[mark27]

After years of living "whatever" life where i didnt care about family, my health, education, friends, goals, job etc I realized that i have schizophrenia even though i didnt go yet to get it checked and confirm. And its one of the issues where i dont care to do it but it affects me so bad.

Im lucky enough not to hear voices or have hallucinations. But what i have is:
- i very rarely feel anything ( few years ago my grand grand mother passed away, i didnt feel almost anything when i found out )
- i have this paranoia where i always overthink ( if i pee in public toilet i try to make it without a sound...it bothers me that someone is going to hear it. When im crossing a street without lights and i see car coming i somehow change direction for a few seconds to make it look like im not crossing the street and when he passes i come back to cross it... If i was about to open a can in subway or in a bus i would try to make it as quiet as possible. I try not to enter small stores if i dont see anyone in it. If there is customer paying for something or coming inside its a sign for me to go in. List goes on and on. Its so strange i dont even get that..
- i really have no hobbies, interest in anything

- i gave up on education due to issues with socializing and thinking disorder. Im lost in my words when i say things, sometimes i freeze, have dificculties learning overall
- i didnt see some of my family members for 15 years, i didnt contact them. It doesnt bother me..
- i didnt see dentist for 10 years. I feel there is a lot to do but i dont do anything
- my relationship failed because i was comfortable doing nothing.

-im scared to call anywhere, get things done.



I could be going on and on but the bottom line is if you guys know anyone with this disorder and if there are any chances to be normal?

The only time i feel that im myself is when im being drunk. I feel im different, more open, more myself, more loving. When im sober i really hate this person that i am. I just dont know what to expect from medications once given. I heard a lot that they dont do anything, some of them help a lot and you can get worse once you stop taking them. Im super worried that it may not help me and i dont know how im gonna react. I was suicidal in past months and my only way to have normal life are meds. If they will fail i dont know how to feel anymore.

Originally Posted by mark27

I realized that i have schizophrenia even though i didnt go yet to get it checked and confirm.

It doesn't work like that. Self-diagnose is not a diagnose, especially when it's that big. See a professional and get a better understanding of what you're dealing with, that's the first step. And I believe it's necessary to get better.

[mark27]

I totally understand what you mean but thats the thing i delay everything for months. Without insurance its also costs a lot of money to see them. Not to mention medications. I have to get insurance first but its also something that i dont push to accomplish..

[MsLady]

I don't know enough about this disorder but reading your description didn't scream schizophrenia to me.

Regardless though, it sounds like a difficult way to live. I'm sorry if you didn't get the responses you're hoping for. I hope someone with more experience can help out.

For now, tap into hotlines and see if there are free services for you to access. Medication is not always the answer. Back in the day, doctors successfully treated schizophrenia with diet.

[Prycejosh1987]

Its possible to be "normal" again. You just have to focus and learn to suppress the mental health issues.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm not a doctor so I can't diagnose but I have schizoaffective disorder and it doesn't sound like schizophrenia to me. I do think you would benefit from seeing a doctor or a therapist. Some therapists will see you on a reduced fee (it's called a sliding scale) if you don't have insurance. As for seeing a doctor, you could start with a GP at a clinic or something and they might be able to help. Also there are often mental health clinics in cities that offer low cost access to psychiatrists and therapist. You could try one of those. Getting an accurate diagnosis is the first step but don't try to diagnose yourself. I never would have guessed I have schizoaffective disorder but I do. My doctor (psychiatrist) said so.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by mark27

I totally understand what you mean but thats the thing i delay everything for months. Without insurance its also costs a lot of money to see them. Not to mention medications. I have to get insurance first but its also something that i dont push to accomplish..

IMO this is a huge problem for many who have MH issues. For some, their MH issue prevents them from going through all the red tape needed to get themselves insurance. It's a negative feedback loop. Some people end up homeless (hope you aren't in any danger of this) because of this issue making it even harder to get into some kind of system that helps....

[Crazy Hitch]

Be really cautious when trying to diagnose yourself. I'm not saying you do or don't have it but a few other diagnosis popped to mind when I read your post - none of which sound like schizophrenia. But who knows - a medical professional is the only one who can say.

And stay of "Doctor Google" when trying to diagnose yourself!

[mark27]

Thanks for feedback guys

Im still looking, messaging differeny psychiatrists. I just want to fine "the one". I dont want to waste money most importantly. I need someone who will actually care. Not just give meds and see you in few weeks.


If it doesnt sound like schizophrenia what could it be? I have most of the symptoms except hearing voices and hallucinations.

I will give a shot for delta 8 or marijuana before I see specialist. Reason for that is once I see them I expect only medications that may make my mind feel the same as those 2 mentioned. I can either be on meds for the rest of my life or smoke something to make me feel better, more confident, more myself.

Originally Posted by mark27

I can either be on meds for the rest of my life or smoke something to make me feel better, more confident, more myself.

Have you tried needles? Heroin will make you fly high for days before you die. You can always switch to it from pot later on.

What I'm trying to say is that it's your life but that path is a risky one and if you are really looking for progress I'm afraid you may not find it at the end of it.

Meds are not so bad and you can manage its impact on you with a helping hand from a professional. If you're interested in my opinion I'd say go for meds rather than "smoking something to make me feel better".

[mark27]

Part of being me is not making logical judgement. I may say things that in my mind are right but someone else will see it as complete nonsense and they are right, not me. Its just so hard to put this life on right path and see the light at the end of tunnel.


I have days when I feel so depressed, i want help from professional and there are days like today where I dont feel anything, I dont feel like i need any help and circle keeps on going and im not moving in any direction.

[mark27]

2 days ago was the first time I ever smoked delta 8 which is legal. It was weird experience being high for the first time in my life but there was a moment where i started to feel happy, like i had no limits. Downside of that was that my lungs burned but today im fine. Its just i try to find alternative ways to help myself before i go on path with doctors and meds that wont be cheap without insurance. Just visit with doctor is around $300... they really charge a lot and when i read reviews they are really mixed.. i still cant find the right doctor when it.comes to reviews and reasonable price. Any comments/advice appreciated.