Warped Perceptions

The oldest daughter is 20 years old here. We have been talking a lot lately as she has her first therapy appointment and im the only other person in the house in therapy. Its nice i see a lot of similarities but one i dont have(least i dont think i do) is the warped perception of reality. Is that normal for being young or is that part of depression or anxiety? She truly remembers things differently than they happened(or seems to sincerely believe it,maybe deep down she knows its a lie?). Like the fight she had with her mom. Everyone in the house other than her thinks she started it and prolonged it. She thinks her mom started everything and anything she did wrong it was in self defense. Or like her younger sister,she will do things ALL the time for the oldest. The oldest never hardly ever does things for her. The one time she doesnt do what the oldest wants she flips out and names the last thing she did for her(even if its months ago) and how she will never help her out again. Then starts saying she ALWAYS does stuff for her and she never helps her back. Thats not how it is in reality tho,its exactly opposite. She also has no patience at all,,im assuming thats somewhat normal for being young tho.

One thing im worried about tho,,is if she goes into therapy and tells the therapist what she percieves as the truth,,how will the therapist know whats true or not? Im not worried about being the bad guy,,heck i am a bad guy The part im worried about is how will the therapist ever figure out she warps it? He has to take what she tells him at face value not?

Shay,

Altered views of reality are *very* common for both depression and also for several personality disorders. I think a lot of times, it develops as a protection mechanism. We develop this facade to mask whatever in our life is too much for us to handle, and our brains just alter anything that might damage that facade. And then, there's the negative self-talk that comes with depression, "I'm worthless," "I'm unloveable," etc. All of those thoughts are distorting reality as well.

A good therapist will really dig around and get at the truth of things. For instance, if she has an anger control problem, that is a hard thing to hide, and a good therapist will know that there's no way everyone in her life is constantly doing things to her that are awful enough for her to react with such a high level of anger.

You know, I have found that in my group therapy, that kind of altering reality never flies...maybe it's that "it takes one to know one," but someone else in group *always* spots it when one person is trying to paint over the facts to make themselves look better. So maybe, if it seems like she is not getting much out of individual therapy, you might look into group therapy.

mj

I have no answers, Shay. Just wanted you to know message read, and I care.

Shaymus:

I can almost promise you that a good therapist will spot your daughter’s skewed perception of reality. There are key words to look for, like when your daughter says “she always” and “I never”…or when she uses phrases like “they do this to me” (as if the world is happening TO her and she has no control over it). There are also clues as to how she accepts (or refuses to accept) responsibility for her own behaviors.

Ultimately, the goal for this girl will be to “own” her thoughts and actions and take personal responsibility for how she interacts with (and reacts to) other people in her life. She will also need to realize her own 'power' and how she does have the ability to positively impact the world around her.

Relax and trust (for the moment) the process…

Trust the therapist and encourage and support the thepary process from home.

Both therapist and patient will work together to figure things out.

And, by the way, there are no bad guys, ok?

Great answers and thanks everyone for responding. What i meant by the bad guy thing was that wasnt my worry for asking the question in the first place. I just wanted to know if the therapist would be able to figure it out and by the answers i guess so. That makes me feel better and i can worry about other things now