Is my friend a friend? or just a working partner? feeling confused

So this friend, I will use a made up name for them, for the sake of their privacy.
We will name them Kate.

Okay so Kate and I knew each other way back at high school, though we fall apart because I moved school.

We reconnected through Facebook and messager, and our friendship started at a time when one of her parent's was slowly dying sadly.

The friendship seem at the time for me was genuine. We started a art class online for kids once a week and we take turns once a week to teach.
However after a while...I notice I was doing everything, for example posting socail media content from videos to reminder posts for my art class and Kate's as well. I was creating the event pages too.
After a while I assume Kate felt guilty and told me she will do her own event page for the art class. Though...after time...week by week it slowly went from posting it at the begining of the week to 3 days or 2 days before the art class. I would find myself reminding her which is frustrating on my end.

I know she has a full time job and it's full on, but she goes on dates with guys during her work week. So I see it as she has the time to make a event page. It doesn't take much effort.

Then one day Kate told me "You can teach the kids the fundamentals of drawing and I will teach them the dirty tricks"
Because I'm a people pleaser....I was like oh yep. But deep down I'm angry about this. It goes against my vaules, and every child should learn the fundamentals if they don't they run into trouble and have to re teach themselves as they get older. Happened to me.

Anyway, I was contacted by this community centre to do a art class for the kids in person..They asked me directly not through our art class. I thought to involved my friend Kate since I felt a bit scared to do it all by myself and I have socail anxiety.

My friend wanted to do it for free. However I wanted us to get paid, because it's the cost of driving,petrol and time put into a class.
The person who contacted me to do the class we will name them Rory, insisted to pay us $40. I told Kate this and she said ask them if it's $40 each? so I did and Rory replied in email "you can spilt that up between you and your friend".
My friend Kate was annoyed and told me I should've negotiate better.
I felt ashamed and it kept going through my mind over and over.
I told my partner and he said but Kate wanted it for Free and I somehow forgot that and realised Im confused were Kate stands on this.. I told my brother and he said well you said for free because Kate told you to and Rory insisted $40 so there wouldn't be negotiating.

I pretty much orgainsed the whole event but I kept letting Kate make choices like what date to do it at. Instead of me chosing.

Kate told me she will email me flyers to print for the class but didn't, I had to remind her.

I asked her to do the invoice payment because at least she can do one thing. Well...she forgot and I had to remind her.

We did have a phone call the night before the art class because I was really anxious to do the class. So Kate suggested she will do the intro a f the health and safety and the warm class. Which I did appreciate that.

Doing the live class in person went well.
Though I taught the kids and she stand on the side to help the kids here and there where as my partner helped out a lot more.

I eventually built the courage to message them saying this and they haven't bother to read my message after 4 days!
I said this quote "I was thinking because we might have new kids in the class, it would be good to keep on the fundamental drawing steps, because then we are consistent in our teaching of the fundamentals, help them to reinforce good habits and in the long run their art will improve. I recalled going back to the basic with my art teacher and I started to improve heaps again."

Besides the art class.
Kate has seem to become distance, she has gone to therapy and now she has suddenly stop talking to me about her work problems or family life. I did suggest her to go to therapy because she was waking up anxious every morning to go to work.
But now, it's like we don't talk unless it's the art class.
I feel a bit sad by this and I do feel a bit used like I was therapist at the time before she went to therapy and now she doesn't talk to me.

She doesn't reply to my messages. It's like a couple days in-between. But she is online.

If it's something important to say related to art class then she would reply.
She told me once how she forgets to reply to people. It's not personal.

I said "yeah I notice that, you seem to reply in the evenings." After I said that, she suddenly stopped replying to me in the evenings.

I don't really know what to do. I spoke to a friend and they said this that friends should invite you to spend time with you. So now after she has said that, it's now clicking over my head.

Thoughts?

Kate doesn't seem like much of a friend.

The way I’m reading this it sounds like Kate has you doing all the organising/work?

What do you feel you gain from this relationship?

Thoughts? It is very personal. She is not much of a friend to you.

I would also stop involving her in any projects going forward. She has her priorities and she makes it abundantly clear, through her actions, that you are not one of them.

That's a good question.

Well I don't have a lot of friends. So at the time I thought she was a friend. But then after I spoke to my support worker, I realised it wasn't the case.
And so my mind is now spinning in a way connecting everything up in the last 6 months.

So far they haven't bothered to message me this whole week, and today they are doing the online class, I will ask what's going on..
But...I think they may be emotional intelligence low maybe.
I just think this because they are like 32 and the longest realtionship they have ever been is 5 months. They see yeps of guys from online, and seem to be very fussy. I guess to the point it's not helping then and how they are always suss with guys. Kate told me how she goes out with a guy for couple of months and then starts complaining to them to other friends, eventually breaks off with them. And how freeing it was.

So I think to myself if they are like that with realtionships like that, what are they like with friendships.
They seem to have a lot of friends though.

Do you think it might be time to work on meeting new friends? Maybe you can find a more reciprocal friendship with others whose values match your own?

yeah that's what my partner said. I find it hard to make new friends she to my socail anxiety and really bad experience with toxic friends in the past.

I just feel trap in the situation because of the art class, so I'm finding it hard to pull away from her. We do it once a week, on a weekly bases, online zoom class.
Don't know how to approach it.

oh and Kate did message me yesturday! before class started. saying " morning! let's talk after class - I've got a packed weekend so I can't meet in person, sorry"

I did wonder now I'm not sure, but is there a feature where you can view people messages, without clicking it on. So it doesn't appear "view" I'm asking this because I mention to do fundamentals to teach the kids, and when I watched she seemed to do that. And we'll...you can't look at a message 5 mins before class starts and suddenly figure out how to draw fundamentals. It takes time. And she told me it takes like an hour for her to figure it out before the class starts.
So I am wondering if there is a feature or apps that do that.
I know it sounds a bit paraiond but I don't like being treated that way.

I did spoke to Kate yesturday before our art class started, I asked if everything is okay? she said yes, and seemed happy.
I asked are you sure? and she said yep.
So we are okay? because I notice I message you but you didn't got back to me. She said oh yes, I was telling myself to reply back to you.
I then asked "so if anything happened between us, you will tell me"? and she said "oh yes, you would know".
After the class we had a chat through zoom about art class, I asked how her week was and she said she been on dates with guys.
I thought to myself! I knew it! she is having a grand old time and me was worried about her and I have constantly try to remind her to do things!!! for the art class.
It kinda pisst me off. Of course I didn't reacted that way when she told me. I guess I message a passive aggressive comment and said "Oh so that's how it is"

Can I ask what signs you saw that didn't sound like much of friend.

I'm asking so I can pick up in this earlier than like 6 months down track.

She sounds like an acquittance with whom you also run a business (not sure why). Not everyone you associate with are actually friends. Although some people refer to everyone they know as friends. So maybe it’s semantics

First of all I’d not mix friendship and business. Don’t do business with friends.

Second of all if you two don’t see each other and don’t regularly communicate, then it’s not really friendship. It doesn’t mean you can’t keep in touch, just don’t need to call it friendship

If she doesn’t pull her weight with these classes, then she shouldn’t have an equal pay

Just because she says she dumps all these guys, it doesn’t mean that what really happens. Some people who claim to be single by choice are single because they can’t find the right person (and yes it’s hard). If and when they meet the right person, their “single by choice” status will be gone. So take what she says with a grain of salt.

Just because she has time for full time job and dating, it doesn’t mean she has time or desire to make web pages for classes. Having said that, if she has no time for that she should not run a class and you shouldn’t do business with her

This isn’t the first time I read a post about people rekindling old childhood friendships via Facebook. As usual it turns into either unnecessary drama or isn’t sustainable. People grow up and build new lives and trying to pick up where you left off years ago rarely works. Not a high school anymore. I’d start making new friends instead.

Kate is more than over a friend!!

A friend is there for you. Friends often initiate contact. How often did Kate do these things?

Friends don't consistently "forget" to respond. Friends don't make you feel used. Friends carry their weight on joint projects.

I find if people don't respond to me, it is because they don't care about me as much as I care about them. Kate's priorities seem to be her full-time job and dating (not you or the art class).

Friends will make time for you, not push you to the bottom of the pile of their priorities.

What do you mean by how often did Kate do these things?

Well she start stop messaging me after we had that LIVE class.

sorry I don't understand your sentence. Could you rephrased it.

Well yeah it seems that way.
From my observation because I provided that emotional support and now she has a therapist, she kinda gone off with contacting.
Like messages me now and then but kinda just stop pretty much.
I feel she used me as a therapist.

I don't know if she does this to other friends.
Or she is emotionally not that intelligent

I have told her I'm taking 3 weeks off from art class to do a course I'm doing.
But I will need to tell her I can't keep doing this, just looking at the art Facebook page makes my forehead feel intense. It's not fun doing all the work yourself.

I mean, how often has Kate been there for you? How often does she initiate contact?

If you need to stop doing it because it's too much work, I totally support that.

Well not that often.
I don't really tell her my problems because I'm afarid I would push her away, from my pervious experience with friends.

She was supportive when I asked can we have a chat about the live class in person the night before.
But that's about it, I have told her some of my issues and she listen and gave advice, but its not like I would call her if I had a break down or something.

Not much, it's only initate contact if it's art class. Or she would reply to my messages say 3 days later or something.

yeah? you do t think I'm being unreasonable?

I worry if I do that, then I won't hear from her.

If you don’t hear from her then she really isn’t much of a friend.

I know it’s difficult when you have social phobia to meet new people and make friendships but there is a forum here for social anxiety where people support each other.

I think you deserve better quality friendships than the one you describe here.

Thank you I really appreciate your kind words and advice it's been helpful.

I didn't know there was a form of social anxiety here I will check it out.

I told my therapist this about this friend and they told me that there is different types of friendships like it's not always 50/50. Like you can get friends from 80/30 like one friend supports the other friend more than other does and how it goes back and forth.
She told me it's not black and white.

Though... to be honsent I do have my doubts with what my therapist said. Since I don't hear from my friend at all so far this week.
And the rhythm of how we message each other has slow down dramatically, especailly when we did the LIVE art class.
So...I'm abit meh... to my therapist. Not sure.

Yes that’s true about the split in friendships, not all friendships are the same. But I think if a friendship isn’t fulfilling you, then it’s maybe time to rethink. You don’t have to cut Kate out of your life, just maybe spend less time and energy on her and spend more time working on yourself, possibly meeting new people.

You’re definitely not alone with social phobia, have a look in the anxiety forums down the forum list.

Well I built the courage to send my friend a message to say I'm not doing the art class anymore.
I message them this
"Hi Kate
How are you? I haven't heard from you for a while, so I hope everything is going well in your neck of your woods.
I've been thinking about Art class and what I want to focus on with teaching, I've noticed there seems to be a high demand for art classes for the fine arts like how to draw faces or the human body.
I got this feedback from Jade who works at the Highbury House and what the parents were telling her, what they were looking for. As well that one girl in the art class we did, how the mother asked if we do anything else. I also thought it was important since there is lost fundamental knowledge here .as I've discussed this with my Jim and David, my current mentor. So I feel strongly and passionate to help the kids with the fundamentals, as it can be hard to seek resources and teach yourself.
I would prefer to focus on teaching the fundamentals for a small group of kids so they can get the attention they need. I don't want to over-commit myself to too many classes and would like to step away from the free art amici classes, so I can focus solidly on the fundamental art class.
It will take a lot of time of research and finding what will be easy for the kids to digest from looking through adult fundamental books, as well as creating modules and doing it kinda like a course so they can take in the information about what they need to learn.
I do value our friendship and what we've done with art amici and I appreciate your help and your kindness you've shared with me, it means a lot.I would like to continue to spend time with you going forward. I know recently the time we've spent together has been around Art Class and I don't want to lose you as a friend, or not see you anymore. Can we still orgainse to me up, for example once a month kinda thing."

They reply back with this
"Awww babe

This reads like you spent ages thinking about how to explain your decision - you don't need to!
Of course we're friends beyond art class you goose.
Yes, if this is what you want to do, then do it
I'll take over art class and see how long i want to keep it going, cos it's not a forever thing for me, either.
And flip yes we must meet up once a month for a gossip etc"

I replied back and felt a bit defences when they said to me "you spent ages thinking about how to explain your decision"
Which wasn't really the case it was more to do with me being very clear because of my past challenges with friends.

I replied back and said
oh, I was trying to find the words to express and explain myself. ☺️
I didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything like that, that all.

You okay to do it alone with the art class?
I don't know if your upset or bothered me pulling out?
I just want to make sure you are okay.

Yes excatly drinks.
oh must ask why was that dude a dud?
was he creepy?

My friend responded and said

"Nah I'm not upset. Like I said, this isn't forever for me, too. But I'd like to keep going for a bit, so I will.
No, just a raging disappointment. He cancelled a date TWICE last Sunday, both times only letting me know half an hour beforehand. Then promised to make it up to me but ignored me for a week. Basically slow fading me.
So he is no more."

I did replied back and felt sorry for her because it seems she has a hard with dates. Then again the longest date she has been with is just 5 months. She said she gets annoyed by them what they do, and starts complaining about them to there friends and then breaks up with them. I did wonder if my friend has detachment style. And how maybe this is manifesting even in friendships.
We were close for 6 months and then KA Bam!
she pulled away.
I do recalled her telling me if she doesn't like someone she stops talking to them all together.

So my last reply to her was this and she never replied back after 7 days now. She appears online on messager but never replies back.

"aw your so understanding Kate ❤️
Okay then. Well I'm always here for you if you need help in it.

oh wow! what a jerk! that is so rude!! you wouldve been ready and make up and probably already close to the location and he does that.
What a loser.

Gurl! I think it's just my opinion. Need to see some men in a group of your interest. So you don't get these jerks.
Meaning say if you join for example I use to do fencing as a sport and you could meet men that way. Or at the gym.
There is this thing called Meet Up and it's all of any ones interests maybe you could meet someone there.
I just feel sorry for you, because you are so kind, and deserve a nice man."

And we'll no reply after that.
We use to talk alot and then after the in person live art class it suddenly change. It wasn't even a slow change.

I have even wonder if my friend is covert narcissist. Just because they lay on me at the get go their problems and now they have pretty much ghost me.

I did check the Facebook art page and they deleted a post saying they would do art class on 27th of August.

I'm not sure what is going on. I did told them that I had to do a art course for 3 weeks and won't be able to do art class. Which is true. But when I told them on the second week they seem to change there tune with me..Or even before that.