Am I demanding or he is too oblivious?

We have been married for more than 6 years with one 2.5 year old and another one coming in a few weeks. Since we have our first son, I've come to notice that I have taken up too much responsibilities in the household and he barely has to do anything other than JUST go to work, while I cooked, cleaned, childcare, finance, work, and everything else you name it to maintain a family. As a matter of fact, I even have to help him with his work sometimes (like writing his email, give opinions how he can deal with his company politics, manage his career, things like that), I feel like I have been giving and I am not getting anything back. Sometimes, I do feel like he is not putting me in right priority in his life even though he keeps saying he loves me. For example, I am going to have C-section in 2 weeks, he called me one morning and asked if he could have a work conference call 6 days after the C-section, we have already agreed that he will need to help in taking care of the older son for the first week when the baby born because we have no friends or families here (we just moved here a few months ago and neither he and me trust just any babysitter). I was very disappointed that he would even ask, I thought he would be "sensitive" enough to know it is a crucial time for him to help me. Sometimes, I do feel like he still lives like he is a "bachelor" instead of a husband/father. I told him about how I felt, but he did not like what he heard. Am I expecting too much of him? Should I ask him change? or should I just turn a blind eye to any of his insensitivities, but then I am afriad I will eventually stay lose interest in keeping this relationship for his insensitivity does make me feel unimportant.....I am open to any comments, suggestions, views

(((((((endoftherope))))))

You must feel very hurt by your husbands lack of understanding at a time when you are exhausted. Sometimes us women continually rescue our husbands and feel we need to fill in where we think they don't measure up. Through my own experience the time your husband will spend with your 2.5 year old while you are in hospital for your c-section will awaken the reality of 'your world' . Cooking, cleaning, working day to day managing, child minding. This reality check will be short lived if you allow yourself to take over as you get on your feet again. Now is the best time to confront him with the 'I need some me time' and 'some support making our family work' as your family dynamic change with #2.

Hope it all works out, every family is different and you know your husband best. Trust you instincts. Good luck and best wishes on the safe arrival.

unfortunately that is the way most marriages are that I see. women are expected to do all that and then some it seems. no it is not fair. talk to him about how much of the responsibility you are really doing. sometimes you just have to show them how much you really are doing and how little they are doing. you too need to step back and let him do his own stuff. his meetings and his career are his hon. we as women tend to mother our husbands alot of times. talk to him hon.

Thanks for your opinion. I talked to him many times already, but it is usually only good for one or two days, then back to normal. He asked me to help him with his work, sometimes, I even tell him that he should know enough how to do his work or simply reply his own email. But he just somehow rely on me.....
Honestly, I don't want to mother him, I do want to be treated like a "little" woman who needs some pampering too.....

(((Tired 12)))

Thanks for your comments. I hope the reality check that you mentioned will really set in and help. I do look forward to the couple days there I will be in the hospital and he will know how it is like to looking after a 2.5 yrs old. May be it will help

I feel for you because I am currently going through a seperation right now with my wife and it started with a similar situation like yours. My wife tried coming to me about things she did not like and I paid little to no attention to them. I admit, I was a bad husband and I didnt notice it until she had gone outside the marriage for attention. But I would recommend going to your husband and telling him that you are very very hurt by his lack of sensitivity and you need his assistance as a husband. Let him know that as a husband, he should be there for you, not just financially, but emotionally and also to take care of the kids. Let him know you are very unhappy with his actions and it is starting to effect you. Perhaps that will be a wakeup call to him. Best of luck.

(((ncguynva)))

I tried to tall him many times and he would listen and said he felt bad and he would "behave" better for a few days, but then, changed back to his olds self again. This cycle has been going on for years. I am getting tired of his "I am sorry." "I love you and I will change" kind of lip service. Sometimes, he will even say things out of spite that really hurts. I have been very depressed and sad. I don't want divorce because I don't think it is good for the kids, but I am so unhappy for I feel like he never TRULY understand how I feel, or even TRIED to understand how I feel.... I tried to even tell him to talk to somebody else about our situation and thought may be he will listen to a third party like a friend or something, but I don't think he will ever do that for the sake of his pride.....

It's a good idea to ask for what you want.
It's really hard to be in the work world. It's brutal.
If he asks a question, answer truthfully; don't be offended that he asked; few people can really read minds.
Realize that you are especially vulnerable right now.
Ask one of your mothers to come help out with the baby.

These are just some ideas. It's wonderful that you're having another baby. That's really exciting.