[Yack]

My fiance proposed to be 9 months ago in February. We have been together for almost 10 years. We have told everyone we were waiting to set a date until he passed a state exam for the trade he works in.

He finally passed after failing twice but didn't tell me. I found out while on facebook. He said he didn't tell me because he doesn't want me to talk about setting a date. He said he doesn't want to hear any talk of weddings.

Two weeks ago he put a large payment on a wedding band for me on layaway.

Does any of this make sense?

[salukigirl]

thats kind of odd. normally i would say actions speak louder than words but even his actions are back and forth. have you asked him why hes so iffy and fickle about it? Is he just doing this because he thinks "well weve together 10 years so I might as well" type of thing? Even if he didnt want to set a date yet you would think he would still tell you? Sorry, Im just as puzzled as you are lol

[bananasarecool]

im really really sorry if saying this causes any upset or insult. i know im not probably the best at this type of advice.. but maybe he really does love you. it sounds as if he's trying to show you that he loves you, but somehow dislikes the idea of marriage?
it seems hes trying to please you...?
Lxx

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Yack

Does any of this make sense?

While my answer is NO - it does not make any sense to me.... it must how ever make sense to your man, therefore, I say if you love him hang in there and see how things go in the next three to six months... maybe he just doesn't want to rush getting married simply because he passed his finals, but he does want to marry (in time).

[Yack]

Well it turns out everything is fine. He is worried about how we are going to pay for it.

[Brian37]

you dont have to have a traditional wedding...the county courthouse can do it for ya if you were worried about the financials....

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Yack

Well it turns out everything is fine. He is worried about how we are going to pay for it.

I agree with Brian--- weddings do not have to be expensive, large gatherings.
Courthouses work just fine. So do small religious weddings. Don't go into debt for a wedding. It's not what being married is all about.
Good luck with you!

[Yack]

Originally Posted by Simcha

I agree with Brian--- weddings do not have to be expensive, large gatherings.
Courthouses work just fine. So do small religious weddings. Don't go into debt for a wedding. It's not what being married is all about.
Good luck with you!

Here's the latest...so I don't do any wedding planning because it makes me upset, due to the money. That's what I was talking about before.

I made the mistake of entering a win a wedding contest that required me to go to the reception hall in order to enter. We could have 80 people for just under $5,000 including tax and tip.

So I called my inlaws and they said you better talk to your father...(who will not pay).

It ruined my entire day.

can someone talk me into the courthouse thing? My mother says "don;t do that" but won't help us pay.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by Yack

We could have 80 people for just under $5,000 including tax and tip.

can someone talk me into the courthouse thing? My mother says "don;t do that" but won't help us pay.

My wedding and reception cost only $2000, dress and all and I earned the money by working an extra job for just a few months. It was a small wedding with a pot luck reception. No frills, but still a real wedding. Of course, the courthouse thing appealed to me, too. If it weren't for family, we might have gone that route.

Wishing you the best...

[seeker1950]

Yack...I'm sorry you are having to struggle with this issue of money regarding the wedding. Personally, I think a simple ceremony with a justice of the peace at the courthouse is preferable. I really do!
You said, "can someone talk me into the courthouse thing? My mother says "don;t do that" but won't help us pay. " Then neither your mother nor the inlaws should have a say in whatever your choice.

I have to add my 2 cents here about weddings in general. Society seems to put more and more emphasis, with the reality TV shows about expensive weddings, etc. That is yuck and double yuck! It's not what it's all about, hunnybunny. The wedding vows are a commitment to each other, and the cost is unimportant.

Just last summer, a high school friend's son had a $50,000 wedding. The girl insisted on it, and her parents paid the whole bill. Now, less than a year later, the girl has kicked the boy out and is divorcing him!

You have known your fella for 10 years. When I read your initial post in this thread, a red light came on for me. Are the two of you "in sync" regarding money and finances. I'm a little concerned for you regarding this.

Patty

[salukigirl]

heres a suggestion.... if you guys really want to get married now then do it. small wedding, courthouse... however you want. then... when you have saved up a little bit of money you can renew your vows and have a big wedding if you still want one.

if you get a few years down the road and think "man, i wish we could have had a big wedding" then youll be more prepared to do it. while right now, all you guys really want is that commitment to each other. and people renew their vows all the time. plus, if its not the first run you wont be so anxious and nervous with "oh my god what is going to go wrong on my wedding day?" youll be more relaxed and more able to plan it the way you want.

and remember... the more expensive it is and the more stuff you have, the more room there is for something to go wrong. whereas if its you, your immediate family and his immediate family in a courthouse room... what can go wrong there?

so i suggest to have the small wedding. and a few years down the road when you both have a little more money, if you decide you wanted a big to-do the whole time, do it then. i agree that its not worth going into massive debt over.