[Rhapsody]

I am really having a hard time with a decision I made and I thought I would come here and get some wll needed advice / guidance.

As some on here know I have been helping out my niece who is a single mother of three for the last two years (kids ages: 6, 3, 2) - and while I watched her kids for free the first year I did requested some pay this last year to help cover my own expenses ($300 a month) - but now the time has come that I had to tell her that I would NOT be able to watch the kids starting next year as my health problems do not always allow me to be able to go go go for ten hours a day while I have the kids and I am looking into getting a part time job as my husband and I are thinking about moving and getting a new car, therefore, our finances need to be raised beyond that of what my niece can pay per month.....

Now this is where I am having a hard time with the decision I made "of not watching the kids any more" after this school year ends...... as: Mom could barley afford to pay me the little amount I got for watching three kids four days a week at ten hours a day (and) IF she cannot afford another babysitter or day care after I quit then she is looking into having their dead beat dad watch them as he is out of work (once again) and she has no one else that can help her like I did...... I hate the thought of their dad being apart of their every day life (so does mom) as he is far from what you would want of the person that is supposed to be guiding you child while the parent is at work.

What am I to do..................... I feel so (lost, guilty, numb, and rotten) - Life is Hard.

[bebop]

hon your family comes first. by your family I mean you your hubby and your kids. others need to understand that. you do what is best for you!

[Rhapsody]

Yeah - I know that its true (my family first) - it is just so hard since there are precious kids involved and they are like my own kids as I have raised them since they were young - one since she was born.

I hate it when life throws these kinds of situations at you.

You could unwittingly be propping her up, she may well of left him by now and her and her children be better off without him but for your help ......

Concentrate on you there are times in our lives when we have to be selfish and it actualy pays off for everyone concerned.

[sabby]

I don't know where you live Rhap but many communities have daycares that offer their services by income - they are re-imbursed by state monies to make up the difference. A call to your local human services department may be able to guide your neice in the right direction.

You are right to take care of your family first though. I know it's hard to justify when you see the problems that can arrise for your neice and her kids, but they are life's difficulties that have to be dealt with......you did not put them in their position hon. You have been more than generous with your neice and now it's time she starts depending on her own abilities to take care of her children the best way she can. You can be there for her emotionally for support......but you and your family do come first!

Things will work out hon....they always do. We always get what we need........maybe not what we want...but what we need.

Wishing you strength and hope.


sabby

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Rhapsody ))))))))))))))

[wisewoman]

Rhapsody, They are precious kids but you need to care for you. Most states have daycare funds for low income people. Have her check it out or you check it out and get the application for her. Good luck.

[Perna]

She has to make that decision. If she doesn't think/know it's a bad idea to leave the kids with her husband, not a whole lot you can do for her. You've helped her for a couple years now and you need to move on yourself and get your own affairs in order.

[Rhapsody]

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Tishie said:
You could unwittingly be propping her up, she may well of left him by now and her and her children be better off without him but for your help ......

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Oh NO - she left him two years ago - they are no longer together and he has a new gf - she is just thinking about having him watch the kids since he is not working and she cannot afford daycare for three kids.

Sorry for the confusion.

[Rhapsody]

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_sabby_ said:
I don't know where you live Rhap but many communities have daycares that offer their services by income - they are re-imbursed by state monies to make up the difference. A call to your local human services department may be able to guide your neice in the right direction.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yeah we have already done that - and her income in just $150 above what the limit is for a family of four -

[Rhapsody]

My Thought from Today......

While I know that I must take care of my own family first - it is still so hard for I do not feel as though my niece has any where or any one else to turn to...... for her income is over what the government with allow for a family of four to receive help, their dad is a dead beat, every on else she knows works and she does not have a lot of money to pay someone else to watch the kids for a few more years until they are all in school.

I just do not know what to think - for my niece is talking about possibly quitting her job of seven years if that means this is the only way she can get help - she will be able to get government then. *big sigh*
.... what is a single mother to do when she needs to work, but cannot for she has kids?

Just needing a little help to get thru this all. Thx.

[Junerain]

Can she get a job at a daycare center and get the discount on daycare?

[Rhapsody]

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Junerain said:
Can she get a job at a daycare center and get the discount on daycare?

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She is not qualified to obtain a job as a daycare worker - as you need to have a degree in child care to work as one here in Florida.

[Doh2007]

I can see why this decision was so hard.

[Rhapsody]

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Doh2007 said:
I can see why this decision was so hard.

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Thanks...... it is still hard as I am trying to stand by my decision and yet my heart strings are being pulled.

[KathyM]

I can imagine they would be.

Three kids are a HANDFUL, especially at those ages. If you have health issues, you wouldn't be doing her any favors by pushing yourself past your own limits. You'd be no good to her dead - or hospitalized

I only had one child, but I had no support from anyone. My parents were very much in his life, but they were getting older and needed a little help themselves.

I was fortunate to have a job that could support both me and my son. I was able to pay for daycare while I worked. My parents got the occasional overnight/weekend day - just enough to "play" with him, then hand him over when they got tired. I spent a lot of time there anyway caring for them, so they had plenty of time with him.

It's a shame that deadbeat dad can't get off his tush and learn how to be a dad. If he can use his tool to make them, he can find some tools to care for them. But, hey, I know how it is. I couldn't force my son's dad to be a dad back then either. He stepped up to the plate later in life, when my son needed him most, so it worked out okay.

What I find ironic is that a mother of three is not qualified to work at a job caring for children.

[youOme]

You did what you could, and a good thing too.

Sometimes you have to think of yourself, hopefully she can get a child care referral and get financial aid on some childcare.

[Rhapsody]

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youOme said:
You did what you could, and a good thing too.

hopefully she can get a child care referral and get financial aid on some childcare.

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Thanks....... I gave my best for two years.

Now I pray that our great creator will send a miracle her way as she has tried applying for any and all assistance here in town (even food stamps, medicaid and housing) and she is told the same thing over and over again........ you make to much for the government to help you - as you are considered middle class.

[AAAAA]

Rhapsody,

You've been doing a wonderful thing, and I truly hope that your niece really appreciates all that you've done for her and her children. I'm sorry that she decided to have children with someone she doesn't trust to take care of them that's water under the bridge. You have to do what is best for your immediate family. Two years is a long time, you've given her a wonderful gift! You should not feel guilty in the least. You've made their lives so much easier already, it's time to make your life a little easier!

As for your niece, I'd think long and hard about quitting a job with the hopes of government assistance. I don't know how it is there, but here, assistance isn't that easy to obtain, and if you quit a job, it's even harder.