I don’t know how to explain that I didn’t want their attention.

Last night my boyfriend was having a video chat with a couple of his friends to discuss a camping trip there taking next month and while they talked and we’re making lists about stuff they needed I got drunk and started feeling…needy…
I have tried to use my words and communicate how I feel or describe the sensation about a hundred time but I can’t, the best I can do is say that I got an urge and started walking around the house naked. And his friends saw me on the camera and now he’s pissed….I feel terrible, idk what to say to him or how to apologize enough, or to make him understand that I only wanted his attention and not his friends. I can’t stop crying and he’s been at his parents for the day hanging out or whatever. He sent me a txt saying he needs some space to relax and think about what happened, but I don’t want space and I really need him right now! Ik it’s selfish but I feel so terrible about it and I’m disgusted at myself and I just want him to forgive me.

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I dont understand completely. You were feeling needy and needed his attention so you walked around naked on camera?

I think hard as it will be it's going to be best to give him that space he's asked for, if you think of this as being an action of love and respect for him it might help you feel more positive about that.

Have you read about attachment styles? This could help you understand why you felt compelled to do what you did to pull his attention back to you and be what you describe as needy. We all have different attachment styles and it can impact on our relationships in different ways. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything like that but if you understand more about your attachment style you can be aware of feelings and impulses you have.

But for now I would give him.that space and if you've already apologised you've done the best thing you can do.

So Sorry about what happened! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about not fully understanding the situation and about leaving home space at the moment. Hopefully when he decides to come back you will both be able to talk about it. If this need for attention is something recurring i think it may be useful to explore perhaps with a therapist even. Give it a thought perhaps. i Hope things will improve really soon for you both and for everyone. Love. Be Safe. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Katie pombel, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thank you guys so so much, I’m sorry it took a while to reply but I’ve been reading what you guys said and it’s been really helping to have you guys be supportive. I gave him his space as you guys suggested and he’s staying away for the week to gather his thoughts and decide if he can work with me to get over my childhood trauma and my inappropriate actions. I’ve been crying so much but I think if I’m strong he’ll like sense that and be more understanding than if I’m a soppy mess. So I’m going to try to communicate with him and work things out. Thank you guys so much again *big hugs* and I would love to learn about attachment styles and learn more about what I’m going through and how to cope with me kinda losing my mind and acting crazy.

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Hi Katie! I read your post and I think you can try to control your impulses and develop some boundaries. Oftentimes we feel like doing something, but if we do it at the wrong time or place it can make other people uncomfortable. If you are not sure how to navigate this path, you may consider therapy. Work on yourself rather than worrying about your boyfriend or his reactions. Treat this incident not as something bad but as a wake up call to take charge. Above all keep loving yourself, you're amazing!

I’ve been going to therapy to deal with some of my exhibitionist tendencies for about 3 months now as well as childhood trauma and I’m definitely trying to work on things. My therapist thinks that I have some issues with boundaries personally and because I essentially grew up in a house hold of nudists that whenever I don’t feel cared for or I feel like I want attention I kind of regress to what I’ve been thought my whole life and get naked. She told me that I was being groomed as a child and I have to fight my impulses and focus on rational thought instead of my comforts.

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I don't understand what your therapist is stating. If you grew up with "nudists" then being nude would NOT be an attention-getting go-to. Putting on a ball gown would be attention-seeking.

You may need a different therapist.

You also should know that this may not be a "forgive" type error you made. His friends have now seen you without clothing. Many men don't care for that. It might be a dealbreaker for him. It would be for me.

There is something deeper happening with you, because a way to get attention during a video call would be to talk during the call, appear (clothed) in the video, or some other thing. Definitely not deciding to take your clothes off and parade in front of the camera.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about growing up in a nudist household? What is his take on it? Is he sympathetic towards you? If your boyfriend agrees to talk to you, then perhaps the two of you can discuss your childhood traumas and other issues. I think it will help him understand you better. If we love someone we love the whole of them, flaws and all. Nobody is perfect.

He knew prior. And maybe your right @Molinit. I think I’ve just been so upset I haven’t been thinking clearly.