How much can you expect someone to be there for you?

Just how much can you expect a significant other/best friend/etc. to be there for you? Its a broad question, I know. But I'm curious of what you think, open to whatever people come up with. Can you expect someone to be there for you any time you feel you are going through an emotional crisis? Would you only expect them to come to your aid if they do not have other plans? How much can you expect someone to be committed to you? Or any time you are in danger of hurting yourself? What if you are only at risk of injuring yourself superficially and it wouldn't require medical attention?

How much do you, personally, expect a significant person in your life to be there for you? How much do you commit yourself to them? For instance I've always been willing to break casual commitments like going out with a friend to watch movies or something if a loved one is in an emotional crisis. But should I expect another to do the same for me? What if I'm more emotionally unstable and require more help than they do?

I'm asking all these questions because they relate to a personal relationship I'm struggling with - I tend to be the type that will put everything aside to go help another, to the point that it sometimes takes away from my own happiness, and I think my expectations for others' commitment may be unreasonably high - that said, I'm open to any interpretation you have. Feel free to answer my questions exactly or contribute your own thoughts.

Thanks!

Hi jamminpianogirl
I think if it is interfering with your own well being, then it's too much. It's hard sometimes to not want to be there for someone every time they need someone, but I do wonder if it becomes enabling. If we weren't there all the time, perhaps they would learn to deal with the crises but have no need to try to regulate their own emotions because they don't need to. They have someone who can do it for them. I would not want or expect someone else to set aside their own mental health or happiness to "save" me every time my emotions got out of control.

I think it is ok to imagine someone being there for you often if they are a close friend... but it has been to my experience that constantly needing that help makes people distance themselves because the negativity might get to them after a while. That was to my experience... I pushed 1 or 2 friends away because I constantly needed their help and support, and they got tired of it. What I learned was that I couldn't rely on other people to be my crutch and "hold me up" emotionally, so to speak. I had to be able to hold myself up, and they would be there to keep me from falling over.

I believe the amount a time any one can be there for another is an individual choice and one that needs to be made based on the emotional, mental and physical well being of the one giving.

It's hard to speak in generalities.

Very true Doh. And often our viewpoints are based solely on past experiences. Thankfully there are plenty of us here with differing experiences to maybe give a well rounded viewpoint.

Good point WTH. Here's my 2 cents. I think it's our expectations of other people that get us into trouble. I was let down so much that I didn't expect anything. Now I'm pleasantly surprised and utterly grateful when someone is there for me.

That doesn't mean that you can't ask for what you need. Just know one of the possible answers is no.

Although it is difficult to speak in generalities, the one thing that is very important is that your partner needs to know what you expect/desire from him. Many times we think “If that was me, I’d…..” Even when you’ve been married many years, your partner still needs to hear what you need from him. And don’t attempt to keep a score card. “I did this for you, so you need to do something for me.” Finally, men and women view things differently, what you deem an emotional crisis he might view as just another day. Constant communication is the only way to keep a relationship healthy and happy.

Doh is exactly right, expectations without communication get us into trouble.