How do I explain all this to my husband?

Lately....I am NOT okay. I did finally sort-of tell my husband what's going on. I basically said "I think I'm getting depressed again" but I didn't really elaborate.

He is....ok how do I put this nicely....he's not very educated. He just doesn't "get" things sometimes. He won't read books. He barely graduated high school, he's 37 years old and still works at a grocery store...and no, he's not in management.

So how do I get him to understand what's really going on?

And how do I get him to pitch in and help a little without me begging so hard just for anything?

Last night, for example. I worked from 6:30 AM - 6:30 PM. On the way home, I called him - basically to ask if I should pick up something from a drive-thru for dinner. I just didn't have time to talk, I was driving, I was exhausted, I just wanted a YES or NO answer from him. He said "oh, get what you want, I don't care..." yadda yadda no decision at all.

I get home and I had to nuke dinner for all of us.

I just really wanted him to just MAKE DINNER or MAKE A DECISION so I didn't have to. I am so exhausted. I spend my entire day at work, and any breaks I have, I spend the entire break time calling every psych and doctor in town trying to get a f'ing appointment. That alone has been hell.

I just want him to HELP but any time I ask him to do something, it just turns into him asking me a million questions of how I want it done!! I just want him to DO IT without me HELPING him. I don't have the time, I don't have the energy.

And then...even after I was clearly NOT okay...he still keeps bugging me with questions about the new house. Even after I CLEARLY told him that I DO NOT WANT TO WORK ON THE HOUSE STUFF UNTIL AFTER NEXT WEEK. But he still kept talking about it. I don't understand him. How clear do I have to be for him to listen??

He thinks this "depression thing" is just temporary. That oh, when work settles down, I'll be okay. He thinks he can just crack funny jokes and try and make me laugh as if that will make it all better. Well it doesn't. How do I get him to understand that.

try printing this out and giving it to him and go over it with him,
explain how tierd you are after working it would be nice to have a nice meal to eat even if its prepaired by you and cooked by him, i know it doesnt help but if that doesnt work why not prepare some meals like cottage pie on days off and freeze them, take them out on day ready fro cooking before you go to work then just ring hubby to turn oven on
hope this helps and im sure others might have some ideas

I would remove any mention of the lack of education as that could make him feel inferior and put his back up.

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Tishie said:
I would remove any mention of the lack of education as that could make him feel inferior and put his back up.

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Oh, I'm not saying I'm constantly telling him he's uneducated...noo...just saying, how do I explain these kinds of things to someone who doesn't really understand science and medicine and all that stuff.

Hi Razzleberry

You could tell him by printing out the first post you put in this thread..but just edit out the bits about his not being educated...coz I think you've explained good how you feel here...and I think you've explained it good enough for anybody to understand. I got it and I'm not well educated.

Good luck!

Same here I understood it !

I loved the idea of making and freezing dinners. I'm gonna steal that one myself, lol.
But why not make a calendar and put on it what you need done on certain days. (I know, men probably wouldn't do the stuff anyway, but it's a suggestion!)
Also, about the depression....it is so hard to make someone understand what you are going through if they haven't been through it themselves. I am in the same situation. I have even had my husband sit in on my counseling sessions in the past and after he left, it was the same old!

But I have a friend who was having the same problem as you and then she started writing a list for him everyday. (Just a few easy items.)
And he was releived because he didn't have to try and guess what she wanted, go figure???
In the meantime, take care of you too!!!

By "all this" I really mean the depression/whatever-it-is-I-have and why that makes it so difficult for me to function even though I don't "look" sick. He just thinks it's stress from work and I need to relax...but how do I get him to realize that it's much worse than that, and I've been this way since I was 10 years old and the stress from work only made it WORSE and more visible...but it isn't going to just go away on April 16th and everything will be better.

I tried doing the freezer dinners once upon a time - they're great for a while but you have to have a ton of time on the weekends to get them ready...and after a few weeks in the freezer, they start to taste kinda blah. Might as well eat lean cuisine for less work. But yeah, it's a good idea for those who haven't tried it.

The thing is, I wish I could just ask him to do something, and it would be done, without a zillion questions. This morning, for example. I was running late for work. He was nice enough to ask if he could help me with anything - which was great, and I did appreciate that. I asked him to make me a bagel. Well, the last bagel had a little mold on it. So I said okay make me some toast. He had to ask me how dark I wanted it, if I wanted white or wheat, and if I wanted the spray butter or the tub butter or real butter. I just wanted toast! I was already 10 minutes late for work!! It just gets to me when he has to ask so many questions. Even if I wanted wheat toast with spray butter and he got me white toast with real butter...I would not have complained, I would have been happy that he just did something for me without a lot of work on my part. Maybe it's just me...I know I get upset over stupid silly things lately.

Yeah, you have a tough one on your hands. I think maybe the only way he could understand is if he were to go to the therapist or doctor with you. Maybe hearing it from someone else will help him get it.

I understand you being upset about the toast, but I think it was because you were already running late. Hey, if my husband asked me if he could help me out just once....I would probably pass out!!! lol.

Try to take some time for you and relax. You deserve it!