our relationship - the communication

as mny may know i am having relationship issue's with my gf now after 17 yrs of being adopted she just met her real mom so i can understand having to spend time with her real MOM more then me alright well what is bothering me the most is she says one thing but does another like last night she said after church which was at like 5 or 6 pm she would call me right well 11pm i call her to c wht happend come to find out she blew me off to talk with her MOM YET ONCE AGAIN well she said she would call after she was done with her mom pushing me aside as usual lately well here it is 2 am the next day she stilll did NOT call back so it is like she lied to me not once but 2 TIMES IN 1 DAY i feel as if we are losing all comunication between us ever since she met her mom things have been different between us we dnt talk as much nothing almost as if im ghost i love her and understand she needs time cuz this is a big deal to her i mean 17 yrs of not knowing ur real mom is hard but u shouldnt lie to the ones who love u and have been there all along pushing them out of ur life like the last 10 mnths i have done evrything possible to make her happy and bamb on day she meets her mom and begins to forget about me as the days go bye like evrything i have and am doing to make her happy means nothing to her and YES DONT GET ME WRONG HERE like i said i can understand tht all this is a big part of her life but what am i chop liver she is even doing it to her adopted parents forgetting tht for those last 17yrs they were the ones who raised her as there own child and loved her as i love her now i do my best to stay by her side but she doesnt communicate very well with me i understand this is a hard time for her and she needs space i even offered to let her go a couple days with out me talking her ears off and she turned it down i think she could have used tht day or so to think and organize her thoughts have a girls night out or something big thing is i feel as if im constanly being lied to i got to do this and that when for real she is on the fone chatting with her mom maybe once in awhile she actually does have to do something i can understand she has a life to and needs time and such just be honest about it an say u know i want to be left alone for a day or so i would understand and give her tht time she needs but HONESTY is the KEY to all relationships if u dont have tht u dnt have a relation same with communication i think we lack trust in one another sometimes any advice would be helpful thnks

Bones ,,, Ya kinda say it at the end there >> " I think we lack trust in one another sometimes......"

Ya not have to go there really ,,, since this sounds more of/about >>.. missing a peep . LOL. Get use to it . I learned long ago >> what we may think or believe is irrelevant ,, so as the Sweet heart in our lives know how we feel about them . They are just fine .

Us guys on the other hand seem to need the constant re-enforcement ; comes with the genetic code thingy . [ we immature ] LOL.

Why not get your mind wrapped around this ,, since it is what you said you could deal with .......Just make it a few days of let her be ,,, and ya know >> 17 years is a long time to catch up on . :O .

So quit pineing away and take care of a small project that you may have been putting off .

Looks over at bathroom I been wanting to repaint .....Grrrrrrrr...hehe.
Back to the computer >>>>...

WMD.

I'm in the same situation as you gf, I haven't seen my birth Mother in 17 years, after being put in foster care, then adopted into a horrific family - but that's beyond the point - I barely see my Mother, but she calls me every weekend, I remember she used to call me every day and I got so fed up with it, because I just never got a moment's peace.. How long has your gf been talking to your Mum for? I mean.. A week, month, year? Because I know it took a few months for my Mum to back off. She still hasn't now and still begs me to go and see her, just doesn't understand my financial situation as I live alone.

Has your gf been to actually visit her real Mum? That might help.. Maybe a day or 2 with her will help things and if you meet her too, after a while.. When things simmer down a little. This is what happened with me and my bf not long ago, so I can tell you now. It will get easier.. Her Mum, just wants to make up for the 17 years she lost.For the 17 years she didn't get to even have photos of her, or letters from her, let alone a phonecall. She wants to make up for the years of not being able to spoil her little girl. You know?

Can you try and understand that? I can see exactly where you're coming from, honey, I really can. But maybe just a little space for your gf and her Mum might help. Try and be there With your gf, not against her.. If anything, you speak to her Mum on the phone, just tell her who you are and such. It always helps to make Mum's feel accepted. I did the same with my bf and it worked wonders, my Mum's now asking when we're going to be getting married! lol.

I hope this helps

Take care

TPND

ok pain she just went to go visit her mom over xmas and they took having to leave real hard it was difficult for them to look at each other and have to ssay goodbye once more now i have talked with her mom also she doesnt really like talking to me so much i have this impression tht her mom dissapproves of me for some reason once i told my gf that we should take a break she called her mom crying telling her tht i got mad becuz she was talking with her mom not the case wht happend was she had been on the phone with me for like 5 min. then her mom called her cell she immediatly ran to answer and told me she had to go cuz her mom was more important i TRY MY HARDEST to make this WORK i want IT TO i really do I LOVE HER ALOT SHE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME but sometimes it seems like she may not feel the same i am sure its just this whole thing with her mom and alll coming back into her life after 17yrs but i been with her going on 10 mnths and have done everything humanly possible to make this girls wildest dreams come true i have bent head over heals backwards for her i truely hope that we can work things out i just dont know anymore the closer she gets to her mom the further apart she gets from me that is how it seeems lately

wmd u know what i think your right man its like everything u said was true i have some projects to do of my own also like house tht needs cleaning tht will take a mnth lol u kinda put things into perspective for me thnks

You Got It Homs.

I know how it feels to be thrown over for someone new. It really hurts. My Mom has done it to me all my life-everything&everyone has been/was always more important than me-her only child&only daughter. I don't know what to tell you except give it time, don't issue ultimatums(her or me)&try to continue to be as sensitive&supportive as you have been. This is a big change in her life, hence in your life. Hang in there-she may find that her Mom is not as nice as she initially seems&that if she thinks about it, life without you may be more than she could take. She's just excited&that will wear off-I guarantee it.

well thnks evry1 who replied with advice and opinions we have since then came to a understanding as to how we feel about this and i think the new year will be better for us even more so then the last year