[sally_j]

I am married for 3 years and no kids. And were 2 young people. Me in my 20's and husband in 30's ( sorry i didnt know where to post this) For the past 2 years of our married life its been hell on both our parts. I barley communicated with my husband. I was healing in bad timeing due to an previous abusive relationship while married to my husband so the timeing couldn't be worse on trying to heal. I always thought I heal during the time of our engagement period but that didnt hapen. So my problem carried in my married life. My husband is a wondeful and supportive man that delt with mostly my crap over the past 2 years. And its been a year that everything has settled down. The problem is I feel like i'm married to a kid that does not know what the hell he is doing with his life. The other day we were in the car coming back from my parents house and he's listening to depressing music. I asked him why he said he maybe happy in the outside but is suffering in the inside and I dont know if i want to live like this.

Were in a large amount of debt. He's not thinking like an adult anymore. He wants to go out and make big purchases when he knows we cant afford stuff right now. Sometimes when he gets mad or upset he flares up and having the look of wanting to hit me. About 3 weeks ago coming back from my mom's birthday I was drunked coming back from the restuarent he slams his head in the window 3 times. He's aggrivated alot. He cant quit his smoking after a numerous time of telling him to cut it out. He's smoking in the house. In the car. And I have to cry to tell him to cut it out. I cant do this anymore. I want to call it quits so many times but i feel like i'm obligated to make this work. And our sex life is not intersting anymore.

And like this its making me more depressed to be in the marriage. Why i'm not leaving right now is because 1) i dont want to go back to my parents house. 2) i want to leave the state and start fresh i cant do that because the lawyer is trying to fix our credit. ( and the process of that takes to 4 months 3) want to avoid family embarrassment 4) he cheated on me with his ex gf and not telling me about it for 4 months ( i had to find this out by myself) and is expecting me to get over it.

Please help me. Any advice will do.

[AAAAA]

(((((sally))))) I’m sorry that you’re so unhappy now. Marriage is hard work, the easy times are few and far between. It sounds like you’re both suffering. Is it possible to seek counseling? I know the short easy answer is to leave. But the problems you’re facing now will present themselves in your next long term relationship as well. Your sex life is going to get stale in a long term relationship, unless you work to freshen it up. Chances are in the next long term relationship, you and your partner are going to be in different stages in your life as well. I’ve never met a couple yet that grew at the same pace.

I’m not trying to talk you out of leaving, I just want you to understand that if you do, and you haven’t learned anything from this relationship, all you’re doing is putting a band-aid on a broken leg.

I would have a problem with the cheating. But I really would suggest you both go to couples counseling, if for no other reason than to clear up some of the baggage that you’re carrying.

I wish you luck and happiness with whichever path your choose.

[Rose3]

Maybe you or he wants some kind of change - not clear about what or how?
Maybe counselling is a okay route to try - in order to clarify things, before you make major decisions.

[50guy]

Getting married is easy, staying married is tough and is not for the timid. You are very new in your marriage and have discovered that you are no longer happy. You should still be getting to know each other and enjoying sex and life together. What changed? Where did the joy go?
You need to get to a relationship counselor as soon as possible if you want to save your marriage. Be thankful that you don't have children involved. If you want to work it out it can be but, there is going to have to be an agreement from both of you concerning what you expect your life together to be.

Maybe your husband needs a second part time job to help pay the bills. Do you both work? Money problems and infidelity are the two biggest causes of divorce. You both need to be honest in where you want your relationship to go and how you plan to get there.

Please, if you want to grow old together, get counsel.

Good luck to you in the future.

Married to the same woman for 35+ years.

[Doh2007]

At least try to find some marriage counseling before you think about leaving. Your issues aren't unsurmountable. Counselors will give you a break in fees if you ask sincerely.