I've come to realize about my mom...

I may love her because she is my mother, but i REALLY do not care at all for her personality.

Is this wrong?

Hey - I'm the same way about my dad, and it's even more sacrilegious for me to say so because he's on his deathbed...

But if it weren't for HIS personality, I wouldn't have MY personality so I suppose I should be grateful. In many ways, he has been a role model of how I do not want to be. He does have some positive qualities, but for the most part...

I understand, Rainbowzz

I think the faster we can come to grips with these issues, the faster we can heal and become our own people.

EJ

Rainbowzz, LMO, EJ! This is also true for me, and I just witnessed the passing of my mother, caring for her in her final month here in my home. Mom was quite abusive to me while I was growing up, and even into college, when I'd return home, she was still hitting me, beating me over the head if I said something that ticked her off! I've had a massive inferiority complex all my life, gradually overcoming the impact of it all. Also, I attribute my dysfunctional relationships with men to her influence. I am alone today, and probably will remain so.
As she aged and became fragile, she wanted a close and loving relationship with me, but I couldn't respond in that way to her, nor visit as often as she would have liked. But when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I brought her here to my home, and cared for her lovingly. While she was still in the hospital and staying there with her, attending to her needs, she asked me, "How did you get to be this way?" I answered, "It's my nature, Mom." (I didn't get it from her, that's for sure!)

As a parent myself, I never once hit my daughter, nor ever abused her in any way. I was determined to be a different kind of parent, and as a result, my daughter and I have a loving relationship.

I guess I'm happy that I was strong enough to show love and care for my mother in her final days. I think about her good qualities now...very intelligent woman whose upbringing was harsh and the victim of abuse herself. I even miss her now, and no longer feel the effects of the bad memories.

Love
Patty

That's one of the best things in my 18 years of therapy that I learned from my therapist; the difference between "love" and "like".

My therapist asked me who I liked and I immediately answered, "my husband, Scott". She then asked me why I liked him. I said, "Because he's warm, fun, and friendly." She then had me apply those 3 words to my stepmother. . . LOL, not even close on any one of them.

We then discussed how one doesn't have to hang out with those one loves, just with "friends" that one likes. One just loves who one loves and doesn't worry about not liking them. It was interesting applying my new 3 words to my 3 brothers and even the brother I see all the time and feel "paired" with I don't really like.

Patty,

I can understand your relationship with your Mother and how hard it must've been to see this person who used her power to hurt you suddenly fragile and weak. Sometimes you wait for that other shoe to drop like they can still hurt you.

Your kindness, caring, and loving to your Mother was wonderful. It shows the good character you have during one of the hardest times of your life. I'm proud of you for that. In her heart she thanks you too.

Peace & Love

Ocean


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seeker1950 said:
Rainbowzz, LMO, EJ! This is also true for me, and I just witnessed the passing of my mother, caring for her in her final month here in my home. Mom was quite abusive to me while I was growing up, and even into college, when I'd return home, she was still hitting me, beating me over the head if I said something that ticked her off! I've had a massive inferiority complex all my life, gradually overcoming the impact of it all. Also, I attribute my dysfunctional relationships with men to her influence. I am alone today, and probably will remain so.
As she aged and became fragile, she wanted a close and loving relationship with me, but I couldn't respond in that way to her, nor visit as often as she would have liked. But when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I brought her here to my home, and cared for her lovingly. While she was still in the hospital and staying there with her, attending to her needs, she asked me, "How did you get to be this way?" I answered, "It's my nature, Mom." (I didn't get it from her, that's for sure!)

As a parent myself, I never once hit my daughter, nor ever abused her in any way. I was determined to be a different kind of parent, and as a result, my daughter and I have a loving relationship.

I guess I'm happy that I was strong enough to show love and care for my mother in her final days. I think about her good qualities now...very intelligent woman whose upbringing was harsh and the victim of abuse herself. I even miss her now, and no longer feel the effects of the bad memories.

Love
Patty

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