Mothers

why is it that whenever into a fight with my mum she turns around and says while you are living under my roof you will do what i tell you! or you are such a typical teenager! it is not fair my mother knows better then to threaten to kick me out cuz she knows i want to go but she doesn't have to be such a ***** she does stuff that she knows i dont like and expects me to do whatever she tells me

what is the go

As a mother, that is the rule in my home too. If she's paying for your food, shelter, and clothing, you're going to have to live by her rules. That's the way life works. If she allowed you to do whatever you wanted, you'd never grow up enough to make a life of your own. I doubt you want to be a kid for the rest of your life.

I'm a former teenager too with a "mom from hell," so I know where you're coming from. My mother allowed me to attend a high school prom, but she wouldn't let me where the halter style silk dress I wanted. I had to wear what looked like a little kid's confirmation dress - with arms, legs and neck covered. It was humiliating to be laughed at. Nothing I could do because mom held the purse strings.

You can prove to her you are not a typical teenager by following her rules. Place your focus on being more responsible for your behavior and actions in life, and work on a way to be able to support yourself.

You can't do what you want until you get a home of your own. Even then, you will have to answer to creditors and others in authority. People of authority on the outside don't care about you as your mom does, so try to view her authority as something you need to endure in order to live in the real world.

If you really want to get back at her, work hard and do everything she tells you to do with a cheerful smile on your face. You'll prove to her you're not a typical teenager. When you get your act together and move out on your own, she'll miss having you around - and you'll probably miss her too.

Those are the LAWS of LIFE..... my mother said those things to me and I said those things to my boys and you too will probably say these things to your children, therefore, they best thing you can do is to obey and listen for you are in your parents house. ((( hugs )))

It's not a very good argument, is it? I don't know what you said to elicit it but sounds like your mother is frustrated.

I'm just learning about what it's like to be older (I'm 57) and to recognize where all those comments were coming from. When one is a teenager, one has no experience, can't have had very much experience by virtue of age, and yet is still an individual with one's own ideas and viewpoint. It's very hard to be young and not understand, to see forward but not understand what one is seeing because one hasn't gotten there yet.

Remember back to when you were half your age looking forward and how you have changed? That is going to keep happening. You understand now things you didn't when you were 8, an 8-year-old's mysteries and fears seem like nothing now. In your mid-20's you'll look at this period of your life and feel similar feelings toward it. There will be an "Oh, is that why!" sense of some of what your mother said and did and she will make more and more sense as you get older and older. My truly abusive stepmother makes a lot more sense to me now and that takes some of the pain of her abuse away.

Age does work wonders. If I had only known when I was your age what I know now. . .

"It's not fair...?" Is it fair for you to ignore her wants and wishes after she's given so much to you? Is it fair for you to disrespect her after she's provided everything you need, if not everything you want?

Maybe, if you actually start acting like an adult, she start to treat you like one. But whining about "fairness" is as far from adult as you can get. Why are you even fighting with her? What's worth so much to you that you'll fight over it with someone who's taken care of you your whole life?

If you know something about it that she may not, then yelling is not the way to go. Here's how grown ups handle it: we approach the situation calmly, lay out our points RESPECTFULLY, and then patiently explain our point of view. If the answer is still no, then request an explanation, again, RESPECTFULLY. And then you let it go.

When you get a job, you'll be expected to behave by the rules of the people you work for, whether you like it or not. It's just life. Grow up and deal with it.

ok i have two younger siblings who are 4 and 2 they stress my mother out which i try to help her out wit unlike my older brother 19 who doesn't do a thing to help yet she yells at me not him when i try i can't handle work school and then all the crap she gives me my deal with her as a child was if she smoked i would and she quit and now she has started again and she knows i hate it then i try to help her with the kids but she over rides every little bit of power i have so the kids dont listen to me so i cant help her with that my dad is never around to help mum hates me i am the family outcast

i do understand that it is hard on her but i have never asked for anything more then respect from her and she can't even give me that

(((((((((((((( Jazz )))))))))))))))))

You're in a rough spot.

I'm the mother of two grown daughters and I really tried hard not to do that stuff. Did I? Yep, but it was the exception and not the rule. I did pretty good there.

Now, there were times I'd stop after arguing for an hour and remind MYSELF AND HER that "just because", "because I'm mom and I feel I know what's best...right or wrong".

The mother/daughter relationship has said to be the MOST complicated ever. I believe it, being both.

It *will* get better, hon.

Are there other stresses going on in mom's life right now that's causing her to be overwhelmed? Is there a way you and family could help her with those, explaining that you hope it helps overall? Have you tried, WHEN NOT ANGRY, to tell her how that makes you feel? Don't say the really important stuff when arguing because it usually doesn't go anywhere.

I'll tell you another thing, a couple of times my daughter wrote me notes...that sunk in...big time. We weren't arguing and she was able to pour out her heart and soul without defense. It helped immensely...my understanding of her.

I hope it gets better soon, hon.

KD

Jazz

I know where you are coming from - just can't win. I was the youngest, but I was blamed for everything too. Mom thought my birth caused her life to become a living hell for her. My dad had to travel a lot, so I was responsible for keeping her from attempting suicide while he was gone. At a very young age, I was responsible for dealing with the authorities in dad's absence when mom attempted suicide before I could stop her.

When mom was committed to a psychiatric hospital for several months, I had to keep up with my studies. I also had to keep the house clean and have dinner ready for my father and sister everyday when they came home from work. I wasn't allowed to hang around with my friends. When I snuck out and went to the movies with them one day, I got in trouble for being selfish and not carrying my load. If I raised my voice, my father's German Shepherd would push me into a corner to protect my older sister from me.

It was frustrating as hell, but it made me stronger. It taught me how NOT to be mother, and it taught me how NOT to treat my family. It taught me to maintain my composure when dealing with "toxic" employers, co-workers, and society in general.

Hang in there, kid. I know it's hard.

Jazz 91,

When I was a teen I SWORE I would never say the following two things to my future children 1) While you’re under my roof…. 2) Do as I say not as I do.

Fast forward I really have tried to live up to that promise to myself, but I have used both of those phrases. I have told my children that I don’t say “no” just to make them unhappy, there is a logical explanation for every decision I make as their mother, but sometimes, they’re just going to have to take my word for it. Sometimes you just don’t have the time to sit down and explain every single decision that they don’t agree with.

Another thing I swore I would never do is favor one child over another. My brother was my mom’s favorite, and we both knew it. I do love all of my children equally, they have different personalities therefore my interactions with them are different, it doesn’t mean that I love one more than another. For example, if my eldest asked to do something and I did not want him to do it, all I had to say was no, there was no explanation required. He accepted my decisions without question. My youngest on the other hand needs ever aspect of every decision explained in detail.

As parents we do make mistakes, but our first priority is your health and safety, your happiness, while important to us comes in third place.

The last thing I swore I’d never say “you’ll understand when you have your own children.” I say that all the time. It is impossible to comprehend the love you have for your children until you have your own. We love you enough to make you miserable.

I was always so angry that I was the only one with a curfew. As a senior in High School I had to be home at 11:00. I was a good kid and did not understand why my parents did not trust me. Once I had my own kids, I realized that it wasn’t me that my parents didn’t trust, it was the rest of the world.

Many teenagers do not think that we remember what it was like being a teen. We do, we understand more than you give us credit for. We try very hard to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes we did. Rules are a part of life, your mother would be doing you a disservice if she let you run wild. And you will understand her point of view when you have children of your own.