between my partner's family and the Maintenance head, for years. They don't get along. So when M asked her if she was interested in the pressure washing for $25, it was an automatic no. She then told my partner, if M asks us, to say no because they were going to do it themselves "whenever" and after August.

Because I wanted to go ahead with Maintenance plans, even though they didn't want to pay up.

No. He thought it made sense to powerwash it tomorrow, since the carport is currently empty. He later said there wasn't a need because the floor is "fine". On the contrary, he's fine having our neighbour do it for free, after August. "Why pay $50?" So, freebies for him is ok. No one else paid "$50" but me. What's $13ea? Big deal.

Because I went against what his sister wanted. She didn't want to pay, nor do the job at a convenient time. I made it an issue by suggesting we take this opportunity tomorrow. He's intimidated by his sister.

For free, sure.

Because he says it's what "I WANTED". It wasn't about me, though. It was about what made most sense. He didn't want to pay for it, either, but was willing to for "me" rather than for the "logical" option.

He bailed his sister.

I wouldn't know.

I've made "waves" for getting it done tomorrow, on my dime. I'm not expecting a thank you.

Definitely from my end.

This was a one-off scenario. An example of how I was thinking about our baby while he was thinking about himself .. but projected that onto me.

beef with Maintenance. Jeez. So awkward to share a carport under these circumstances. I would want to look past the rivalry too, if I was you, but it seems his family really doesn’t want M there if they have a choice. I hope M stays professional and does a great job for you despite the rivalry.

I know parenting is personal and each child is different, so I hope I wasn’t obnoxious by suggesting to lay the baby down instead of “passing” her. I just think it’s more sensible for him to lay the baby somewhere safe when he wants to get up instead of acting like he is pinned under the baby. But maybe I misread.

it does seem like there's an issue between you two in nearly almost every interaction you have together.

He says he wants you to be happy, then he doesn't follow through with actions that will actually make you happy.

M= Maintenance Head. She's not doing the actual work, herself. I am staying out of that sort of thing. It was just I suggested to have it done now, since it's currently empty and the worker is able to do it now.. at $13 a head.

No no. He wasn't pinned down. He was walking around with her sleeping on his shoulder, wanting me to take her or talk about the carport.

He's all talk. In this scenario, it wasn't about me or making me happy. That's just hogwash he was saying to make him out to be a supportive victim.

It's all ridiculous.. nonsensical.. power tripping.. over $13. I think my partner joined forces with his sister because he knew she wouldn't budge. It's fine she didn't want to pay but there was no compromise at all. He was ok with having them do it for free, but because of how it played out, he then said he didn't think it was necessary to do at all but was wanting to make ME "happy". I wasn't the only one who thought the floors "needed" to be done.

Floors are done. It looks much better.. but of course my partner had to point out that there's still stains on it.. that he spoke with the guy who said it's as best as he could do.

Lets not be positive over the fact that it's cleaner, someone else paid for it, and it's never been cleaned before. With the neighbours regular car leaks, what does he expect..?

Why not tell him, IF you really want to make me happy and want to see me happy, stop nitpicking and stop turning every interaction we have into a negative one.

Because he'll say that about me, instead.

He did admit that the rivalry against Maintenance was at the root of this. So I told him to be appreciative of the outcome because I'm not at all a part of that, and no one else had to pay for it.. to be kind. He said, it's done now. Lets move on with it.. just like all of his other BS, "The past is the past".

So the carport scenario was brought up again because I was curious if anyone said anything. He said no one did nor did he get any thanks.

I mentioned again, how no one was able to do it right away, something we previously agreed on, which is why I suggested for us to pay to get it done. Again, $13 ea. Not a lot of money.

He's suddenly wondering where I got the information about the neighbour not being able to do it before the end of August. Um, it's what he told me!! He completely denies it, though. He's the only person I discussed our options with. It's why I opted to pay the $50 myself, since I was told it wouldn't happen before then. Everything was already out of the carport. He's adamant he didn't tell me this AT ALL but says he "believes me" that I "heard" this but that he didn't tell me so. I must have "heard wrong". Where else would I've gotten the "probably not before the end of August", as this neighbour works M-F. Am I crazy? No. He forgot. He obviously didn't pass on accurate information about the timing so is now blaming me for hearing wrong.

This is typical in our arguments. He's a compulsive liar and shoots his mouth but often doesn't remember what he says.. and then denies, denies, denies.

I'm frustrated and venting. I'm disliking him more and more by the day.