![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
I seem to no longer be able to trust people, which obviously is affecting my desire to even have any relationships/friendships or people around me. I don't even know what this is, but lately I've felt like there's a lot under the surface of everyone I deal with, that they aren't being truthful to my face or with their words, that they know more about me than they are letting on and gathering information on me without me knowing about them doing it and then making off-handed comments here and there. It didn't help matters when I got an IM from someone I barely know the other day making a comment about something I swear they can't possibly know about me by searching the Internet, and I thought they didn't know anyone that I know, but then I started wondering if maybe they are playing games and not telling me they know someone I know who can see my "protected" social networking profiles. One person I know REALLY triggers this stuff within me as it seems like he really cannot ever have a straightforward conversation to begin with and I feel that he is incredibly manipulative to get what he wants from others and plays mind games to hint at what he wants, but as soon as you ask him if it's what he wants, he will immediately deny it. Another friend of mine has had a drinking/drug problem for awhile and I've finally suspected it is a lot worse than he's ever told me and I'm sick of him hiding it from me.
I've lately just mostly isolated myself but if I start thinking about any of this, I want to shake the raw, straightforward truth out of everyone I know. And I really do mean I want to shake them, I get extremely angry thinking about any of it and want to make them tell me the truth about everything, because it seems like they aren't. I want to yell at people about how they are liars and I'm sick of mind games and illusions they play. In fact, earlier tonight someone I knew confided in me that she ENJOYS going behind backs of people and setting up lawsuits with them over the most frivolous things, total dishonesty and abuse of the system...the utter backhandedness and illusion of niceness out of this disgusting person triggered in me such intense rage that bashing her over the head with a rock repeatedly would have been refreshing. The problem is that rationally, logically, my mind thinks the way I am feeling is absolutely abnormal. Plus my intense irritation with almost everyone I come into contact with lately and wanting to hurt them is definitely not. I have absolutely no idea what this is, or what is even causing it, I'm sure it sounds like there's triggers in what I wrote above but it's really a longer-standing pattern that has for whatever unknown reason intensified beyond comfort. |
#2
|
||||
|
||||
salix,
i honestly don't know one thing that i can say that would help you. i can see this troubles you very much and it does sound like some extreme thoughts. if you are in therapy i think this is important thing to talk to him/her about. i've had times where my trust in folks has been badly damaged but eventually i find my balance again where i can know that some can be trusted and others i need to watch out for. i hope someone else has some better ideas to help you get through this problem. it's awful lonely going through life trusting no one at all.
__________________
![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() salix11
|
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Have you ever been in therapy? You sound like you may have PTSD or bipolar or schizo-affective disorder. I have those diagnoses&I feel that way about people all the time. I've been burned so many times it's not funny-people really are that bad sometimes. Look up the diagnoses on PCs Ask,Resources or Answers. Get some info&really look at what you're doing&at what other people are doing. If you really look you can tell if you're just being paranoid or if people are really this way. When you're sick you don't always see the red flags or know how to deal with this sort of stuff. If people are being the way you think they are, you have every right to be angry. Who needs that kind of BS when life is hard enough already? You may also want to really look at how your "friends" are&see if you still want to associate them. No one is perfect, but if they're doing what you say they're doing, do you really want them in your life?
![]()
__________________
I am a 39 year old female that is diagnosed with bipolar disorder,anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress syndome. I'm on disability and often have no one to talk to when I'm not feeling so good. So please contact me if you'd like to talk or share or vent. I'm listening! |
![]() salix11
|
#4
|
|||
|
|||
I have been a professional car salesman for many years. I have some wonderfull customers who I now consider friends but there are dishonest and downright mean people out there too. My experience is that there are more of the former and it is my nature to believe people until I find reason not to. To quote a former president, "Trust but verify.".
|
![]() salix11
|
#5
|
|||
|
|||
mountainhigh, I like your way of thinking about people. I notice that if I'm out in public for a long time (like at an event) I do see that generally, there are more people that are 'good' than there are 'evil.' I'm also currently working somewhere where almost everyone is likable in some way, there are only a few troublemakers. I think it is something I just have to work on and will feel more comfortable with over time and will work on with a therapist when I can pay for it.
skymonk, interesting you should bring up PTSD, I was diagnosed with it in 2003, and when I went back for therapy in 2007, I was apparently still suffering from it. It's likely that I am on and off. But yeah, a lot of how I feel likely stems from abusive parents for one, and just a string of bad relationships over time too. I picked up a book on boundaries recently and realized that a lot of my trust issues and extreme resentment and anger at others (which rarely gets released - I don't actually act it out) is because I lack good boundaries and am so passive. I've realized that so many people have told me I'm "nice" and it's been from people who have walked all over me and I didn't know what to do about it. So boundaries is definitely something to work on. Already knowing that's a big problem has been a relief for me in some ways, and brought new anger up in other ways. Also, what you said about being objective is really helpful. I can be sooo reactive and emotional and hypervigilante at times and think someone is attacking me when they are not. I sat back since when you first replied and tried looking objectively at situations with friends, sure enough there is one who I really shouldn't be friends with anymore, and the others are just friends in off-times or going through their own troubles that day but are usually really helpful and friendly. It's helped me make peace within quite a few times already and feeling a bit more stable. But yeah, I think therapy again is a solid solution. Even though I'm figuring some things out on my own, it is overwhelming to see such huge things to learn looming overhead. I can't repair my boundaries on my own, and need someone neutral to talk to about how angry I am and the abuse I've dealt with. |
Reply |
|