[becky25]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 15 months now. We have a great relationship. But, there's a few things about our relationship that bother me, that I can't get past.

The first thing being trust. I want so hard to trust him. When we met, he was divorced for one month. His wife was horrible to him, which, in turn, made him become a completely different person. He was extremely flirty, and always trying to 'hook up'. Within the first month of us officially 'dating', I realized he wasn't someone I wanted to be with. I'm not a flirty person, at all. I don't want someone who will casually make up conversation with someone they don't know. He does this a lot. We were out with all of my friends, and he would dance on them, acting like he was going to grab their boobs, he did grab their butts, and he got excessively drunk. I didn't like what I saw at all. We had a horrible weekend together, and I went to his place to call it quits. He said that's not the person he is and he didn't want to be that person anymore. He started crying. That is still the only time I've seen him cry.

Then, I was hanging out with his parents and their friends one weekend, when I noticed this one girl who is a friend of a daughter of his parent's friends was giving me looks and was not nice to me at all. Just randomly, I asked him if he has ever been 'involved' with her before. He said yes, that they 'made out a few times', while he was going thru his divorce, and she was also in a relationship with the guy whom she's getting ready to marry. I don't believe in that stuff. I asked him three months before this to let me know if i'm going to be around anyone he might have had a fling with before, so I'm not put in an awkward situation. I asked him why he didn't tell me, and he said because he thought I would get angry. That made me angry because he just put me in the situation I didn't want to be in, after I asked him not to. Now, I know he will keep things from me because he thinks I'm going to get mad. Therefore, I don't trust him. How can you trust someone who doesn't want to tell you something?

Another issue I have is that I want kids of my own, but he is fixed and already has two kids with his ex. I'm 34. I'm at that point in my life where if it's going to happen, it needs to. But, he's made it clear he doesn't want anymore. He likes to drive that point home to me whenever I try to bring it up. He did so much last weekend that I bahled my head off for a half an hour, and I couldn't stop. It hurts really bad.

Another issue I have is that he's an alcohol salesman. I'm an engineer with a typical schedule. He wins trips, and gets trashed on these trips with co-workers. The last trip he took, he got so drunk one night that I couldn't even talk to him on the phone. Then, teh other nights he was making sure his female co-workers got back to their rooms okay. These girls had skirts on, flirting with him. Seriously. Sometimes I feel so belittled by his job.

But, I don't want to lose him, because he is a good guy. These are the issues I have with him. He's very caring. He can be emotional. But, I don't want to lose him. He makes me laugh like noone has before.

I'm at this pivotal point that I need to trust him and move on, or get out. I'm so up in the air. I don' tknow what to do.

We've been to counseling, and I've been told to focus on the positive and not the negative. I've tried. Then, something comes up like him going to vegas with his best friend... it makes me want to leave.

Any advice?

[wounded1]

Take it from someone who has come to realize that real love is impossible without trust...it's time to let him go. Also, if you want a family, and he doesn't, it's probably going to be something you will end up resenting him for if you compromise just to stay with him.

As much as we'd like to, we can't make people be who we need them to be. My husband is the perfect man for me in soooooooo many ways, from his sense of humor to the way we raise our children together. He has issues from his past however that he's never dealt with which make him do hurtful things, things that make it impossible for me to trust him. In my case, my husband wants to be the person he knows I need, and is in therapy and on a road to self discovery to try and change. I truly hope he can get there, and his efforts are successful, but the outcome remains to be seen, so for now we are separated.

IMHO, this man is not the right person for you. If you can't look at him and say with 100% certainty that he is someone who you can trust your heart and soul to, someone you believe will never hurt you, I say let him go. I know it's a painful decision, and I know how hard it is to walk away from someone you love, but would you rather do it now or five years from now when your lives are even further intertwined? Only you can decide how far you are willing to compromise, but please stay true to yourself. I've learned that lesson the hard way...

Any time you need to "talk, please feel free to PM me. I send you lots of love and hugs...

[MyBestKids2]

Without trust, you ain't got nothing!

[Doh2007]

He doesn't sound like a good guy. He has a lot of baggage. Do you really want to live your life looking over your shoulder? In ten years you'll be trying to figure our why you ever got into this relationship.

[BalishBun]

You know in the beginning i did not trust my bf (whos now my hubbie), but then i learned to trust him, it took time because of all the b/fs that had cheated on me. But then I had that certain connection, and i just lost that insecurity and now everything is just peachy keen So if youve been with him and the trust has NOT improved, there is something wrong there.