[AzulOscuro]

Would you see as a good idea if we put together all the red flags, things we could know to help among as when meeting someone online with the possibility to going on a date? Also the same when they may end up being scammers.

I’m listening just now to a podcast called it “fool me twice” and it’s pointing out as one of the red flag when just from the get go, the other person makes you feel comfortable enough for you to open up very fast about your stuff.
He or she maybe try to get from yourself as many information as possible with hidden intentions.

Would you like to participate?

[divine1966]

I think red flags are about the same regardless where you meet people. So we can put together red flags for any kind of dating. Scammers come in all shape or forms, not just online. People typically reveal themselves early on, we just have to pay attention. Sadly when people are desperate for love, they don’t want to pay attention

Red flags: too much too soon. Declaration of love and devotion too soon, wanting intimacy too soon, lacking stability in their life like no place to live (so hope they can move in), telling horror stories about exes and how they did them wrong and how they abused them-share it early on so you feel empathy.

Call or text (typically text) or want to meet at wrong weird times (too late or too early in the day and not on the weekends-likely still in the relationship with someone else or have substance abuse problem-too drunk to communicate or go out at reasonable time), ask you on a date the last minute-other dates fell through, cancel on you more than occasionally.

Tell you right away they feel strong connection like they never felt before- BS, not inviting you over- live with others or something else fishy, appears hot and cold and moods go and down-could be substance abuse issue.

Love bombing you before they even know you well enough, how wonderful you are and how you are the best. Want to meet right away and often and soon or don’t want to meet, dragging it. Asking for personal info too soon. Talks about exes too much, regardless positively or negatively.

[MickeyCheeky]

i think this is a good idea so Thank you both for bringing it up! it may be a useful reference for whoever is dealing with this kind of thing. i don't have much to add myself as i have never really tried online dating but i wanted to provide my support nonetheless. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL you, @AzulOscuro, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I’m listening just now to a podcast called it “fool me twice” and it’s pointing out as one of the red flag when just from the get go, the other person makes you feel comfortable enough for you to open u very fast about your stuff.

Or maybe he's a cool dude you're going to reject because of a "red flag" you've heard about in some st*pid podcast.

No offense, but I think people are too complicated to have the same criteria for everyone. I don't want to be unsupportive! The guy may be a player who's working you, or he may be pretty cool person. It's not black and white. We should learn how to verify the stories we're offered instead of how to detect "red flags" - GOD, I HATE THAT PHRASE.

EDIT: Again, I don't want to be unsupportive. I honestly believe that phrase "red flag" is dumb. I may be wrong.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

Or maybe he's a cool dude you're going to reject because of a "red flag" you've heard about in some st*pid podcast.

No offense, but I think people are too complicated to have the same criteria for everyone. I don't want to be unsupportive! The guy may be a player who's working you, or he may be pretty cool person. It's not black and white. We should learn how to verify the stories we're offered instead of how to detect "red flags" - GOD, I HATE THAT PHRASE.

EDIT: Again, I don't want to be unsupportive. I honestly believe that phrase "red flag" is dumb. I may be wrong.

I agree not everything is black and white. There are just some signs that people should pay attention to, same thing could be a red flag and a green light, depends on the context and intensity.

Like if a person says they would like to see you again and when do you think you might be available is one thing. Telling them they are yours for life and they think you are their soul mate and they finally found the one and they are ready to commit after 30 minutes, would get most sane people running for the hills.

Also red flags are very individual. Like what’s absolute a no no in a partner for me, it’s just fine for others

[divine1966]

Many doomed relationships have similar signs (so called red flags) that were obvious from the get go, people just didn’t pay attention. Paying attention is the key

[leomama]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Would you see as a good idea if we put together all the red flags, things we could know to help among as when meeting someone online with the possibility to going on a date? Also the same when they may end up being scammers.

I’m listening just now to a podcast called it “fool me twice” and it’s pointing out as one of the red flag when just from the get go, the other person makes you feel comfortable enough for you to open up very fast about your stuff.
He or she maybe try to get from yourself as many information as possible with hidden intentions.

Would you like to participate?

First check out the thrive after abuse site , there’s a lot of good stuff there.
I met my ex fiancé on Twitter so I have personal experience with this.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think red flags are about the same regardless where you meet people. So we can put together red flags for any kind of dating. Scammers come in all shape or forms, not just online. People typically reveal themselves early on, we just have to pay attention. Sadly when people are desperate for love, they don’t want to pay attention

Red flags: too much too soon. Declaration of love and devotion too soon, wanting intimacy too soon, lacking stability in their life like no place to live (so hope they can move in), telling horror stories about exes and how they did them wrong and how they abused them-share it early on so you feel empathy.

Call or text (typically text) or want to meet at wrong weird times (too late or too early in the day and not on the weekends-likely still in the relationship with someone else or have substance abuse problem-too drunk to communicate or go out at reasonable time), ask you on a date the last minute-other dates fell through, cancel on you more than occasionally.

Tell you right away they feel strong connection like they never felt before- BS, not inviting you over- live with others or something else fishy, appears hot and cold and moods go and down-could be substance abuse issue.

Love bombing you before they even know you well enough, how wonderful you are and how you are the best. Want to meet right away and often and soon or don’t want to meet, dragging it. Asking for personal info too soon. Talks about exes too much, regardless positively or negatively.

What a complete post, @Divine. I do really appreciate your input.

And you are very right, the same topic can be applied and this is how it went before internet, I chose online world meetings because people use a lot internet to meet people nowadays, there have been some users writing about this topic, because of the especial circumstances we are living in with the pandemic and because there’s a little difference between both worlds, online you can keep a lie or a facade for more time. So, these are the reasons.

I think you pointed it out very well, when things go to fast in a relationship is something to take into account. I wanted to stress it out from your post but each point is to consider.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i think this is a good idea so Thank you both for bringing it up! it may be a useful reference for whoever is dealing with this kind of thing. i don't have much to add myself as i have never really tried online dating but i wanted to provide my support nonetheless. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL you, @AzulOscuro, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I also thought it would be of help. I’m like you, I don’t have many experience dating online or in general. So, my role here is to put my little grain of sand and learn from others.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

Or maybe he's a cool dude you're going to reject because of a "red flag" you've heard about in some st*pid podcast.

No offense, but I think people are too complicated to have the same criteria for everyone. I don't want to be unsupportive! The guy may be a player who's working you, or he may be pretty cool person. It's not black and white. We should learn how to verify the stories we're offered instead of how to detect "red flags" - GOD, I HATE THAT PHRASE.

EDIT: Again, I don't want to be unsupportive. I honestly believe that phrase "red flag" is dumb. I may be wrong.

How in the earth someone is gonna reject another person only because (s)he saw a single red flag. But, it’s something to take into account. Isn’t it?
Any information you can get with, the better.

Of course, I agree with you that each case is different. But, there are some...call them how you please, warning signs or whatever, alarm bells...that can help you to avoid a bad relation or being a prey of a scammer.

This is the same as the term “toxic people”. There’s no such a thing per se. There are toxic behaviours and we may all be toxic for one person and not for other.

It’s kind of talking in general. For example if a person you have been knowing online for months and (s)he’s reluctant to do a video chat it could mean different things. (s)he lied on you and is a scammer or have something to hide or maybe this person is too shy. It’s up to you how you decide to handle the situation but at least, there’s a warning sign to consider.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Many doomed relationships have similar signs (so called red flags) that were obvious from the get go, people just didn’t pay attention. Paying attention is the key

Yes, it’s very true. Sometimes, it has to do more with the person himself who ignores these signs.

[sarcgeo]

azul,

I have had my profile on many online dating sites for months now and recently deleted all of my profiles. I have not had any success with getting messages and perhaps my red flags are many.

As I have been told previously, the fact that I am still married, not yet divorced is a HUGE red flag for many people. But, they don't understand that I can't afford a divorce right now. I would like to add that we live separately.

Second, another huge red flag...I haven't healed from my past.

So, people who haven't been divorced and not over their past apparently are huge red flags.

I go now back to living under my rock. Also, I am pretty sure this pandemic is not helping things either.

--Sarc

[leomama]

Originally Posted by sarcgeo

azul,

I have had my profile on many online dating sites for months now and recently deleted all of my profiles. I have not had any success with getting messages and perhaps my red flags are many.

As I have been told previously, the fact that I am still married, not yet divorced is a HUGE red flag for many people. But, they don't understand that I can't afford a divorce right now. I would like to add that we live separately.

Second, another huge red flag...I haven't healed from my past.

So, people who haven't been divorced and not over their past apparently are huge red flags.

I go now back to living under my rock. Also, I am pretty sure this pandemic is not helping things either.

--Sarc

That was a deal breaker for me with my ex fiancé. It took him 6 years to divorce and by that time it was too late. If you can’t afford a divorce you can’t afford a new relationship unless it’s with someone in similar circumstances otherwise that’s not fair to the person you’re dating. I’m sure you wouldn’t be as unwise as to propose marriage to another person while still married.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by sarcgeo

azul,

I have had my profile on many online dating sites for months now and recently deleted all of my profiles. I have not had any success with getting messages and perhaps my red flags are many.

As I have been told previously, the fact that I am still married, not yet divorced is a HUGE red flag for many people. But, they don't understand that I can't afford a divorce right now. I would like to add that we live separately.

Second, another huge red flag...I haven't healed from my past.

So, people who haven't been divorced and not over their past apparently are huge red flags.

I go now back to living under my rock. Also, I am pretty sure this pandemic is not helping things either.

--Sarc

I’m not a present for anybody!
What I mean is that I’m not perfect either. I have warning signs or bells jumping everywhere.
You come across here as you don’t value yourself even a bit. Look at what you wrote. You see yourself as a huge red flag.

You want to know what I think about your “red flag”,? I don’t give it a ****, as long as you are honest with the other person you are in a date with, who gives a damn?

For me, red flags or warning signs take place when a person is not sincere and has a hidden agenda.

I’m a depressed person, pathologically shy, not very social, with a very low self-esteem and full of insecurities. Sure, it’s not something nice to start a relationship. But, at least, I’m honest and I say what there is. So, I don’t consider myself a danger for anybody.
You aren’t either, sarc! Please, don’t think like that.

Ok, you are honest enough to admit that you haven’t still passed page but it doesn’t mean you can’t have contacts with other women, while you are being honest with them. Most of us, have our packages in the past. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to look for happiness.

[AzulOscuro]

I have one very good.
If you are going through a especially vulnerable period in your life, be particularly cautious.
In these cases, even if you are a strong person in your normal state, at these very moments you may fall easily as a prey for a scammer or a predator o simply someone who likes to have the control over you.