I'm quitting my therapy. This entire “turning over a new leaf” was a waste of time and energy! I spent one solid year working very hard on opening up and socializing. I thought I managed to connect to others, people started to show me sympathy, but the only thing I liked about it was admiration and attention I’ve been given in the meantime (as ALWAYS). Those are the only two things that spark life inside of me. I couldn’t care less about people’s sincere sympathy. I met good people who treated me better than I could imagine. I have nothing against them. It’s just meaningless to me. I’m done.

Thanks to some of you who replied to my previous messages. It was the first time I had ever spoken about my problems “in public”. Your input actually meant something, I’ve learnt a lot.

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear @MisterPaul, I'm sorry about your therapy, but please don't give up on the Forums yet. This is a really hard time for everyone. Hardly anyone is their best selves right now. You need what many of us need. Things are going to be better. Please hang with us, & make friends with people that you can relate to. It takes a little bit of time & then you begin to feel at home. Wait & see; ok?

[EagleTears]

Therapy can only do so much before it starts to becomes ineffective. It's not meant to be a magic spell that will turn us into **normal** human beings. I believe that is part of the illusion with therapy for a lot of folks. If you want to get better.. then it's up to you to figure out which method works for you. Psychologist aren't robots... they're human beings that uses the knowledge that was taught to them.

At least you're honest about yourself, and you've actually done something to try to fix the issue instead of ignoring it.

Originally Posted by EagleTears

At least you're honest about yourself, and you've actually done something to try to fix the issue instead of ignoring it.

It doesn't mean anything. I'm gonna play the ball the way I used to before the theraphy.

[divine1966]

We all like attention but I wonder what you mean re admiration. So you said you enjoy admiration. People show you admiration. In what way do people admire you? Like some kind of unique accomplishment? I’ve met few people in life who admire me but not like whole bunch at all and I am twice your age. What is that you do that warrants massive admiration?

Originally Posted by divine1966

We all like attention but I wonder what you mean re admiration. So you said you enjoy admiration. People show you admiration. In what way do people admire you? Like some kind of unique accomplishment? I’ve met few people in life who admire me but not like whole bunch at all and I am twice your age. What is that you do that warrants massive admiration?

Oh, I didn't mean massive rockstar-like admiration or anything like that. I have no unique accomplishments to admire.

What I meant is that it's just very easy for me to make great first impression on people. They tend to listen to me, I hear lots of (often unwanted) compliments, and very often I notice individuals listening very carefully to what I say, watching their words as they respond. Also people open up to me very quickly, ask for advice, etc.. It happens pretty much everytime when I meet someone new. Maybe I pick the wrong word.. I meant very warm approval. To a dropout like myself it feels like admiration.

Why do you ask?

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

I'm quitting my therapy. This entire “turning over a new leaf” was a waste of time and energy! I spent one solid year working very hard on opening up and socializing. I thought I managed to connect to others, people started to show me sympathy, but the only thing I liked about it was admiration and attention I’ve been given in the meantime (as ALWAYS). Those are the only two things that spark life inside of me. I couldn’t care less about people’s sincere sympathy. I met good people who treated me better than I could imagine. I have nothing against them. It’s just meaningless to me. I’m done.

Thanks to some of you who replied to my previous messages. It was the first time I had ever spoken about my problems “in public”. Your input actually meant something, I’ve learnt a lot.

So meeting new people with different views are you staying with them or you going to stay in the same old ways?

Therapy is all about fullfilling goals and sometimes it runs it course.

[Have Hope]

I'm sorry that you are quitting therapy. Seems like admiration and attention are what you want and seek the most. It's disheartening - my husband promised he would go to therapy himself, but this gives me no hope that he ever would gain anything out of it.

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I'm sorry that you are quitting therapy. Seems like admiration and attention are what you want and seek the most. It's disheartening - my husband promised he would go to therapy himself, but this gives me no hope that he ever would gain anything out of it.

It is what it is. You can't make your relationships work if you feel absolutely nothing about them (my story). Maybe your husband was one step further than me as he put so much effort to get you back? Maybe he could get better if he cares enough? We're not the same people.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

It is what it is. You can't make your relationships work if you feel absolutely nothing about them (my story). Maybe your husband was one step further than me as he put so much effort to get you back? Maybe he could get better if he cares enough? We're not the same people.

Oh, I know. You are two entirely different people. And I do not know you at all. I know him, however. There's no chance for he and I - I suppose a small part of me does wish he would get the help and healing he needs. He is a very angry person, and has a lot of deep pain within him. I am far too compassionate though. WAY too much so.

Originally Posted by greentires4me

So meeting new people with different views are you staying with them or you going to stay in the same old ways?

Therapy is all about fullfilling goals and sometimes it runs it course.

I honestly don't buy others' sympathy. I'm not "into" vulnerability and I think I'm gonna have to erase all that I did in the past year.

[Open Eyes]

Often when a person was picked on or their ego was injured when they were younger the last thing desired is to be vulnerable. Part of the person's desire is that of power as that is what that person feels will finally heal that powerlessness they experienced when their ego was badly injured.

There is a huge desire to remedy whatever kind of abandonment was suffered in one's past. This means that in order to maintain "self" when there is some kind of abandonment threat is to make sure that self is the one that comes out the victor.

It's not unusual for a narcissist to give up on therapy, that is unless the therapist becomes a source of feed for them, that would make the effort interesting for some narcissists depending upon what satisfies their ego.

What you distain in others is their willingness to be vulnerable which is something you simply do not allow yourself to be.

When it comes to narcissism there is definitely a spectrum and it isn't diagnosed as a disorder of NPD until the individual shows extreme desire of distain to being vulnerable. Instead it's considered a true weakness to allow self to be vulnerable. No, instead it's safer to be the one who condemns and discards. Perhaps, if the injury has this extreme challenge therapy would be more helpful to help self to understand it better in order to live their life in the content of traveling the road that best suits them. This often means traveling the road alone with a better understanding how that's the best road to travel for you.

This can be the route many take, not just narcissists. It's not a crime to travel through life solo.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Perhaps, if the injury has this extreme challenge therapy would be more helpful to help self to understand it better in order to live their life in the content of traveling the road that best suits them. This often means traveling the road alone with a better understanding how that's the best road to travel for you.

This can be the route many take, not just narcissists. It's not a crime to travel through life solo.

@Open Eyes you've just literally voiced my thoughts. To travel through life solo... not an easy thing to put up with for a guy in his mid-twenties. I'm still trying to find a way to actually go out and meet people on my terms without casualties. I feel there is one but I don't see it yet.

[Open Eyes]

Yes you are still young yet so you have time to explore and grow as a person. You can learn skills to avoid the typical pitfalls that this PD can be challenged by. You can learn skills and learn to overcome your challenge with discomfort with being vulnerable

Perhaps it would help if you see if there are books geared toward healing and growing dispite the challenge.

[Open Eyes]

I honestly don't buy others' sympathy. I'm not "into" vulnerability and I think I'm gonna have to erase all that I did in the past year.

So did what you do this past year leave you feeling vulnerable in some way? The only way to make gains on this is to learn how to take a chance and be a little vulnerable and let the chips fall where they may and that you "can" let loose a little instead of having those walls up constantly. That is very hard for someone who is very self protective. It's that wounded part in you that you are protecting so it's understandable how hard it is for you to let that wall you built up come down at all.

You don't need to go back and fix whatever you did, try to let it lay as is.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry.... which is probably not at all helpful. I am not here but I wish you my best.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I am not here but I wish you my best.

Are you trying to insult me by saying this?

[Fuzzybear]

Not at all. I mean I don't really want to be here (not about you at all)

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

So did what you do this past year leave you feeling vulnerable in some way?

@Open Eyes what do you mean, exactly? What did I do to feel more vulnerable or to avoid it?

[Open Eyes]

@MisterPaul yes what do you have to go back and change in what you did this last year?

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

@MisterPaul yes what do you have to go back and change in what you did this last year?

@Open Eyes I didn’t do much to feel vulnerable because that wasn’t my goal. I focused on “successful socializing” with people. I used to be either awkward or just weird since my mindset is just “different” because of my injury. I tried to learn how to have a good time without acting. I did incredibly well but opening up to others is still something I’d label as “impossible”. I strongly believe that if you stripped me off all the progress I made, you would meet a really strange, traumatized individual as default, and you would reject that person right away. It’s true. I feel it in my soul. I’m not wrong, unfortunately.

[Have Hope]

You know what's ironic? I am very empathetic and I often times have found myself involved with the wounded, the tragic and those who have been traumatized, because I can empathize SO much. And of course, by you saying if you stripped everything away, you would see the traumatized person. which naturally pulls on my empathy. But being SO empathetic has proven to bring me only toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationships in the end. I myself am a traumatized kid in an adult body. I guess i am attracted to other traumatized people and men. I am still trying to figure it out, at the age of 50! You're far ahead of the game, at your age. You're very young still, but very aware. You know what works and what doesn't work for you. That's being far ahead in my opinion.

Originally Posted by Have Hope

But being SO empathetic has proven to bring me only toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationships in the end. I myself am a traumatized kid in an adult body. I guess i am attracted to other traumatized people and men.

People have this stupid way of thinking where victims are always the good ones. No, they are not. Lisa Montgomery was a victim of severe child abuse...

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

People have this stupid way of thinking where victims are always the good ones. No, they are not. Lisa Montgomery was a victim of severe child abuse...

What do you mean by that? Was that a dig at me?

I personally? I happen to be a very kindhearted, moral, ethical, honest and decent human being. I consider myself one of the good ones, and regardless of trauma caused to me.

Originally Posted by Have Hope

What do you mean by that? Was that a dig at me?

No, it wasn't. I'm dissing the society in general.