Divorce advice

Dear Friends,

My wife and I will be getting divorced after 17 years of marriage. My wife’s desire to have a food truck have taken over her mind, so much so that she is willing to separate.

We have a middle school aged child and my wife does not consider her in her decision making.
We’ve had issues off and on for the whole relationship. But the past two years have been very challenging. My wife has used our home as a commercial prep kitchen. And caused considerable damage to our kitchen.
She’s left the gas stove on twice when nobody was home except for my young child.
She’s spent so much money on the business and then tried to tell me that the spending was for our own groceries.
The final straw was last week, she wanted me to go and get a home equity loan so she could purchase a food truck. Approximately $100k
I decided at the time to go and do the application with her. A joint one.
A couple days later I ran errands and picked my kid up from school, when I arrived home she hadn’t done anything, was just laying on the bed. I said I’m going to take the dog out do you think you could make our kid something to eat.

I took the dog out and came home and she was in the kitchen, seemingly annoyed that she had to make food.
Later than night she told me she wanted a divorce.

We were supposed to go and finalize the loan the next day but I decided that it would be a bad idea for me to co-sign a loan if we are divorcing.

I asked her to reschedule the appointment so we could discuss a plan. My plan was to obtain a legal document stating that when the house sells she would be responsible for the Home equity loan.

She was furious and called her parents, they apparently told her that she should divorce me and that they would fund her food truck..

She also said that she’s moving out in June.

It’s been a tough year, having lost my father unexpectedly in February, during which time my wife has shown little to no empathy whatsoever.

I’m pretty down right now but I won’t give up.

Oh no @Toyotaman that sounds heart rending to have a relationship and family that you put so much time into come apart at the seams. Divorce is always hard for kids but especially teens. Hope things can be settled equitably.

Thank goodness you did not cosign that loan. How are you doing emotionally with all this shake up?

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please tag me by including @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

Lawyer lawyer, lawyer! That’s my advice. They can be objective and look out for the interest of you and your kids.

Given what you described about your wife's behavior over her business, it seems divorce is truly for the best. You will be OK in the end. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will hurt. But then the difficulty will ease up and the hurt will dissipate. Then you will feel better and you can live your life on your terms and be happy. My only advice is to communicate a LOT to your daughter through the process and give her as much love and attention as you can - hold her hand, hug her, tell her how much you both love her and that none of it is her fault. It's between you and your wife only, and has nothing to do with her. That's my two cents. Don't worry. It's going to be OK.

Dear @Toyotaman, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I do agree with Have Hope that, based only on what you wrote above, it does sound like divorce may be for the best. I went through a divorce myself around ten years ago, though we did not have a kid and much less financial entanglement than you. I am proof that you can get through it and come out the other end grateful for having faced and borne the pain.

I am sorry. It’s not easy but you got to protect yourself from the downfall. She didn’t seem to interested in a child’s life either. Makes me wonder if she was building up her business so she could leave

Talk to your lawyer ASAP. I recall you said she was putting money from her business ( while running your kitchen and house) into a secret account you had no access to. If she is contemplating divorce, she likely to hide that money now. Inform your lawyer about all this. If you’ll be taking care if a kid and a house alone , you’ll need that money.

She’s moving in June? Where? After she trashed the house, she’s leaving? Is she taking child with her? Is she just leaving your child behind because she wants to run a food truck after she already ruined your house running a commercial kitchen in it? Wow. I am so sorry.