[Jasmin74]

Hi

I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years now. And he’s a narcissist. Taken me years to figure that out. We’ve come to a stage
Now it’s contact bickering but he won’t let me leave.

Any advice will be helpful

[Have Hope]

I'm so sorry... I had a narcissist ex husband so I can relate to that experience. How is it that he won't let you leave?

[Crazy Hitch]

You sound like you need a lot of support. Welcome and I’m glad you’ve found the forums 😊

Do you have family that can help?

[Rive.]

He doesn't get to decide when you leave or not, you do.

[Jasmin74]

I’ve deleted and blocked his number.
He’ll stay quiet for a while but then he’ll start calling me on private numbers. And eventually I end up giving in. But recently I just feel like I’ve had enough.

[Have Hope]

What helped me the most was to educate myself on narcissism. The more I learned about the specific behaviors, traits, and patterns of a narcissist, the more I was able to detach emotionally and not let the behaviors draw me in every time. He has been love bombing you to get you to stay, ie, hot pursuit. Getting other numbers to get a hold of you is stalking and harassing you.

My advice is to keep him blocked, and do not go back to him this time. Education can help you to break your own unhealthy pattern of returning and giving into him.

[Jasmin74]

Thankyou. That’s what I’m trying do. It’s been a difficult journey and very tiring.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Jasmin74

Thankyou. That’s what I’m trying do. It’s been a difficult journey and very tiring.

I understand. I’ve been through that myself. Trust me, once you’re free, you will feel a LOT better. You will feel less burdened and stressed.

[Have Hope]

To add to my post above, when you're so drained and run down due to a relationship, it's good or helpful to take extra care of yourself... like, pampering yourself, making yourself feel good in ways that bring comfort, peace, calm and serenity... be good to yourself through the process. I beat myself up for a long time for marrying a narcissist and for ignoring the red flags I had seen in the beginning. It didn't help to beat myself up, and caring more for myself and having compassion for myself helped me to feel better far more.

[eskielover]

My situation wasn't with a narcissist but someone with thinking that was not normal & he didn't want a divorce because it would make him "LOOK" like a failure. I finally had a path out & moved 2100 miles away. Found out years (11) later that he expected I would be back in 2 years & I never came back & got my divorce in the state I live in & he never responded to my lawyer.

You are right, you will take action when YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH. No one else can make that point happen. Seriously, the peace & better state of mind that comes from getting out you never understand till you are there. I never looked back or thought of him except when legal issues arise but it is never in a positive light.

When you are ready you will take the action you need & not cave when a situation arises

[RDMercer]

What helped me was validation and education from members on this forum.

Then I reached out to a distant family member who worked in mental health counseling.

She encouraged me to trust the evidence and to act on the evidence until such a time that I could trust my emotions more.

I trusted her at a time that I didn't trust myself.

One thing she said to me was, "Have you voiced these things to her before? Has she listened or changed? Will it help to say them one more time?"

My father said, "You can't beg someone to stay and assign conditions. You put conditions if they beg to stay."

Those pieces of advice helped me to shut up.

The next thing is, ANYTHING you say can potentially be used against you in court for the separation/divorce.

At some point you have to stop trying, and you have to let your lawyer speak.

I wish you the very best as you heal.

RDMercer