My sister is driving me crazy..help!

So, here's the story... and I really could use some advice, because I don't know what to do.

My sister called me yesterday and said she had talked to my husband's step mother in the store... my sister said that the stepmother said a TON of awful things about me and my husband. I mean they were AWFUL things she accused her of saying. Needless to say, my husband and I were angry and also hurt when we heard about this.

So, we decided that we would no longer have any contact with my husband's father and stepmother. It really devastated us to think that she would say these things about us. But then I sat and thought about it for awhile, and I realized that it was totally not like the stepmother to do something like that. She's never, ever said anything bad or hateful to me or about me in the 12 years that I've been with my husband. So, it just seemed unlike her to do somethig like that.

After I told my husband that I thought something was a little fishy about the whole thing, we decided to call his father and stepmother and ask about it. She was SHOCKED. She broke down in tears and swore to me that it never happened and that she would go and confront my sister with me if she needed to prove that she never said any of the things my sister accused her of saying.

My husband and I both completely believe the stepmother, and know for a fact that my sister is lying.

Now, here's where it gets sticky. My sister lives with my parents along with her 4 children. I want to confront my sister with this, but I know if I do that it will be a big argument with my parents as well... because I mentioned something about it to my mother this morning and she said that she totally believes my sister because she has no reason to lie. My parents stand behind her on ANYTHING. I would be asking for a heap of trouble from them if I confront my sister with this terrible lie she told.

A little background on my sister and the reason why she may be behaving like this... She's currently addicted to hydrocodone... she takes them up to 10 at a time... she is starting to mess with cocaine also. She's an addict.. plain and simple. I'm not making excuses for her behavior, but I believe this plays a role in why she's acting like this. She has recently stolen checks from my mother and my grandmother and cashed them to get money for her drugs. She's also stolen jewelry and other things of value from my mother.

My parents still back her up and stick beside her no matter what...so, this is my question.

Do I confront her about the lies she told that could have possibly torn my husband's relationship with his father and stepmother to shreds, or do I just let it go to avoid the massive argument it would cause between me and my parents?

Sorry this is so long... but I NEED some advice... please.

I'm so sorry your sister has these issues. Thank goodness you had a cool enough head to think it through! While my first instinct would be to confront her, you are probably better off either not saying anything or, if she asks, just say "We talked to her about it, everything's ok." Just my guess on what to do. Good luck!!

MP ,, personally I would get sis to keep talking ... then later when It all comes out in the wash ...? >> LOL. Let her fall on her own sword . hehe.

Sorry to hear about this, Jenn. I know its not easy to be objective when it comes to family. I'm glad you talked to your MiL and cleared that end up. =]

I, personally, would think about the hidden why your sister is doing it. Is she trying to get attention? Trying to get a reaction out of you? If so, why? Not that you can be positive, but usually there are subtle signs that look ordinary until you see them all together. I have a sister that is almost exactly like that. She snorts hydrocodone (which she gets by rx) and cocaine, does meth sometimes, drinks when she can. She has 2 kids, oldest is 3.5years old, younger is 1.5years old. She hasn't gone to the extreme of telling outrageous lies, yet. She used to steal from my mom alot, but since we moved in it hasn't been happening. She will thief just to do it, inconsequential things. She has my aunt always on her side, was always her favorite growing up, and my aunt gives her money, cars, pills, weed--pretty much whatever. /My/ sister just tells small lies that are easy to get away with--that if you check with the other person and mention what was said, they will usually pass it off as misunderstanding. I think my sister's is mostly a dumb power trip type thing...she does it to see if she can get away with it. She WAY over reacts when caught, stomps around, yelling, slamming doors--that kind of thing. Throwing a tantrum because she didn't get away with it, basically. So the small crap I don't worry about, she hasn't tried anything with me on a large scale yet.

Not trying to get off track, here, but have used my sister's behaviors to illustrate a way to look at. Question it--Why? Maybe she is jealous of how independant you are, or of your relationship with your husband. I have no idea if those are relevant to you or your sister, but you see what I am getting at, I hope. I don't know, that's just how I do things...and I know I'm a veryyyy small minority in most instances in regards to behavior, so if its too weird, disregard. -shrugs- I won't mind, I know I'm weird

((( cantstopcrying ))) Thank you. Yes, I've thought about not saying anything to her about it at all. I've already made it known to my parents that I think she is lying, so that's about all I can do at this point. If I confront her she's just going to make up more lies to cover the lies she's already told anyway. The drugs are really doing a number on her, and I don't think me mentioning this to her is going to change the way she perceives anything.

((( WMD ))) Yep, she's gonna bite herself in the butt. I just don't know why she picked me and my family to aim at. Makes no sense to me. But, maybe if I just let her keep at it she will end up making herself look bad in the end.

((( Beautiful_Pain ))) Yes!! You know exactly what I'm going through!! Not that I would be happy about the fact that you've had heartache and pain stemming from your sister, but at least someone knows what I'm going through. I actually DO question WHY she has done this. For one, she has always been jealous of me... even when we were kids. But, right now at this point, she's angry because I have a stable life for me and my children. She can't stand the fact that she has messed her life up so badly, and I haven't. She's 10 months older than me ( I was born 3 months premature if you're trying to figure that out...lol ) and she's treated like the baby of the family. Right now my feelings are so mixed about her... I'm angry and hurt by her, but at the same time I really feel sorry for her. She's only 29 and has 4 children and they have no type of stability at all. They've moved at least 6 times this past year, and now they're living with my parents. She's been married twice, and is still currently married to the second husband. He's the one that supplies her with the cocaine. They are "seperated" right now. I've been with the same man since I was 17 years old. She HATES that fact, and has made it known to me many times. So, I think she's causing me all this trouble because she is jealous. It doesn't make it right, though. But, I feel that there's nothing I can do to reach her. I don't know how to pull someone out of addiction, or if that's even a possibility. I just don't know. Thank you so much for your post. It helped me. And, no, I don't think you are weird!! LOL

Thanks for getting the crazy out of the situation. I admire the way you confronted the stepmother. Imagine all the ways this could have gone wrong, but you saved that relationship. Thank goodness you have one family who can be supportive. It sounds like your parents aren't able to confront the situation with your sister. It's so sad to see someone floundering so badly, tenfold for the children.