Jealousy

How do I stop being so paranoid and jealous? I'm freaking out on my boyfriend, who hates the jealousy. If he's not with me I think he's with some other woman. I love him dearly and don't want to lose him because of my jealousy. i'm trying my hardest not to be jealous but nothing seems to be helping. I don't want to be his ball and chain...I want to break that cycle.

Please help.

This is so familar to me, too long of a story, but talking with a therapist can help you through this, give it a try.
Jealousy not nipped can ruin your life, and with therapy and in my case meds too, I have overcome this monster. Lots of luck with this, I have faith with help you too will get through this

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

jealousy is a horrible thing, and i think many people have felt it at least once in their lives. it's normal to feel that way with someone you love, simply because you want to be their number one, soul mate, which ever you prefer. i've always had a problem with jealousy, but there are a few ways you can take that emotional ball of energy and transform it into something better, and safer.

take something you love to do; sports, art, anything. for instance, if you like playing an instrument, play it for a while. same with art, draw or write; sports - go out and run for a while, or play some basketball outside. anything you love to do, or like to do, just do it. take your mind off of your jealousy. even if you find yourself frustrated for the first few minutes, it's normal; just concentrate on something else.

if it becomes even worse, such as constantly calling him or even to the point that you drive to his house to make sure that there is no other girl, i suggest going to therapy. there you will probably get a second opinion and advice as to how to deal with it.

hope things get better

"If we deny love that is given to us,
if we refuse to give love because we fear the pain of loss,
then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."

Here's what's running through my mind: Is the partner in some way baiting or encouraging the jealousy? Giving off signals and clues that the jealous person really does have something to worry about?

Here's why I ask. The only time I was really jealous was when I was married. My husband told me I was crazy, etc. However, from the perspective of several decades, I see that he has a dysfunctional behavior pattern, not just with me -- but with all his wives and live-ins, many in number. In fact, over 30 years, this guy hasn't had a relationship that lasted longer than 5 years.

The dysfunctional behavior is that he always has more than one woman in his life and the other woman/women is "just a friend" who "needs" him or with whom he is just spending time with bec. they share the same interests or for business or whatever. This other woman or women take up a pretty big chunk of his time.

In short, he always keeps another woman right in his current love interest's face. I suspect he learned this behavior of playing one woman against another bec. he was raised by his mother and grandmother, with no male in the house.

I hung around a lot with my ex-hub and his next wife. Wife #3's mother got mad at me, and told me to butt out of their marriage. I was young, couldn't see what she was talking about. I'd always had to put up with the "other woman" in our marriage, the "just friend" woman; this was just the way hub was I'd decided. Now, in middle age, I see exactly what that wife's mother meant, and how X keeps several women around him, proving to himself how desirable he is, ramping up each woman's interest, then telling love-interest she's "crazy" to be jealous. Manipulative.

Do you have any friends who know your relationship and your BF well? Perhaps you could do a reality check with them. If they see your BF as manipulative, they will be reluctant to admit it. Friends want to stay friends and often don't want to give honest opinions until the relationship bites the dust.