[black-roses]

Sometimes I think to myself I want a boyfriend I want to do fun things with them and then I think about my life and sometimes don't think that such a great wonderful relationship will ever happen. It's such a silly thing for me to obsess about like last year you know how I liked my maths teacher will I asked him out this year in February and I got no reply. I feel like silly because I still think about him and miss him. I'm like I have a fear of missing out on a great thing and then I talk to my sister about wanting a relationship she says relationships suck and you only want it because of the need to reproduce but mostly I just want to have fun with someone. Whenever I have this conversation she asks me will why aren't you friends with B well B makes me feel depressed with how often they complain and how negative they are. That I'm actually happy that I'm not friends with them anymore to be honest I feel like I'm better off being alone with no friends then someone that makes me sad. However there's still that part of me that feels sorrow for watching my friends have boyfriends and I get squat. I'm in a pessimistic view right now feeling that everything I want love, friendship and a job are all things far away from me and impossible to happen. I wish I didn't care I wish I could go back to being happy being single where does this desire to have someone and one day have a family come from. Is it desperation, the fear of missing out or being scared of loneliness. Do I just want someone coz I find life boring and sad? It feels sometimes like I'll never be loved I know love comes from the inside too but is it wrong for me to want someone who cares about me. I don't want this to be a cold world. I don't want to be single forever and I fear I will always be.

[Yaowen]

I hope you will find someone who is good to you!

[Have Hope]

To play devil's advocate here, I think we always want what we don't have, and we live in a mindset of the grass must be greener elsewhere.

I am married and it's not all roses. In fact, I am on the verge of considering a divorce for the second time in this marriage.

I understand the loneliness factor - I do. I know it's hard and sorrowful to feel loneliness, and it can be painful. But the grass isn't always greener. Relationships are HARD and they take WORK - especially a marriage. And in my opinion, it takes a very special person to join your life with. If it's not the right person, it can be a nightmare or more difficult than it has to be.

I am not sure what I am saying really. I guess I am trying to say enjoy yourself while you are single. There's a lot of advantages to being single. Maybe if you filled your time more up with all the things you enjoy, it would be less painful for you. I am kind of yearning for that right now myself.

Hugs to you.

[divine1966]

Wanting a companion and a family is a very normal healthy desire. The danger starts when we want it so bad we become desperate. Then we make bad choices. I don’t think it’s wise to ask your teachers out

[black-roses]

Well at the time I asked him out he was no longer working as a teacher there.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by black-roses

Well at the time I asked him out he was no longer working as a teacher there.

Doesn’t matter. He was your teacher. If he has any kind of common sense, he’d not date his former students.

[black-roses]

I don't see the issue everybody was a former something.

[black-roses]

But it doesn't matter anyway because nothing came of it anyway.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I don't see the issue everybody was a former something.

I am not saying it’s an issue. But typically most teachers wouldn’t date former students, so that is why he did not respond. I am just saying it’s pointless asking your former teachers on dates

I’d try to see if you can meet people maybe in your gym, recreation center, class, local club, church etc

[black-roses]

I just want to now be happy being alone and not give a **** about relationships. I think my sister is right maybe I'm not missing much and there not worth it.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am not saying it’s an issue. But typically most teachers wouldn’t date former students, so that is why he did not respond. I am just saying it’s pointless asking your former teachers on dates

I’d try to see if you can meet people maybe in your gym, recreation center, class, local club, church etc

Yeah I know but it doesn't matter now. I've given up on love anyway it's not worth the sadness. Also when he did not reply my mum was like well what did you expect? So yeah it doesn't matter and I don't care I'm just stupid anyway. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not in relationship not like it be a good thing for anyone.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am not saying it’s an issue. But typically most teachers wouldn’t date former students, so that is why he did not respond. I am just saying it’s pointless asking your former teachers on dates

I’d try to see if you can meet people maybe in your gym, recreation center, class, local club, church etc

Also I figured that was why he didn't reply. Anyway I don't want to meet anyone I don't feel like I could find friends here. I'm focusing on getting money to leave this country so I can be with my family and the people that care about me.

[EagleTears]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I just want to now be happy being alone and not give a **** about relationships. I think my sister is right maybe I'm not missing much and there not worth it.

I really do think you need stop getting advice from your sister... she doesn't seem to useful in terms of getting to the bottom of why you maybe struggling to get into a relationship. The moment anyone tells me that the reason why I want a boyfriend is to reproduce is the moment I stop listening to them. you should stop listening to the nonsense that your sister is giving you.

Your sister should be helping you, not give you bad advice. Sorry that's how I'm feeling.

[black-roses]

Well I mean that's not the only advice she gives me that seems a bit well bad at least. She said I shouldn't work as a nurse because of my lack of concentration but when I suggest I could work as a journalist or a writer she's like you need concentration for that. So basically in the end I'm left with no options. I mean it's not just her that tells me what jobs I can and can't do but anyway it's taught me that not everyone supports you and you should support yourself and also just because someone is your family doesn't mean you have to care what they think. I sure as hell don't care what strangers think they say I'm desperate I be like I get more than you but your sister saying that you can't do a job well that sucks.

[Have Hope]

I agree that you should not listen to your sister - the only reason you want a boyfriend is to procreate she said? And you can't be a nurse or a writer or journalist? She sounds very negative and narrow minded! Listen to those who encourage you and who want to see you do well in life. Your sister - I don't know what else to say, but I wouldn't listen to her advice at all.

[unaluna]

Is there the job of CNA where you are? Certified Nursing Assistant. That would be easier than becoming a nurse, i would think.

Also there are apps that could help with you build your attention span, like Pomodoro. You can practice at home.

[MaverickLovesYou]

Originally Posted by black-roses

However there's still that part of me that feels sorrow for watching my friends have boyfriends and I get squat.

I can relate (but a girlfriend for me). I was wondering the same thing. Why do I want love from a "girlfriend"? I'm very affectionate but maybe I just want sex?

[EagleTears]

Originally Posted by black-roses

Well I mean that's not the only advice she gives me that seems a bit well bad at least. She said I shouldn't work as a nurse because of my lack of concentration but when I suggest I could work as a journalist or a writer she's like you need concentration for that. So basically in the end I'm left with no options. I mean it's not just her that tells me what jobs I can and can't do but anyway it's taught me that not everyone supports you and you should support yourself and also just because someone is your family doesn't mean you have to care what they think. I sure as hell don't care what strangers think they say I'm desperate I be like I get more than you but your sister saying that you can't do a job well that sucks.

your sister sounds so negative.. I would just start ignoring her.


I'm in the same boat as you are right now. I'm very lonely.. And I would love to have a boyfriend that reciprocate right back to me.. I'm not in it for the "reproducing ritual" although my clocks are ticking, and I'm not getting any younger. I would love to have a kid, but I refuse to have one without a relationship stability between mother and father. I desire companionship.. someone to talk to and to hangout with. I desire a family atmosphere... unfortunately I do not get a long with my father side nor my mother side of the family so I pretty much don't have a family structure going on. I lack the support system that I need so I pretty much have to self support myself... which is pretty difficult non the less.


Most important reason why I want a boyfriend is that I desire love and affection... doesn't have to be sex, although I guess sex is also part of showing love to your partner.