Relationship Woes

Me and my boyfriend just got back together 2 weeks ago. Since then we have barely spent any time together. I know he needs his space but a phone call or a visit would be nice from him. I am the one that has to call and has to visit him. I'm so sick of it. He said he was ready for a relationship, but what the hell is this? I'm more alone now than I ever was before! I'm thinking of breaking it off with him because I'm not getting anything from him.

I just buried my aunt and he didn't even give me a hug or anything like that...which i needed desperately from him...or somebody. Then at the reception I had to seek him out...he refused to even spend time with me.

He's at my brother's beck and call but when it comes to me he'll cancel all our plans. Like if I want to do something he has to check with my brother to see if he can. I'm so sick of being ignored.

Lexi,
You deserve better then what this guy is doing. A relationship is something that requires time and communication and if he is not willing to put in the effort then you can do better.

Take care,
Jessica

Hi Lexicon,

Sounds like you need to do a reality check, and you are doing one here on this board.

Sometimes you have have to say to yourself 'Is this what I want to happen to me?' If it's not, then you can change the situation.

My daughter made the hard decision to get rid of someone who was behaving like your boyfriend, and guess what? Someone really nice came along.

I think that good things happen when we make good choices. I hope good things happen for you.

Cheers, Myzen

Ok, I gave him another chance...big mistake. He hasn't come to see me or called me or anything and I'm not making any moves because I want to see how much he really wants to be with me...well I got the answer...actually it's the answer I wanted. Now I know how important I really am in his world of head games and god knows what else.

It bugged me at first that he wasn't trying to see me, but now it kind of is a relief for me because right now in my life a boyfriend is too complicated...I'm just trying to get myself back on my feet from 2 funerals (mom and aunt)....where he didn't even comfort me at all.

Yes, Lexicon, you have your answer -- even if it is not the one you wanted. Now -- you must decide what you are going to do if he contacts you 2 weeks or 2 months or 6 months from now.

There is a kind of head-game player who will do this -- vanish for a while, then come back when you least expect just to make sure that you are still on his emotional "hook" and that he can reel you back in whenever you want to.

I would suggest being cool, pleasant, uninvolved -- and saying no, you're sorry, but you won't be able to get together with him. Or, if you really really must and think you can do it without causing yourself more pain (and there have been guys that I could not have done this with bec. of my own level of involvement) -- saying-- ok, i'll meet you for coffee for an hour in the morning or afternoon, definitely not evening. And sticking to the hour and leave. No matter how great it seems.

The main thing is, though: Have a plan.

Don't obsess about it. Don't anticipate and wait for it. But know who you are and what you deserve and what you consider an appropriate response.