Empty promises or something better?

I am still trying to process the ending of my relationship with my soulmate over 2 years ago, a man who called me his bride while still married to another woman, living in another state.

At the time I was in that relationship I was also single handedly raising a teenage daughter and battling a case of ptsd/bipolar. Now that my daughter is an adult and I am no longer walking around with a diagnosis, he is nowhere to be found. He claims to be living in my city but I haven’t seen head nor tail of him since I walked away from him over 2 years ago.

My current boyfriend has made no proposals and I can’t decide if that’s better or worse. It took my ex fiancé 6 years to divorce his wife . Problem is I would much rather live in the fantasy world my ex fiancé created then the seemly future less reality with my current boyfriend who lives with his mother.

Why did you split from your ex fiancé? Do you want to marry your current boyfriend? Do you love him or do you still love your ex fiancé? It sounds a bit confusing to be in one relationship but to still be thinking back on another relationship.

Being with a married person is worse, IMHO. Seeing someone outside the marriage basically showed he wasn’t committed to either of you (and if he was the type to commit, he wouldn’t have cheated on his wife. Sorry).
Have you discussed the future with your current partner? If he can’t give you what you want, what do you want to do about it?

Well my ex fiancé divorced in 2018. And I’m not sure what to do about my current boyfriend. I have definitely discussed the future with him and it doesn’t look good at all .

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If a woman (or man) is involved with a married person it's a good idea to accept that that person will not end his/her marriage, regardless of what is said. If someone cannot accept that, the extramarital relationship is NOT a good idea.

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My current boyfriend has made no proposals and I can’t decide if that’s better or worse. It took my ex fiancé 6 years to divorce his wife . Problem is I would much rather live in the fantasy world my ex fiancé created then the seemly future less reality with my current boyfriend who lives with his mother.

If you would rather live in the fantasy world maybe YOUR CHOICE of poor partners is your own self-defense mechanism to actually keep you out of a bad marriage again. Sometimes wishful thinking can be much better than the reality it could create.

There’s always a third option of finding something else that really feels good.

Why are you attracted to unavailable men? Men that can’t be totally committed to you?

Both men are not a good option for many reasons. Well the ex is not in the picture and isn’t even responding to you. If you haven’t seen him for that long, it’s time to move on plus he was full of drama when he was around (lying etc). So that fantasy isn’t even exciting one.

Your current guy doesn’t sound like happily ever after either. Lives with mom, has some other issues and isn’t bringing up life long commitment.

I’d go with third option: move on from both guys and not date for awhile. Or fourth option: look for a better relationship material. Neither guy is Mr. Right

I ended the other relationship because my ex fiancé was homeless at the time. I’m not at all confused. The current relationship has really clarified things for me about the past relationship. However my ex fiancé continues to ignore me even though he said he hasn’t been with anyone and he’s waiting for me to fix this.

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He ended his marriage in 2018, that’s when I laid eyes on the papers .

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Well I don’t have any active proposals as my ex fiancé is nowhere to be found and my current boyfriend has no action plan to make marriage an option.

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Yeah at this point I don’t think that’s an option. Somebody would have to come along to displace my ex fiancé in my heart and my current boyfriend isn’t doing it.

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If I knew the answer to that I wouldn’t be here. My current boyfriend is loyal to me in terms of women but there are other ways in which he is unavailable.

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Oh my current boyfriend wants to be married but has no plan to do so, plus I wasn’t looking to date when I met him.

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I’ve never met or heard of a man wanting to be married but not having any plans for it or taking basic steps towards it. It’s completely contradictory. If they want to be married to you, they have plans to marry you and they go forward with those plans . Otherwise it’s all talk

I’ve met unavailable men though who tell women they want to be married because they know that’s what women want to hear. In reality they aren’t interested in real commitment but they manage to get women hooked and string them along because they say the right thing. I think you waste your time on this guy.

If you want casual dating it’s all good but if you want true commitment, you need to go for men who are available for commitment. Neither of these two are

So your ex tells you things you want to hear. But that’s fantasy. Reality is you aren’t together anymore for the past two years and he isn’t in communication with you/ignores you. He says a lot of things but it doesn’t match what’s really going on. He keeps you from moving on with your life by telling you things that keeps you hooked. Sadly it’s not uncommon ploy. It’s not real

Well my current boyfriend did cut down on smoking and drinking , and he did meet with me and my priest.

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Yes I left him over two years ago and I deeply regret that now, I had him blocked, I regret that, I didn’t answer the phone when he called, I regret that too. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, which I all regret, deeply.

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Why do you need to be with or marry either of these guys?

It’s good he cut on drinking and smoking.

Did he meet with your priest to discuss something? Marriage? Or just in general?

It doesn’t sound you are that into him plus you still hope for the other one. I’d not marry anyone if I’d fell this way

Why do you regret leaving? Your relationship with him was full of drama and lies. Why do you blame yourself?

Well I’m dating one and being ignored by the other one. I think I need to stop dating the one .

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We met with my priest to talk about each other. I was into him until I began to realize the relationship wasn’t going anywhere .

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I feel (as I do with my ex husband and my mother) that if I had just acted differently things would’ve been different . I do feel it was my fault . We didn’t really integrate into each other’s lives. I mean he became a part of mine but I didn’t become a part of his. I know I need help with this.

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