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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,169
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#61
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guy1111
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#62
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I think I'll end this thread. Thanks everyone!!! |
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#63
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Thanks again!! |
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Fuzzybear, Open Eyes
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Member Since Aug 2020
Location: Cumbria
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#64
Hi Guy, I hope you keep having breakthroughs and things get much better for you both...I really do! I also do think it sounds that there could be a problem of narcissism. It would mean that things could seem to get better, but there'll always be a big question (one I had to ask myself) whether your partner really wants the relationship to work for you both, because of mutual respect and love, or whether they want it to continue because of how it benefits them. I'm not saying that is what your wife is doing, but it is a very hard thing to know for sure, and it will only really show when you do have conflicts. I struggle with conflict...but like yourself, can see when I've legitimately done wrong and would attempt to remedy somehow. From what I know of (covert) highly narcissistic people they will feign remorse often completely missing the reasons for the upset, and cast themselves as the virtuous hard done by person...they always get what they want, but never have what they want, and will project their disatisfaction onto you. Every issue you have will be about them (cause everything is about them) and they'll ask you why you can't just be happy with them. Being with someone like that is exhausting.
I really don't want to undermine your breakthrough...but it strikes me that you're putting so much emotional energy into repairing...I just really hope that things are getting better for the right reasons |
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Fuzzybear, guy1111, Open Eyes
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Member Since Aug 2020
Location: Cumbria
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#65
Sorry, I missed these posts on this last page, so was replying to the last post on the previous page...all the best!
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,169
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#66
I agree with you @KBMK and that is why I am trying to listen as carefully as I can to guy because he has deep wounds from his time experiencing narcissistic abuse in his history. He is trying very hard to work through that challenge with his therapist. I empathize with that in that I do know what that is like first hand and I am sure others can sympathize as well. Yes, it's possible that his wife has some issues with narcissism but it's also possible she has her own challenges that get triggered too. This is something that as you mentioned will reveal itself with time.
Last edited by Open Eyes; Sep 24, 2020 at 03:12 PM.. |
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KBMK
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guy1111, KBMK
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,125
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#67
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#68
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Fuzzybear, KBMK, Open Eyes
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KBMK
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Location: Cave.
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#69
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guy1111
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Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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#70
Just be honest with her, and let her know how you feel. Its likely for a woman to dress more provocative when going out with the girls. Every woman loves attention from guys, it doesnt mean she will cheat on you. Innocent until proven guilty. Although i do not think its a good idea to keep going out with the girls where she goes, because temptation will arise.
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guy1111
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#71
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Yes, everyone enjoys some attention, men and women. No, I don't think she would cheat on me any time in the forseeable future. My problem is, it triggers my abandonment issues and can be exhausting at times to calm myself down, so I come here for support. Thanks for your thoughts! |
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