disconnecting

I struggle to stay connected to people, groups of people, etc. I don't have any problem staying connected to my pets, but something about people. I just zone out and pretty soon don't feel like I belong or identify, then I drift away. I feel so cold and uncaring when that happens. I really start off caring about people, but I think fears get in the way and choke out the concern I have for others. I'd like to be better.

Willow, I know just what you mean (I think) I get the same way, I start off with people, things go well, first I am shy but then get more comfortable, then when people start asking me to join them either for dinner or go shopping with them I make all excuses that I am not able, so I recline any invites for friendships, it is weird, so I just stay connected with my dog, the "natural" world of wildlife and plants. . . I guess I am just meant to be a "loner"?? Maybe I value my freedom to do what I want and when I want to? I wish there was some answer to why I do this, I sometimes wonder if it is the fear of being hurt over time, like I have been in the past, do you think that is one answer, do you get to feeling this way too?
Sorry, I don't know if you wanted to talk about this, but your post just seemed to sort of hit on the way I feel often.
Take care of yourself,
** hugs **
"darkeyes"

oh gosh... that's just exactly how I am darkeyes. Matter of fact, I was telling someone yesterday about that very thing. I am a warm person and people want to get close to me, but soon as they invite me to do something or the relationship seems to ask for more depth, I bail out. It's not that I don't ever do things with people. It's just highly uncomfortable and quite a stretch for me to make that step.

I'm so glad you relate to this. I feel so selfish sometimes because I can't seem to care about others enough to get past this. Do you ever feel selfish because of it?

Well, I don't know if that is maybe the word? I do feel so dissapointed with myself when I lose out or miss out on a possible friendship due to this, it is best described I think as "social anxiety"? My pdoc says try to follow my recline in invites by saying, "I'm sorry but I have to do. . .but maybe we can set another day or time to get together". He say's this way I do not have to feel the other person(s) will think I am a snob or just anti-social. It is remarkable how it is easy for me to socialize here but face to face I freeze up, or it takes me awhile to feel comfortable. I just don't allow myself to get too close, resulting in being alone, which I've grown to accept that I'll always be in this "little world of my own, a safe place".
If you ever want to PM me please feel free In my case I think this "phobic" kind of thing stems way back to childhood and stuff that was happening in my family, long story
Take care,
** hugs to you **
"darkeyes"

My T pegged me with avoidant personality. I guess this kind of thing would fall under that as well as social anxiety. I am certain I have childhood roots that have shaped me this way too. Unlike you, I can no longer tolerate the cage of loneliness I have bound myself to. I would like to find the way out. My world is safe, but it is incredibly lonely

I'm on the other side of this fence. My husband stays disconnected from me, our children, our personal life. Devoid of any passion except for the animals and has an obsession with saving an entire species. Problems that arise from this are my fault (always). period. He is sucessfully alianting our 13 yr., Looks for ways to find fault in every one of us that were close to him. (we have 3 children) and continually works our family to death with the care of his animals. I have to wait for his animals to bathe before I can before work. This is only one item in a long list of things where the animals come before the humans in our house. About 10 minutes ago he came home from the store with food for the animals but not for us.(Thats my job)As tears stream down my face I cannot express the pain I am going through right now. I love animals too but miss my husband and hate myself for not beeing able to remedy this situation.(He just starts screaming)I hate the screaming.The only good times are past memories. I'm so very tired. And I'm so very very lonely. I don't know why people do this to others. Maybe you can tell me.