Disagreement

I had a fight with my husband......well, fight may be a bit of a stretch as fight for us is I or he say something and then if the other disagrees, we state why perhaps is a "I'm right tone" and then we stop the talk without coming to some kind of common ground. This time it was about "our daughters play time". I had currently designated Monday and Friday after school for her to bring friends over to play. She wants more days(she's 10yrs old). I said no as there is school work and honestly having kids over is "hard"....I also have a 4 yrs old who plays with daughter and friends. They play indoors and sometimes in back yard...I supervise. My husband stated..."When I was a child I played everyday after school". But when he was a child it was different....kids were not being kidnapped, or we didn 't hear some of the things we hear of today. Plus it is "ME" that has to put up with so many kids and so much noise and mess and fighting, etc. I can't deal with that every day. Oh not to mention some of these kids come over to my house with their homework and ask me to help them with it. Am I wrong for putting my foot down and setting play days?...I also think that it teaches guidelines, and responsibility. Okay, everyone...give me your opinions. Perahps two days is not enough socializing time....I don't know...I was trying to strike some balance................

(((((Rosario))))) I can see both sides of this...disagreement.

Things are different now. Even if the safety of the children isn't an issue (luckily where I live it is not an issue, I have however lived in places where the kids were not permitted outside without my direct supervision). Kids today have a lot more homework now then I ever did in school. For some reason, they have a lot more homework in elementary than in high school!

When my twins were in the third grade, we had hours of homework every single night! My older two were in jr. High and they had far less homework, so there is an end in sight to this!

As for your daughter wanting another day, hmm, is there a way that dad can do an every other Wed. thing?

And a bit of unwanted advice, it is wonderful that your 10 year old plays with the little one, but be sure that she has some time with just her friends. That was a big problem in our house. I don't know if it was because I have identical twins as the babies of the family, but my daughter (middle child) very much resented the fact that many of her friends would spend more time with the twins than her.

I don't think you're wrong at all for putting your foot down. Furthermore (((((hug))))) there is an extra hug for helping the friends with their homework. Our house was the hang out, and my rule was homework first, and we actually did get it completed faster with everyone doing the same homework at the same time.

This is a tightrope that I am very happy to be finished with. I remember very well as a young girl being left out because everyone did x, and I was not permitted to do so. The pre-teen / teen years suck for girls.

Perhaps you can negotiate an extra day with your daughter. She helps with the chores and her friends can come over another day. I'm sorry that I was not able to be of more help.

AAAAA...thanks so much for your advise...and yes it was helpful!
I'm torn because I want my daughter to play, but it does get to much for me. As for my smaller child, one of my daughter's closests friend brings her sister over and they play together. Funny that you say if my husband can perhaps take over on Wednesday because one of his days off of work is Wednesdays. The thing is that his method of supervision is him looking himself up in his room and watching a movie and leaving me all alone. It seems that since I'm a stay at home mom, he believes that it is my job to deal with everything to do with the kids and the house. The kids that come over to do the homework are three sibling friends whose mom is blind.....so I do feel guilty not to want to do it....yet I feel resentful, because at times I see their dad come home early and I think to myself..."these are his kids, why doesn't he help them with the homework". I feel torn....I don't want my daughter to miss out, yet I don't want to live angry and resentful over this...that's why for me two days is fair...now if my husband took over on Wednesdays and truly supervised and did all the cleaning up afterwards, I would be in agreement.

It sounds like you and your husband need to learn some communication skills. This isn't criticism; my husband and I have spent a lot of time with counselors to learn how to talk effectively.

It's hard to take the emotion out of the conversation and once it's there, everybody involved gets defensive and makes understanding and compromise impossible. And then issues build up and it gets in the way of love.

If you learn the tricks of the trade, you can both share your perspectives and just the understanding often make the solution obvious. And in the process, you create a stronger, more loving partnership.

In the end, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.

When he "supervises" the kids can you go out and do something fun for yourself?