My Ex and my family

I am struggling with feelings of betrayal from my mom and sister. My ex and I divorced December 2019. It was a nasty divorce and he has taken me back to court 3 times since then and keeps trying to find ways to make things difficult. He tries to gaslight me and exhibits the traits of a narcissist. We have 2 girls (14, 11). It has been very hard on them as well, especially since they know the things he says and does to make me feel bad. We live far from our families, and he requested a 2 week vacation this summer to visit the family and friends. I have talked with my mom and sister about the things he has done and how hurt I am and how hard it has been. They said they were excited to see the girls when they came to town. I have made it clear in the past that I don't think it is right for them to spend time with my Ex. They HATED him when we were married and always said they hoped we would divorce and he was an awful person. Fast forward to my girls coming back and they told me that he stayed at my mom's house with them and my sister came over and they were all having a fun and laughing together. I told my mom and sister how I felt and they just brushed it off. Am I overreacting to my family suddenly welcoming him with open arms? I feel so lost and alone that they would do this. I was told that the girls were staying there and my ex was staying with friends, so I was lied to as well.

So Sorry for what you're going through! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i don't think you are overreacting at all, it is unfair to lie to you especially about something like this. So Sorry. i'd suggest to be clear toy our Family and make them understand that they shouldn't lie to you about this especially since it is clear from what you wrote at least that things are still rocky between you and your husband. i'd say make them understand that if they keep this up you may be forced to not let them visit you if it proves necessary. Do you have joint custody with your Husband or do they usually stay with you? Hugs. i Hope you'll be able to sort this out with your Husband and Family. Please do not give up your Hope. Love. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @beachgurl01, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Dear beachgurl01,

I don't think you are over-reacting at all. I believe that I would be thinking and feeling the same things you are thinking and feeling if I was in your shoes.

I hope the situation improves!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

I would feel the same.....however there may be a bigger picture to this than you are aware of.

The friend your ex was supposed to stay with might have had a change of plans in his life. (Though your ex could have stayed at a motel if he had budgeted for it).

The thing with having kids, would you have wanted your kids to have a miserable time because your parents were treating your ex badly? Sometimes we tolerate & treat people nicely even though we don't like them for the sake of the kids. He is their dad & they deserve to have fun when he is with them too.

All that said.....I would still probably have the underlying feelings you are experiencing but I would also try to look at a bigger picture for a better possible understanding & to also ease the bad feelings it caused inside of you.

It is good your kids had fun & that is the important thing

I would have felt betrayed, too, especially as it sounds like your family made nothing of it when you expressed how hurt you were. It’s disappointing and hurts when you don’t get the support you were expecting/hoping for. I agree with eskielover about keeping the possible bigger picture in mind, as long as it doesn’t go against any legal agreements you might have, regarding the children (a general aside, of course. I know very little about law!)

Clear lack of respect and boundaries from your mom.

I understand your ex may have turned up and it would then have been difficult for her to deny him access to his children - that would be excusable. However, she let him stay over. That is very disrespectful and yes, I see it as a betrayal.

If I were in your place I would have felt the same. Are your mother and sister always like this? Do they like to rub salt in your wounds or are they supportive otherwise? If it is a one time lapse then you can cut them some slack and look at the bigger picture, as eskielover has suggested. If they are repeat offenders you can give them a stern talk. Either way, you are not overreacting at all. They should have kept you in the loop when inviting in your ex.