Request for Help In Leaving a Toxic Relationahip

Hello everyone. I have been struggling for some time with leaving what I feel is a toxic relationship. During our first years we obviously had our honeymoon phase but I eventually saw the cracks. From past experiences she experienced with abuse and her ongoing abuse of alcohol.

For the last three years I have planned my leave, but have never been able to pull the trigger.

I feel like I am more of a cash cow to her rather than her boyfriend/so. She has been out of full time work for over four years now and refuses to pursue a part time job. She always claims that she needs to be there for her daughters. At the time of our meeting they were young but now one is a junior in high school and the other a college freshman.

I just no longer feel attracted to her. She complains about every aspect of her life, ranging from family to all of the bad breaks she has received in life. She still receives money for child support which was cut in half this past summer. I have paid for major expenditures and it is something she just expects. I also pay the typical utility bills.

I have spoken to therapists about leaving and they have all given me great advice. But I no longer want to be there but fear that she will fall into a spiral that she will not come out of. I know that I can not take the relationship any longer and do not feel that I am finically obligated to care for her. She is perfectly capable to work and still have time to be there for her children.

I tried to leave several months ago as I told her that I was unhappy and asked if she was unhappy which she responded yes. She then broke down and became manipulative stating that I had all the power as I was the one that was leaving her. I asked what was powerful about ending a relationship.

Her tears kept me there but I long to be by myself as I feel more comfortable being on my own and in control of my life.

Any suggestions on leaving peacefully and amicably? I feel the only way out to avoid more manipulation or even an extreme anger outburst is to pack up and leave when she is not around but I want that to be a last resort only.

She is not rational when it comes to things like this.