[stupidme]

I am new here but do need some advice. I was raped 4 years ago and since then have had trouble in making close relationships. Thing is my local minister was counselling me about it for a long time and we have now developed a sexual relationship. I do love and trust him but a friend told me this morning that he doesn't love me he probably feels sorry for me and isn't getting sex from his own wife so is just using me as a way to help me feel better. WHat do you lot think?

[seeking]

Hi!

I do not believe it is a very professional person who develops a sexual relationship with people they counsel. This person (married person) is in a position of authority and he is abusing it .

I would change to another therapist and if you do decide to proceed with having a relationship with your local minister, then at least you keeping business and pleasure seperate.

Keep well and I hope you can resolve these issues.

[nothemama8]

It sounds like he has improper ethics, a married minister has NO business placing you in a situation like this, you are a victim, he is the predator, ask him if he is willing to leave his wife for you, if he comes up with ONE reason why he can't leave her for you, then run to the nearest T for further counceling.
You deserve better
Angie

[kimmydawn]

hi there. i hope you're doing well today.

you asked, so i'm going to say what i think. your minister is abusing his authority on several counts. as a minister, he should not be having a relationship with a member, married or not. also, as putting himself is the position of counselling you, he has abused his authority and position. a person is his position (minister and therapist) should not have a relationship of any kind with you, other than in that professional setting.

our minister will not even talk with a woman (young or old) without another person in the room. what he's doing with you in past inappropriate...on many counts. it's considered a form of abuse.

i'm so sorry for your rape (more than i can say in words). then you reach out for help to be further victimized by a person of authority whom you went to for that help. i feel so for you right now. you did nothing wrong here. you reached out for help at a very vulnerable time.

i hope you come back and let us know how things are going on. furthermore, i hope you get help from a professional who truly wants to help you. i would consider seeing a therapist/psychologist...begin there. if you are in the u.s., almost every community has a community mental health center that will help and if you don't have funds, won't charge. if you have good insurance, please find one of your choosing.

i wish alot of things for you right now. i wouldn't say that he's using you, because that then gives you a "responsibility of sorts" in this case. i would definitely say that he's abusing his power and figure of authority with a very vulnerable victim...which is wrong.

be safe, and keep in touch,

kd

[LMo]

I agree with everyone, especially Kimmydawn. You shouldn't bear any burden of responsibility for this. Using you... well, not necessarily. He probably has very tender feelings for you. I would imagine it would be hard to counsel a woman who has been through what you have and not feel close. But... a strong man with a good heart would respect your vulnerability. His feelings, your feelings... they are probably in the right vein but the wrong place and time. And since he is married, you are not going to get the respect and commitment you deserve. It's probably best to move on to a new counselor and build up to opening your heart to others.