Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 09:08 AM

My sister has been on her ex husband's health insurance even post divorce. So are you sure about that?

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Yeah. I don't know how divorce works. I will ask my lawyer about the health insurance. I believe he told me that after divorce, my husband has no obligation to pay my health insurance. That's why I want to negotiate this point. Keep me on your health insurance until I get a job, even if it's after divorce is finalized.

As it is, a rep at Honda who went through a divorce during covid told me that his divorce took 10 months to finalize. Courts are backed up completely and it's all virtual right now.

I do want off the car lease, but I don't want to deal with selling the stupid car, so like I said, I give up, I give in and my husband gets what he wants. I don't care anymore. So, I will tell my lawyer that I will stay on the stupid lease until it ends.

You cannot negotiate something that pretty much is against the law.

Ex spouses cannot be kept on someone’s health insurance as no work place will ever tolerate that. It would be fraudulent. Work place contributes to group health insurance. Ex spouses do not ever remain on health insurance unless they are willing to commit insurance fraud

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 09:10 AM

@divine1966, I just looked it up:

"In the state of Massachusetts, if an ex-spouse is still eligible for insurance benefits through their former spouse's employer, he or she may continue to insure their ex-partner. Even if remaining on the policy is allowed, certain situations, such as remarriage, could affect the continuation of coverage."

It seems in my state, it depends on his employer's policies.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

My sister has been on her ex husband's health insurance even post divorce. So are you sure about that?

Duplicate duplicate

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

My sister has been on her ex husband's health insurance even post divorce. So are you sure about that?

No work tied health insurance will allow ex spouses on it. Ex spouses aren’t in a category of “family” allowed on health insurance. Of course if he bought some kind of private plan for her then it’s a different story.

PS Wow I stand corrected then. My bad. Guess it’s different in your state. There is no way no how anyone would keep ex spouses on health insurance here. How do businesses afford it in your state.

It sounds like you can have health insurance through Cobra if you lose insurance. That’s different. You can do it by federal law. Federal law doesn’t allow ex spouses on work health insurance. So do you want lawyer to get him to pay for Cobra?

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

No work tied health insurance will allow ex spouses on it. Ex spouses aren’t in a category of “family” allowed on health insurance. Of course if he bought some kind of private plan for her then it’s a different story.

PS Wow I stand corrected then. My bad. Guess it’s different in your state. There is no way no how anyone would keep ex spouses on health insurance here. How do businesses afford it in your state.

It sounds like you can keep it through Cobra. That’s different. You can do it by federal law

Cobra here costs an individual over $1000 per month. NOT feasible.

Massachusetts is a very good state to live in for health insurance other than Cobra.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Cobra here costs an individual over $1000 per month. NOT feasible.

Massachusetts is a very good state to live in for health insurance.

I understand, but how would his work agree to keep you on his health insurance post divorce? It costs them money to keep unrelated people on.

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 09:26 AM

Divine, I just asked my husband to ask his employer. I quoted something from an article about Massachusetts. It is up to the employer and their specific policy. My sister has been on HER ex husband's health insurance plan for YEARS, post divorce. It's clearly very different here in Massachusetts than where you are.

I cannot afford health insurance otherwise on my own, even the government plan. I can only afford it IF I use my bank loan.

I want to turn over every stone. It depends on the employer's policies.

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 10:45 AM

SERIOUSLY???

He JUST asked me to cover him financially YET AGAIN and until Friday. I told him no, that it's appalling he would even ask me. I said the last time I covered him financially was the very last time. He has some nerve.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 12:05 PM

What happened to $900 he got? Well that’s why he wants to move back in, he can’t manage on one income. It’s ridiculous because you don’t have a job! Don’t give him money. He has brother and parents

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

What happened to $900 he got? Well that’s why he wants to move back in, he can’t manage on one income. It’s ridiculous because you don’t have a job! Don’t give him money. He has brother and parents

I know, right? I can't even believe him!

I refused. So then he asked if I want him to continue paying for my health insurance, which was a subtle threat that he could discontinue paying it for me. He is a true piece of work.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 12:35 PM

I don’t believe he can just take you off insurance as you two are still married and not even in the legal process of divorce

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t believe he can just take you off insurance as you two are still married and not even in the legal process of divorce

I would hope not.

It's the fact that he subtly threatened it that gets to me the most.

See what happens when I say "no" to him and don't give into his demands?

The nerve of him to even ask me for money again. I am outraged.

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 02:10 PM

A fedex package arrived for him at my apartment so I had to tell him about it in case it's important - and it is very important. He called me to open the package for him. Then he claimed that the woman he had this thing with was fired today. He claimed yet again that he cut off communications the morning before I texted him busting him for it. Yeah right. I don't believe a word he says.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 02:16 PM

Why is he telling you she was fired?!??

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Why is he telling you she was fired?!??

I don't know. I suppose because he wants me to be happy she no longer works there and would no longer be an issue, IF I wanted to get back together with him. He said he won't date anyone and that if would be willing to reconsider in a few months, he'll be available.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I don't know. I suppose because he wants me to be happy she no longer works there and would no longer be an issue, IF I wanted to get back together with him. He said he won't date anyone and that if would be willing to reconsider in a few months, he'll be available.

Oh my goodness, what a drama. He could date her when she is not working there. Like it makes a difference that she is fired. How her not being there will make it less of an issue. In fact it’s much easier to date not working together. He must think you are naive

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh my goodness, what a drama. He could date her when she is not working there. Like it makes a difference that she is fired. How her not being there will make it less of an issue. In fact it’s much easier to date not working together. He must think you are naive

Yes he thinks I'm really stupid or something, which makes me feel like I AM stupid. He pulled the wool over my eyes all this time, claiming he would never ever cheat on me, then he did!!! He was able to get away with lying to me all this time about this topic.

05:33 PM

Be strong and remain independent. No harm in keeping him around as a friend. I couldn't forgive myself for being cheated on again and I certainly wouldn't forgive him. Maybe he could be a better man, the man you once knew maybe. only time will tell.

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ann bog

Be strong and remain independent. No harm in keeping him around as a friend. I couldn't forgive myself for being cheated on and I certainly wouldn't forgive him. Maybe he could be a better man, the man you once knew maybe. only time will tell.

I don't understand your post. Why would I keep him as a friend? He's an abusive narcissist, so there is no hope for him or us and there is no hope for changes or improvement. I have faced that reality. I cannot be friends who someone who treated me SO badly with such disrespect and disregard, or with someone who cheated on me. I have a LOT of self respect and that is just degrading. And how can I be friends with someone I cannot forgive? That makes no sense. He was never a good man. He fooled me, and I fed right into the deception.

divine1966 · Jan 13, 2021, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ann bog

Be strong and remain independent. No harm in keeping him around as a friend. I couldn't forgive myself for being cheated on and I certainly wouldn't forgive him. Maybe he could be a better man, the man you once knew maybe. only time will tell.

He is shady and not trustworthy. Why would she want him as a friend? I don’t recall her saying he was a better man at some point. They only knew each other for few years and he was then exactly who he is now. She had issues with him from the very beginning

eskielover · Jan 13, 2021, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Indemnification should cover me financially if he doesn't pay.

Yea, this goes back a few posts BUT if he doesn't pay, he is not going to have money to pay you indemnification. Sounds good in words but meaningless in REALITY.

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Yea, this goes back a few posts BUT if he doesn't pay, he is not going to have money to pay you indemnification. Sounds good in words but meaningless in REALITY.

Then I can take him to court and sue him. That's what indemnification means.

Jan 13, 2021, 05:31 PM

Sorry, I just wanted to check in. Hope your doing okay hope. I haven’t read all previous posts but at the top of this page it seemed like you were considering that. And I’m not trying to degrade you, I just know what it is like inside abusive relationships. You don’t realize it’s abusive until your out. Then I look back and couldn’t believe I let myself fall victim to such behavior. Sorry if I upset you. I was just trying to encourage you to continue to be strong and not allow him into your life any further.

Have Hope · Jan 13, 2021, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ann bog

Sorry, I just wanted to check in. Hope your doing okay hope. I haven’t read all previous posts but at the top of this page it seemed like you were considering that. And I’m not trying to degrade you, I just know what it is like inside abusive relationships. You don’t realize it’s abusive until your out. Then I look back and couldn’t believe I let myself fall victim to such behavior. Sorry if I upset you. I was just trying to encourage you to continue to be strong and not allow him into your life any further.

That's Ok, @ann bog. I know you mean well and are wanting to be supportive. It's all good.

I just didn't understand why it was suggested I be friends with him. He's been SO abusive. He's a liar, a sneak and has no character. These are not the types of people I choose to associate with, as friends.

I wasn't saying that YOU personally were degrading me. I was saying that if I chose to remain friends with him that that itself would be degrading.

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