Sorting out bad behavior verses mental health issues

Every since being diagnosed with mental health issues in my late 40s (anxiety and depression--I also have diagnosis that were "put into" my VA health record of panic disorder (I have experienced this on and off) and in 2018 "bipolar II in full remission" was entered--though I have considered the possibility since coming to PC in 2016 and sometimes ask my therapists and psychiatrists about it. Anyways, I have had times in my life when I am talkative/energized and times I have been depressed. I am still unsure if I am bipolar, I say this only to provide some background to the discussion.

I have always felt like there are some mental health diagnosis that I feel unsure about and I think sometimes people can be misdiagnosed--especially when done over a short period of time. Plus I have the impression that some providers just look at patient's former diagnosis and go with that given that it can be hard to diagnose patients properly (patients could not be forthcoming and many conditions have some of the same symptoms). Also we have all behaved badly at least once in our lives and many mental health issues start because of other bad behaviors or our own. And perhaps some mental health issues can be temporary if given the right treatment or circumstances.

Anyways, relationships are complex and it can be hard to sort out where behaviors are coming from. I do a whole lot of listening to my husband now. There is no doubt that he is much more talkative than I am now and when he has asked if he is too talkative--I have said it is OK--my POV is that a good partner tries to be a good listener. Not that I am never talkative. I still can be. I also have a problem with restating the same thing sometimes. It is something I am really trying to stop myself from doing. However, whenever I have a slight amount of excitement in my voice or am slightly talkative--my husband asks if I have taken my medication. Lately, it seem like he asks everyday (and perhaps more than one time a day--I don't count, a long ago stopped trying to figure out who is "crazy" or might be lying by monitoring/writing down things people say--this was making me crazy. However, I did relate to what was said at minute 2:26 of the following video: "person may say "You need to calm down, is there something wrong with you, maybe you need to see a therapist because you sure get some strong emotional reactions..." He still reacts to me this way sometimes even though I don't feel upset much anymore and I don't react much to when he gets upset anymore. Trusting in God and leaving it to him to judge people's intentions and hearts has calmed me down inside. I did make an appointment to see my old therapist (which I have not seen since prior to this whole Covid thing) but I actually envision myself speaking to her about how far I have progressed in regards to my mental health. I feel like I am stable and making better judgements. Perhaps my H is just shell shocked about everything that has happened in our family during the past few years but just wanted to put it out there that it can be so confusing to distinguish between bad behavior and mental health issues. The one thing I am not confused about is me. I still have things I need to work on but don't we all? What do you think?

*Him! Thank you so much for sharing this, @TunedOut! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Hi @TunedOut,
thanks for sharing! I can relate: Any diagnosis can help as much as hinder us. It can be a relieve, as in I really have issues and I am not imaganing... It can free us somewhat. It can help our family and friend to understand us in someway. But it can also feel like a container. People put you in and dont let you out.
I was diagnoses with Borderline, although the diagnosis changed later, I remember moments when I felt my boyfriend was beeing extra calm in a fight and cept telling how he was affraid I was gonna hit him, although nothing of the sort ever happend.
I can relate that it can feel like a provocation when a spouse refers to you medication or diagnosis.
Can you talk to him? Ask why he behaves this why? And tell him how you feel about it?

Thanks. Yes. I agree and I have seen where the Borderline diagnosis (though I heard you say they changed it for you and that is not your diagnosis) sometimes gets unfair PR too which could inhibit people from getting the right diagnosis and many times IMO, we are maybe on a spectrum to the point we "nearly" qualify for the diagnosis (more high functioning with less severe symptoms) so maybe could benefit from some to the tools used but don't need as much medication or therapy as someone with more severe symptoms or someone just learning how to manage what they have.

On a few occasions, when we are both feeling calm, we have successfully talked about it. He says he worries about me (I am lucky, not everyone has this. ) and though he would not admit to having PTSD from everything that happened (I made a serious attempt in 2015 and he was the one that found me ) -- I sometimes think that he does suffer from that event and the fallout. Complicating matters is that he is one of those guys that does not admit weakness in many situations, is a traditional--men are supposed to be the strong ones and make sure everything goes OK. I am accident prone sometimes and it can feel like he is the safety patrol. But we do talk about it sometimes while there are other times that I can sense that it is better to just try not to talk and let the funk I am feeling in the air between us just pass. He also used to follow some of my posts here (and may still sometimes)--so I thought if he sees this then good!

Maybe you are more talkative/excited when you feel less depressed? If your husband is used to you being depressed as a normal state of affairs, then when you seem happy, it may seem like something's wrong even though it is a sign that things are going well! I would be very annoyed to have someone asking me if I took my meds because I seemed more talkative than usual but another part of me would worry that he saw something I didn't see. Making an appointment with your old therapist sounds like a great idea because you can get another take on it.