[selfy]

my ex, who i went out with for a yr, wont leave me alone. he knows if someone wants something i do it no question. i still like him but i couldnt cope with what he was doing to my sanity lol.
recently, even though weve broken up, hes been taking advantage of my hyper moods, he knows i can be a lil impulsive, and i guess, well. it usually ends up in me doing something that he wants, that i dont, but i docuz he wants it. and its usually either a lil painful, or sexual, or both.
weve broken up! why doesnt he see that. hes been my close friend after, because i didnt want to be alone. i guess its my fault really. but i cant get rid of him cuz he makes me feel safe. but at the same time im frghtened of him, and he oversteps the line. ibroke up with him cuz he was hurting my mental health, not cuz i didnt love him. its not helping me and i no if im not careful i will get reinvolved, and that would be bad. but,,, ugh, oh well. lets al laff atthe teen with teen problems. sorry guys, i didnt mean tokick out the prev post, more improtant methinks
dot

[Perna]

Oooh, Selfy, it's so hard to get rid of what's safe, I have that problem all the time. Can you "replace" him with another friend so you don't have time for him? Get a girlfriend to pledge a lot of time for a couple weeks or join a group he's not part of, etc.? Just don't have enough time for him, whether you're hyper or not. Make a little list of things you want/need to do and keep it with you and suddenly have to do one of them if he comes around.

[I_WMD]

,,,,,, Selfy????? .

At This time and at your age ,,,,, [ I not point and LOL . ]

. Selfy ,, if the ex has been consistent in making you feel guilty and / or forceing himself on YOU when you are most vulnerable ,,,,,,

Me would thinks >>>>>>. Pattern developing that is unhealthy in any realationship .

1.) ,,, It allows CONTROLL by one person in a manipulative manner .

2.) ,,, Being used and expected to except it when you have already voiced YOUR concerns as to why YOU ended the relationship ,,, and he not get it ???

Let the time lesson work here ,>>> and tell ,, >> TELL << ,, HIM that Let you go ,, and If without his input ,,, you call him after a few months ,,, Tell Him It is the only way that the two of you can learn to begin learning the lessons of Adult Probs and situations ,,,

It Not like you two are going anywhere as like to just go poof into Runaway land from every thing ya Know and your schooling . .

Just a suggestion >>>

[AAAAA]

(((((Selfy))))) he’s getting mixed signals, you say you’re broken up, but you’re still doing all of the things that you did when you were together. I know it’s hard, but you need to put some space between the two of you! It might take a while of hanging up on him, avoiding phone calls and contact, but he will get the messages if you stick to your guns. Maybe some day you’ll be able to be friends again, but later on when the boundaries aren’t so blurred. You have to do what’s best for you and the devil with his feelings, he’s not respecting yours!

[seeker1950]

Selfy...I'm age 57, and been thru this kind of thing a number of times, both before and after my 20 year marriage. I think it has a lot to do with being vulnerable, being a pleaser, and, as you say, not wanting to let go of something that feels familiar and safe.
But, please, don't encourage this fella, especially if you want to be free of it. Also, be careful of accommodating someone who could become a stalker. There is a fine line there. I know from experience.
If he won't leave you alone, despite your expressions to be left alone, after which you succumb to his demand, and say "okay," then you need to put your foot down, and say NO!
Patty

[Irine]

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED MAKING A PROGRAM for what you want to say him when you are angry?

WHY I SAY...don`t you think that if you send him to %#@&#! himself he will leave you alone?

sometimes strong languege....and being rough adn "not your self" buyt playing a roll.......imagine you are SOME ONE EESE........

who could give a %#@&#! about what he wasts telling him to go away

how that would sound?

do you have friends who are like that? who open their mouth and everybody runs away?

otherwise...i wold work on myself..it`s not only YOU doing things that other want.

you are not here to please the world..you are here to LIVE.

[I_WMD]

,,,,,,,,,Lady McB.... That is the bottom line to live for yourself first and When those that except us as we are ,,, they get first say so [ like opinion ] we [ me ] Would except from .

Too bad at this moment we not have anything to guide our replies ,,, since Selfy hasn't posted since first post .....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???

[selfy]

yah corky. sorry lol. idk.i haent beeen looking at posts, i guess rathr deprsssing. i seem to attract clingy people. im goin out wiht mr friends this weekend, the ones hes not frieds with.prob is usually., he gots to shcool on m bus, same classes same tutor, same friends
i cant get away from him
and i tried tellinh him to %#@&#! off before, bu he gt uet and i went oops sorry.
he makws me feel **** tbh
sorry
dot

[ziggy1]

Selfy over here in the U.S. the law on stalking is quite strict?

I know you live in a Different country with different laws and

your culture may be different from ours over here. I know that

even in certain states in the U.S. it varies to. Maybe there's

someone there you can speak to about this....wether it be your

parents or someone Older....you can trust..... We have a

restraining order law here that helps. If its messing with

your mental health and sanity and he won't back down you may want

to look into it?

[selfy]

restraining order? dont make me laff. over here, if u gt assulted by a man properly and unconsensually, they look into it and decide, oooh no its less danger to the ublic to let him wander free?! grr
and ths is much worse than my case here
bah.
nothing adults can or will do.
dot

[Abby]

Selfy it's good you have perspective on your problems, but please remember that if it is important to you and is harming you then it is a big deal. You don't need to measure yourself against others here, it isn't healthy or productive to do that.

I think the real issue here is boundries. You are by nature a people pleaser - there are many amazing advantages to this but this can also lead you to being walked over. I think you need to learn a greater respect for yourself, you do not feel comfortable being with the boy but you put familiarity over this. People aren't all the same, if you don't give clear signals then some will take advantage of you. Recently i too got into the position where i became really ill because i allowed a friend to take everything from me. Now i've decided that it isn't healthy, and that particular person will have to look somewhere else for help and support. Its not that i don't like her, nor have i been rude to her but i have stopped being there for her to cry on my shoulder 24/7.

I don't think necessarily that you need to physically keep away from someone to emotionally keep them at a distance. I live with the girl i was talking about above. I think what you need to do is make a confident and assured decision about what you will and will not do. Once this has been decided it will be easier to be around this boy because you will know that you won't be manipulated.

Ok so all this is easier said than done, but spending time to foster inside yourself respect, confidence, self-belief is possible and it is from these incidences that you learn what is comfortable and not comfortable for you. Remember you are you, you don't have to be anyone else. The most helpful person is one that is strong enough to at times say 'no' and keep themselves healthy and strong.

[I_WMD]

>>>.Funny,,,,[ Just an observation ]...

.Help meee lol ,, original post 2 / 14 / 08 @ 2:41pm.

.A little over 24 hrs. later , Selfy replies to her post.

Now the Funny Part: .

Selfy posts @ 6:05 pm.

Zig replies @ 6:11 pm.

Selfy posts @ 6:15 pm.

First time Selfy replied was 24 + hrs.,,,next time replying = 4 minutes ./ What was you two [ cues scary music ]./ in the same room ...,

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
selfy said:
nothing adults can or will do.
dot

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Hey, Dot, you all have friends; can you tell some of the girlfriends so they "surround" you better when you have to be with him? Any guys that are pals enough to kind of distract him from you when he's in the same group?

[selfy]

my groups too small. i am not exactly popular.
lol corky, i always kew uere an observant kid. love u hon
u guys areso nice, thanks
dot

[StarPonysMama]

I think you need to create some distance from him. I agree with AAAAA. I know because I had to do this with my ex. We had a domestic violence incident so I WAS able to get an injunction (basically a restraining order). When someone can manipulate you like that - it's best to create as much distance as you need to get YOUR HEAD straight so that you can deal with them. My ex and I talk now. He is in AA and abuse counseling. I dropped the injunction on February 12th because I have gotten my ability to stand my ground in HOW MUCH contact I will have with him.

I think he's controlling you because he knows what he thinks are your weaknesses. My ex did the SAME EXACT THING. If you create some distance, it will give you clarity and strength. I just speak from my personal experience.

Take care!