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  #1  
Old Apr 28, 2021, 11:23 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Jewelry, sheets, towels, bedding, clothing, stuffed animals.

Some of it is worn out and could be replaced , however I like it.

There is no hope. He still blames me for the ending of our relationship. He was living in a homeless shelter and I was working ft as a barista. I couldn’t take it. He had promised me the moon and didn’t deliver it. I had been warned that was going to happen.

Now he claims to have paid for a house in cash in my city which is very expensive.

He refuses to take my calls.



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  #2  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 12:22 AM
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Is this the one who was still married and telling you that he was going to marry you? I guess, if it's stuff you like and doesn't bother you, you could keep it. But if it's bringing back bad memories, I'd get rid of it.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #3  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 12:55 AM
RoxanneToto RoxanneToto is offline
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If you don’t feel bothered when you look at something he gave you, there’s no reason you can’t keep it. I still have a few things from my last relationship, they’re tucked away somewhere but I don’t feel much when I do see them.
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  #4  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 01:24 AM
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mote.of.soul mote.of.soul is offline
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I say wipe the slate clean and get rid of it, like making a fresh start. A closure of sorts.
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  #5  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 02:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Is this the one who was still married and telling you that he was going to marry you? I guess, if it's stuff you like and doesn't bother you, you could keep it. But if it's bringing back bad memories, I'd get rid of it.

Yes I saw his divorce papers in 2018. I left him again when I found out he was living in a homeless shelter while I was working ft at a menial job.
It’s not bad memories. It’s a constant reminder of how he still treats me. Won’t take my calls. The things he’s given me have become implanted in other peoples lives.

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  #6  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 05:59 AM
RoxanneToto RoxanneToto is offline
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Well, this is what it boils down to - would you feel better if you got rid of them, or at least put them out of sight for a while if possible? If you’re having trouble moving on (because you haven’t yet, if you’re still thinking about how he’s not responding to you now), it might help.
  #7  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 11:48 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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I think if it helps you to move on, then you can get rid of those things. Whatever helps to start fresh.

Honestly as much as it hurts, if relationship is over he doesn’t have to answer your phone calls. I understand it would be nice if he did of course.
  #8  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 11:58 AM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I think if it helps you to move on, then you can get rid of those things. Whatever helps to start fresh.

Honestly as much as it hurts, if relationship is over he doesn’t have to answer your phone calls. I understand it would be nice if he did of course.

He’s telling me to fix it, unwind what I’ve done, etc.

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  #9  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 12:16 PM
MsLady MsLady is offline
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There's no rule around that. It's up to you and your own healing process. If you want to keep something for xyz reason, then keep it.
  #10  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 12:24 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by leomama View Post
He’s telling me to fix it, unwind what I’ve done, etc.

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Is he putting it in writing? Or in person? You said he isn’t answering your phone calls. Regardless what he is telling you, it doesn’t sound like there is future with this man. I don’t get rid of stuff but I know people do so they can start fresh

Last edited by divine1966; Apr 29, 2021 at 01:37 PM.
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  #11  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 12:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leomama View Post
Yes I saw his divorce papers in 2018. I left him again when I found out he was living in a homeless shelter while I was working ft at a menial job.
It’s not bad memories. It’s a constant reminder of how he still treats me. Won’t take my calls. The things he’s given me have become implanted in other peoples lives.

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Honestly, I think you should get rid of the stuff and block him out of your life. Why does he get to make YOU feel like you did things wrong when he was married while pursuing you, lying to you, and then making YOU feel bad?

Sorry if I misremember the details. I'd work to replace the items if they were necessary, one by one. Get rid of what you don't need that's from him. And otherwise kick him out of your life entirely.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
leomama, RoxanneToto
  #12  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 01:02 PM
Rive. Rive. is offline
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It's up to you. There are no 'shoulds' about it.
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  #13  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
It's up to you. There are no 'shoulds' about it.
I wasn't meaning "should" in a must-do kind of way. Leomama asked what she should do; it's the title of her thread.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
  #14  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 04:56 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Is he putting it in writing? Or in person? You said he isn’t answering your phone calls. Regardless what he is telling you, it doesn’t sound like there is future with this man. I don’t get rid of stuff but I know people do so they can start fresh

He’s telling me this is in text.

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  #15  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 04:59 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Honestly, I think you should get rid of the stuff and block him out of your life. Why does he get to make YOU feel like you did things wrong when he was married while pursuing you, lying to you, and then making YOU feel bad?

Sorry if I misremember the details. I'd work to replace the items if they were necessary, one by one. Get rid of what you don't need that's from him. And otherwise kick him out of your life entirely.

No you don’t remember wrong , first he was married and then when I reconciled with him after I found out he was divorced he was living in a homeless shelter after abandoning the in law rental I had connected him with. Now he claims to have a bought a house in my city and is telling me I need to unwind things, ask forgiveness, fix things, that I swing wide.

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  #16  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 04:59 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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It's up to you. There are no 'shoulds' about it.

Yes I know and that’s why I didn’t use the word should .

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  #17  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 05:16 PM
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No you don’t remember wrong , first he was married and then when I reconciled with him after I found out he was divorced he was living in a homeless shelter after abandoning the in law rental I had connected him with. Now he claims to have a bought a house in my city and is telling me I need to unwind things, ask forgiveness, fix things, that I swing wide.

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I just don't see what you have to "ask forgiveness" for? Why is it your job to fix things? He's a liar and gaslighting you, IMO.

I'm not telling you what to do, just giving you an opinion. I know it's hard to let go of things when a relationship ends. But I also think it's good for healing and moving on. It also cuts the emotional ties he still might have on you.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
leomama, RoxanneToto
  #18  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 05:19 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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I just don't see what you have to "ask forgiveness" for? Why is it your job to fix things? He's a liar and gaslighting you, IMO.

I'm not telling you what to do, just giving you an opinion. I know it's hard to let go of things when a relationship ends. But I also think it's good for healing and moving on. It also cuts the emotional ties he still might have on you.

It’s hard because I ended it both times hoping for a change. I can never get things back to the way they were in the beginning.

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  #19  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 05:54 PM
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In the beginning things were not even real as he lied about a lot of things, who he was and what he did. Sure things can never be the same because a lot of it was a lie.

He is playing you. He sees you are calling, he isn’t picking up, he knows it upsets you. What do you call him about? You give too much validity to what he says. It’s easy to text things. Doesn’t cost anything. And it’s very common for people who were dumped to blame the other person: “you gave up too soon, you had to give it a chance”. Just because he says things, it doesn’t mean they have any validity.
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  #20  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 06:09 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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From what you are saying, it sounds to me like you are still wanting a relationship with him. Is he saying he is willing to resume the relationship if you ‘apologize and make things right’? But, from what you describe about him, he sounds really bad for you (and for anyone).

The things he gave you are just things. If you like them, keep them. If they are upsetting you because they remind you of him, get rid of them.

If you are calling him, but he won’t take your calls, it sounds like you are pursuing him and still wanting a relationship. So, it’s confusing to me that it isn’t necessarily over, but you are debating getting rid of reminders.
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  #21  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
From what you are saying, it sounds to me like you are still wanting a relationship with him. Is he saying he is willing to resume the relationship if you ‘apologize and make things right’? But, from what you describe about him, he sounds really bad for you (and for anyone).

The things he gave you are just things. If you like them, keep them. If they are upsetting you because they remind you of him, get rid of them.

If you are calling him, but he won’t take your calls, it sounds like you are pursuing him and still wanting a relationship. So, it’s confusing to me that it isn’t necessarily over, but you are debating getting rid of reminders.
It sounds that relationship is over, but leomama wants to rekindle it. He refuses to pick up the phone and she previously said he wouldn’t meet her in person either. So maybe by getting rid of things she’d have easier time to move on. Although things like towels and sheets don’t really have sentimental value imho. I don’t feel attachment to towels. Jewelry is different I think, even if inexpensive. Just my opinion of course
  #22  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
From what you are saying, it sounds to me like you are still wanting a relationship with him. Is he saying he is willing to resume the relationship if you ‘apologize and make things right’? But, from what you describe about him, he sounds really bad for you (and for anyone).

The things he gave you are just things. If you like them, keep them. If they are upsetting you because they remind you of him, get rid of them.

If you are calling him, but he won’t take your calls, it sounds like you are pursuing him and still wanting a relationship. So, it’s confusing to me that it isn’t necessarily over, but you are debating getting rid of reminders.

I ended it twice but when he told me bought a house in my city I thought he finally could deliver on his promise.

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  #23  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 08:41 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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I ended it twice but when he told me bought a house in my city I thought he finally could deliver on his promise.

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It sounds like he has no means to buy a house. He probably just told it to you to mess with your head? Does that sound like a likely possibility? He’s angry that you previously broke up with him, he knows you wanted him to be a person who supports himself (not homeless), so he’s taunting you by lying about having bought a home just to mess with you?
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. About Me--T
Thanks for this!
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  #24  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
It sounds like he has no means to buy a house. He probably just told it to you to mess with your head? Does that sound like a likely possibility? He’s angry that you previously broke up with him, he knows you wanted him to be a person who supports himself (not homeless), so he’s taunting you by lying about having bought a home just to mess with you?

Well he claims to have had an apartment or two before he bought the house and he claims that he was able to cash in on some stocks and licensing. At any rate it doesn’t matter because he’s not going to get me asking him for forgiveness or unwinding anything I’ve done. Even when I tell him the things I regret he ignores me so I honestly don’t know what he’s looking for.

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  #25  
Old Apr 29, 2021, 10:06 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Well he claims to have had an apartment or two before he bought the house and he claims that he was able to cash in on some stocks and licensing. At any rate it doesn’t matter because he’s not going to get me asking him for forgiveness or unwinding anything I’ve done. Even when I tell him the things I regret he ignores me so I honestly don’t know what he’s looking for.

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Look, I don't know all the particulars but considering he based everything off of lies...I don't know what he feels hurt by that you did, but, I don' even know how to explain it. He's gaslighting you. Manipulating you. I mean, this is just my opinion, but frankly he lies about being married and getting a divorce and whatever you've done I'm sure is small potatoes in comparison. It's like asking an assault victim to apologize to the assaulter for scratching them when defending themselves. Do you see what I mean?

Again, I don't know all the particulars, but that's the impression I get.


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__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto
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