[frommars]

this is kind of a weird post

since my last relationship 3 years ago, i have been unable to connect. even in that relationship i couldn't really connect. but its getting worse. for context im a 24 year old girl

im so afraid of people. i am bisexual but cannot form any kind of relationship with a man because my mistrust is so deep. my previous long term relationships have been with women. i have a sort of off and on relationship with a man online but we only text, and i think ive allowed myself to be vulnerable with him because he doesn't seem fully real since he 'lives in my phone'. text on a screen.

i constantly fantasize about having a partner that is basically a mother figure and i know how weird that sounds but its not even a sexual thing. i just think constantly about this fantasy life where i am with a woman who takes care of me, protects me, and loves me and is invested in me. it is a nice fantasy but then here i am back in the real world, super lonely and afraid all the time, living on my own and trying to make ends meet.

i live in new york city and the feeling of detachment can be so strong here. i need to be with someone but everyone just wants sex and all i can think about is wanting to be loved and protected.

i dont know what to do

[Yaowen]

I can DEFINITELY empathize with you given my own history and present situation. My fantasy parallels yours too.

Sadly I have not found a solution so I cannot offer any helpful ideas. Hopefully others here will have helpful words for both of us. I am just taking things day by day.

It must be difficult living in New York City. Since I live in a more rural area that creates different kinds of challenges. My heart goes out to you and I hope things improve for you.

[Britedark]

I can only offer my love and understanding. I am 41 and all my life I have fantasised about a loving, intellectual companionship. It is not something unheard of, but unfortunately all I ever get are men who are looking for an easy lay, or toxic men in search of victims. It sure gets lonely. Have you considered pouring your fantasy into fiction? Write a story/movie script/poem?