Bad guys in my life

I grew up having a abusive drunk father.My older brother did drugs for a years.Was in a abusive relationship back in 1996.I have lots of guy friends.But i have issues wth trusting men.Plus i don't date much.I never have been popular with guys.Have not been asked out by many guys.Losers like me.Jerks like me.Needy guys like me.50 something old men like me.I'm 37 and not attracted to older guys. I'm attracted to younger men.Because they seem more active.Not into homebodies.I wish my past experince with men.Would not affect my present or my future.But it has for years.I'd like to be in a loving realtionship.But i'm feeling at times like an old maid.Plus feeling worthless,ugly etc.

Sweetie, I can certainly identify with you. Been there, done that.
Have you gained some insights into your attraction to the bad boy thru any type of counseling, reading, or group work? I've done a lot of studying, reading, and self-examination about this myself, including counseling in the past. Never had a satisfying relationship with a man that lasted. But I'm much older than you, and I've finally found a peace from making my way solo. However, if I were your age, I'd seek out answers to why??? I'd try to make behavior modifications that sent me in the directions of healthy relationships, if you truly want that.
Love,
Patty

Well i have talked about it to my counselor a few times.She said not everyone is meant to be in a relationship.Plus she said i should take awhile before i trust people.

Hey we have all had our share of jerks. And there will always be older men wanting a younger woman! Do not let that discourage you. It is important to trust. But it does not sound like you have a man you are worried about trusting right now. And you know what, I trust to much sometimes. So work on that happy medium. I am sorry you are not feeling good about yourself right now, it may sound superficial and it is, but maybe you need a new hair cut, or makeup change or something like that to get your ego boosting again!

I have in the last year or so have changed my looks.Use to have really short Tom Boy type hair.Have grown it out.Ok at times it can be a mess.But i look different.Than i did this time last year.

Hi,
I'm 38 and have been married to an alcholic abuser, lived common-law with a drug user/physical abuser and am now married again, to a man who does none of those things but is very distant and unaffectionate, not talkative etc. We are on the verge of divorce. Ive only just found out that I have anxiety disorder although Ive been on effexor xr for years.
My point is, my husband is 10yrs younger than me and Ive always had that same problem, jerks, old guys blah blah blah.. then I thought I found my knight in shining armour, good looking, christian, etc, but my disorder and his silence is unbarable for both of us, I have absolutely no emotional support from him, I went to the hospital in January and when the paramedic's and doc's asked me where my husband was I told them he's busy. He was at work and couldnt take an hour off to support me. Any how sorry for rambling on.
Any way dont give up on finding the right guy cause it is possible, but if you do have any sort of mental illness just make sure you get the proper help you need cause the guy you fall in love with may not be able to cope with your illness. Dont do what I did and try to deny you have any thing wrong because of shame or thinking you are weak cause you're not. Its way better to get the proper help, than to pretend you are fine and try to cope alone.
Oh and by the way please dont take any thing I wrote in anyway, shape or form as if I am assuming any of this pertains to you, I guess I just felt very similar to you and it reminded me of my situation. Good luck, dont give up, you will find your special love

Hi
I don't think you are alone as a single woman with trust issues against men in general. I want to take a moment to tell you how sorry I am at your suffering while you were growing up.
I am a single guy and when I go to internet dating sites like pof.com and read the profiles of interesting women my age these women often ask for an 'honest' man. I suppose this means that many were burnt by lies. Both men and women lie. Men often lie to have sex. Women often lie about vanity issues like age to make themselves more appealing and also about control issues. I don't think you can change people or men that easily. If someone is pathologically honest at a detriment to themselves then they still have an unexplained pathology that is dangerous potentially. I think you have to judge people individually and decide how to open up to a partner when you are ready to do that. A few shrewd woman would rather steal a married man than deal with me because in their minds there must be something wrong with me if I am not taken already. I find that to be an interesting defense mechanism that justifies deceit.
Maybe the ones you are looking for seem so desirable to you because they are often unavailable to you and you are curious? I don't suggest you should go back to needy men. But maybe you are fishing in the wrong pond to get what you want. Have you considered the interests and activities that the gentlemen you would enjoy do pursue? I don't know if you should give up knitting and join a scuba club but I am sure that could work
In my own dating profile on pof.com i say that i am looking for a woman who is capable of emotional intimacy when the time is appropriate. I don't know if this scares potential mates off because it does sound a little bossy. But I am mature enough to know what I want after analysis and all that. I try to avoid a date with a lot of emotional baggage. When I was younger in my twenties i was very involved and cared about a woman who needed sex a lot and would feel guilty about it and sometimes take it out on me because of her religious prejudices. I personally would try to avoid reliving that kind of relationship. If this gal didn't screw me up so much I probably would have married her and she'd have felt great. But I always expected the other shoe to drop so I was very careful. Which is prolly the reason I might avoid dating you. But I am sure you may not consider me a catch or a keeper anyway, especially because I post on a psych site.
I just wanted to give you a guy's perspective on this. Please don't give up on men yet. I am sure you can find a good one when you are ready. Goodluck uclafan.
pi