Lack of attraction

I am in a marriage where we are compatible on almost every front. The one sticking point is that my husband says that he does not find me attractive. This goes beyond a weight issue. He doesn't believe that it is possible to develop a feeling of attraction if it doesn't just happen on its own. Any advice on if these feelings can be developed and if so any suggestions on where to look for how to articles or advice?

Hi, I want to say Welcome to the Forums,
However I really do not have an answer for your question, that I can think of other that you said you and your husband are both compatible, in many areas. The key word that I did not see was LOVE, as you are married, I would say that you love one another. I can't see if you love him and he loves you that the fact of being attracted to or unattracted to would even be an issue. In every person I have loved, the physical attractivness had no play on how I felt for that person. As I was able to look past all that and see "the person" for who they truely were.

I am sure someone else will have some better advise. However in my opinion, love is the key issue in a relationship.

Take care, and once again welcome- Chris

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

I also wanted to welcome you to the forum. I have to agree with what kris has said. The word love definately seemed to be missing from your post. Unfortunately I do not know any way to love someone. It either happens or it does not.
There is always therapy. You two could talk about your feelings for one another. Your relationship could blossum in such a setting.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

I hate to say it but, you post gave me the impression that you and hubby are good friends, but that is it. It is not the same to love somebody than to be in love with somebody.

I hope I am wrong, but I ecco everybody else here.

gab

When a man says something like this it's quite a disclosure! If he has said so before anything else has happened outside the marriage, that would be good... but often it is an excuse...

However, men are visual fellas, ok? So you need to ask HIM what would make you more attractive, to him... he'll probably mumble something like Idunno but give him some ideas... and yes, weight might be one of them...

maybe marriage counseling is still an option...

Your post touched me because I think that a loss of an attraction was a major factor in my divorce. Like you my ex and I were best friends for a long time. but, as time went on my ex "aged", and not just "physically", she aged "mentally" as well. She got to teh point where she was just "frumpy".

She did very little to make herself more attractive and was very uncomfortable with her body and her sexuality. As a result she did become less and less attractive to me. Not that she was an "unattractive" , woman, she was not.

Since my divorce I have dated women that were not beauty queens but they had an air of confidence about them, they did things that made themselves more feminine and attractive and they were open with their bodies and with their sexuality. That made them more "attractive" to me. So it is not just about looks, or weight (although it sounds like weight may be a contributing factor in your case). It is about attitude and confidence and sensuality... the whole package.

Hi, What do you consider "attractive" to yourself? Is it pretty clothes, a great hairdo, fancy cars, beautiful home, etc.? Or, is it an active mind, caring attitude, education advancement, etc.? Look inside yourself and see what makes you happy first. Alot of times, when you feel happy on the inside it just shows thru.

If there are areas that you could improve on the feelings you have about yourself, pursue it! If it is education-- go back to school, if it is showing caring for other individuals--volunteer. If it is a new hairdo, then make an appointment and go do it! Work on Your self-esteem and self-confidence and appreciate the things that you do find attractive about yourself.