[SweetSunshine]

Its been 3 months now since I have worn my wedding rings. I am not sure what that means. For months now I have been thinking that its over. But I am not sure. I have had a few close relationships thru the internet. I have felt deep things for them. Most have rejected me, after seeing that I wasnt their type . And that is ok. Whatever tricks their trigger. But I have realized one thing. That no matter where I am , who I am , or who I am with. I will be alone in this manner of having a true partnership. And for me that is not ok . For me I cant bear the rejection and the pain that comes with that. And I dont know if I am willing to put my heart out there for anyone anymore . Maybe this is what I get for doing what I have done. Maybe I deserve this loneliness and hurt. I dont know ,but I cant figure out how to get past it. I dont know how to live by myself and it terrifies me. I have never been on my own. And I am too scared to go from what I have now with a home and vehicle and my pets, to I'm not sure what. At least there is some security here. But I dont know if its enough anymore.

Tryin

[silver_queen]

Beth - I don't know what to say here, but you truly are NOT to blame for how you are feeling. You don't deserve any kind of loneliness, hurt or fear - you are too good and nice for that. I like having you as my friend here, and I am so sorry you are going through this uncertainty and self-doubt. Maybe this is something you should consider bringing up in t today.

[mj14]

Tryin,

I don't have time to write much, but I have been where you are, and have come out on the other side. So I can tell you that there is something better out there for you.

I hope we can find some time to talk in more detail about this soon. Because you don't deserve loneliness and hurt. You deserve to have a life that is fulfilling and has true love and companionship.

*hugs*
Jo

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Beth --

No one deserves loneliness and hurt. And you haven't done anything that would prompt it.

Finding a beloved is challenging. Sometimes we need time to heal.

I met a couple of men this summer -- one through online personals, the other in a coffee shop when I met that man for the first time. (Talk about when it rains, it pours).

What these experiences taught me is that I am not ready to put my heart our there again. I am still healing.

It will take as long as it takes. I am glad that I am middle-aged and my hormones are no longer flooding me with biochemical prompts and longings. It makes it easier to be alone and "find myself."

You will, too. We need to learn to be as patient and loving and kind and supportive with ourselves as our online (and offline friends and family) are with us. That can be very challenging.

You are in my prayers. (((((((((((((((((((Tryin2bMe)))))))))))))

[h0kie]

Wow...3 months. I went a week in September and it just about killed Mrhokie. Has your husband noticed? What has he said?

Anyway...staying in a relationship because you are scared to leave is not good. You know that. You are a strong woman...whether you admit it to yourself or not. We know it. If you are planning to leave in the future, start making plans now.

<ul type="square"> [*]Get your own checking account if you don't already have one. Just in your name.
[*]Start saving money so that when you leave, you have some money to keep you afloat until your get a job.
[*]Figure out what you want to do about the pets. Will he fight you for them? Decide what you are comfortable with there.
[*]If you don't have a vehicle in your name, see if its possible to do that.
[*]Let your friends know. They can help you. Whether it be by supporting you or offering you a couch to sleep on. [/list]It's time to start getting your ducks in a row. You do NOT deserve loneliness or hurt. No one does. Once you are out of your marriage, take some time to figure out who YOU are. What makes YOU happy. It's easy to love someone who loves themselves. (Not that I have that first hand experience...but I've been told )

Call or email or pm if you need us. We'll be happy to help. You CAN do this.

[SpazKatt]

*hugs*

[SweetSunshine]

((((( Silver)))))) I think alot of you too hon. Thanks so much for your support and kindness. You have become a wonderful friend too. Please take care of you too ok? Hang in there hon.

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

Ohh Gosh MJ, I wish I could see that other side. I have no way of supporting myself. I cant do hair anymore cause of my shoulder. That is why I had to quit 5 yrs ago. I dont have any other occupation to fall back on . I dont know what I would do.

Talking might help, but others have talked to me till they are blue in the face and I dont want to do that to you too! I would like to think I do deserve that. But I dont know if I do or not. It still doesnt feel like I do.

Take care , and Thanks too~
Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

Wants2, Thanks so much for your understanding also. I just feel like what I have done in going behind my husbands back like this has brought me this grief. Punishment if you will. Seems like I can find the men online or they find me. And I fall so easily for the attention they offer. There have been a couple in particular that have really brought me a peace of mind and filled my heart with laughter and fun. But neither have felt for me what I have for them. And I know that isnt always the easiest thing to do. But ohh gosh, I have put so much hope into the one now. And I feel its caused him much pressure. Its so hard to explain.

My family offers no support to me. None whatsoever. After my dad is gone I am afraid I will truly be null and void member . The most contact will be with my one sister and her son who is my godson. Other than that , I have my friends whom I have mostly isolated from my life , and all of you . I wish I knew where to begin to find myself. Heck if I could I would runaway with Kenny Chesney to the islands and see what he found there LOL!!! I bet you all get so sick and tired of me talking about him. But he is such a neat person. I cant help it!

OK well take care, thanks for your advice hon. I do appreciate it.
And It will be taken into consideration too.

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

Yee Gads Erin count on you to make me a list !!!! LOL
No I dont think he has noticed, and if he has he hasnt said anything.
I am not being abused here at all, other than maybe some ignorance on his part. Otherwise he is a good man. I just dont think we got the same goals and I dont think I love him anymore either. I think I need to get some things in order like you said. Wish I knew now what to do for sure. I just cant seem to focus on anything anymore its all a big cloud up there. Thanks for your suggestions I will keep them in mind. Thanks too Mr Hokie lol

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

Spazkatt~ Thank you hon for your hugs. ((((((SPAZ))))) back at ya Sweetie~

Hugz~
Tryin

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((Tryin))))))))))))))))))

[h0kie]

I'm a list makin fool. I know you're not being abused...but staying in a place where you aren't happy isn't good for you either. You're approaching a fish or cut bait type of decision.

It might be beneficial to talk to him. He can't fix what he doesn't know is wrong. But you know him better than me. I will bow to your judgement.

To me...it sounds like you've made your decision. You're just afraid to commit to that decision. That is totally fair! Seriously...it is time to circle the wagons so to speak.

We'll help. Let us know how.

(((((Tryin)))))

[MacD]

Just a reassurance....no one can tell you when to leave an abusive relationship - only you can decide when you're ready...But after 20 years w/the only man I had ever loved, I was petrified of the "leap". But now I know that I did the right thing and even though I'm not ready for another relationship, I've realized that I was far lonelier and my world far smaller when I was in the marriage than I am out of it. You might want to ask yourself just how much of life he deprives you of now.
Lots of love and support

[gracetoo71]

i remember when my first marriage was falling apart. i had twin 6 month old girls that i had to support, a job making just above min. wage, no savings account, and no self esteem. to this day, i really can't tell you how i found the strength to get out and free myself from my own lack of self esteem. i wish i could tell you how i did it.

but like you, once i got out, i began to cling to any man that would give me attention. i would get thoughts of what it would be like to live with them, be with them, how they would treat my kids, etc. it wasn't long before i did indeed find someone to live with but realized after a few months that i made a mistake and was back to square one. i was fortunate enough to not marry him, but the financial dependency made it almost impossible to leave. but once again, i found a way out. only this time, i didn't have a choice because the relationship became physically abusive.

the biggest thing i have had to fight myself with is keeping in mind that i do not need a man in my life. i can be alone and be happy. i am learning to deal with my feelings of loneliness and have learned that i can curb these feelings easier than the feelings i had when i felt ignored, alone, used and unimportant when i was in a relationship.

it is not easy for me. and unlike you, even at the age of 33, my hormones are worse now than they ever were. sometimes i feel as though there is something very wrong with me. i believe this has caused me to rush into things i shouldn't. i am not the average woman, who could take it or leave it. i feel more like that guy who is always thinking with the head down below instead of the one above.

i am sorry i can't tell you exactly how i have done it, but i can tell you it can be done. it isnt impossible, it may seem like it, but it isn't. have fate that one day, you will find the strength, the will, to walk away. for me, it just happened, i don't know how, but it was like i woke up one day, and it was there, the strength, the will, to walk away

i wish you all the best, and keep your head up, it will happen, you will find the strength and the will. we are all here for you. take care
gracetoo71