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#1
Jan 02, 2009, 03:17 AM
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My bf left to go to Iran for a month to visit his dieing grandma...I understood this and I still love him very much and I have feelings for him. Since he went away...I was feeling lonely...and I guess I was forgetting how much I cared for him. One of the guys living with our homestay was really interested in me...and kept chasing me. I kept pushing him away saying I had a bf. He wouldn't listen to me. I felt lonely...so i would watch movies with him alone. I was kind of scared of the idea of this...he would ask me to join him...I thought we could just be friends. He kept holding my hand and touching my belly...until he kissed me on the lips...By this time I gave up trying to push him away and let him have his way with me. After this he asked me if I had feelings for him...I thought I did because he filled my lonely void....then i realised after talking to my bf on the phone that I truly missed my bf and didn't really have those feelings for him. Now the homestay keeps kissing and touching me..I try to push him away but he gets upset. He told me that he's afraid of me breaking his heart and wants me to share the same feelings. I wish he would just leave me alone...he is really needy and clingy and always bugs me...what do I do...I don't want to break his heart but he's really annoying
__________________
 "...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2)  |
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#2
Jan 02, 2009, 06:48 AM
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you need to tell him that 'no means no' and that you can't continue to do this anymore. he is a big boy and will eventually understand. also, he tried to do this whilst knowing you had a boyfriend. that's not the sort of guy i would want to be kissing - someone who can't respect other relationships. he will be upset at first but will move on.
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 myoasis89
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#3
Jan 02, 2009, 04:47 PM
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Quote:
 ...I told him last night that I don't have the same feelings for him...he keeps slipping I love you notes under my door 
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#4
Jan 02, 2009, 05:54 PM
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Tell him to stop - pestering you, stop the letters, stop the touching.
Better - try not to be around him at all. |
| myoasis89
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#5
Jan 02, 2009, 06:35 PM
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how long has this guy known you? enough to call it "love"?! and then he is trying to put down your relationship of 8 months. i think he sounds very immature.
you aren't responsible for his feelings, you are only responsible to you (and maybe to those you love - your boyfriend). like rose said, tell him to stop pestering you. that you won't stand for more contact. how long will he be living with you? how long until your boyfriend returns? |
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#6
Jan 02, 2009, 09:46 PM
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He kept touching me when i told him to stop. I said I have a bf...he said we could just be friends...believed that...he would bang on my door some nights...before this all happened...and would all my name...he would constantly harrass me...I would go upstairs in the kitchen and put his arms around my waist...I would push him away and he wold get upset...i would call this sexual harrassment...he would tell me that I'm only dating my bf for his money or car...he kept saying that if he should study being a doctor and have a nice car so i would date him...really I think this is manipulative. I've already been stressed out with other things in my life...I don't ahve many friends to start with...so I thought that we could just be friends...also I'm 19...and this is a new learning experience for me...I've never had a guy chase me like that before...and it made me feel as though maybe my bf doesn't love me as much as he does...this guy is older than me by the way...so he was taking advantage of this...telling me that 8 months is nothing and that it was time for me to move on...thanks to those who support my decision to stay with my current bf...I now realise that this guy was taking me for a ride...telloing me he loved me over and over...never will i fall for that again
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"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) Last edited by sabby; Jan 02, 2009 at 11:17 PM. Reason: Administrative Edit |
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#7
Jan 02, 2009, 11:34 PM
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dang! I would say you are in a pickle! how long has the bf been gone now? is there any way you could move out or complain to someone about this guy?
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#8
Jan 03, 2009, 12:06 AM
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I admit that part of this situation is my fault...I should have never slept with him...or even hung out with him. My insecurities got the best of me. After I told him that I didn't have the same feelings. I went to bed...I heard him bang something on the floor...I had the worst feeling after that when i went to bed...because I thought he was really upset and I got scared. The next morning...I woke up and I saw that he slipped an I love you note under my door. I feel like he is stalking me.
Before I told him that I had no feelings for him...he told me that he used to walk by my door and just smell my perfume. He asked if he could spray my perfume on his stuffed animal.. now I'm really nervous...I don't want to leave because this is the best place I've stayed in. The rent is not too expensive. My parents are paying my rent and I don't want them to pay anymore. I can't really complain...because I don't want my landlord thinking I'm a slut for sleeping with him...I don't realy know what to do...
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#9
Jan 03, 2009, 12:35 AM
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Quote:
I seriously suggest you move out. It's not the "fair" option, but is much safer/easier than trying to force him to move out. Could your parents/friends/siblings put you up for a while if you explain the situation to them? He has, and is going to continue to have, easy access to you while you live with him. And trust me, he WILL harass you, because he believes he has the right to whatever he wants. End the friendship; a guy like him will never be able to "just be friends". Friends respect each other's feelings; this guy is only interested in giving you the old bait and switch. Don't be alone with him; don't give him the chance to hit on you. Don't be nasty, but don't be warm at all either. Guys like him can be pretty resourceful at misinterpreting "kindness" with "flirting" or "sending mixed signals". Make sure that you stay cool and calm around him; there's a good chance that this guy is skilled at manipulating through fear and anger as well. Don't panic but make sure you lock your doors and watch your back; as of right now you have no clue just how deep this guy's personality flaws run. If you ever find him drunk GET YOURSELF TO A SAFE PLACE IMMEDIATELY. Make sure you don't put yourself in danger while getting there. People's behavior obviously does not improve with alcohol. Go out, make some friends, get involved in clubs and stuff. You're obviously very lonely, and lonely people are vulnerable. It's unfortunate, but there are jerks out there looking for easy targets. Without friends you lack a social network to support you and you are too likely to excuse bad behavior. Make sure you learn from these mistakes. There are a lot of very good men out there, but be wary of the "let's be friends" line; sometimes it's flat out deception so the guy can attempt to worm his way into the girls life/pants. Remember; it's better to have no friends than to have dangerous or manipulative friends. And the faster you get out of a bad friendship, the better. Best of luck to you. 
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| myoasis89
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#10
Jan 03, 2009, 02:14 AM
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thanks for the reply...I have been feeling lonely, and I shouldn't rely on someone who does not truly care for me as a friend...I will keep your words in mind...this helps me think about other relationships in my life
...there was another guy doing the same thing...I told him I wanted friendship...he said I could have whatever our relationship would turn out to be...basically he was saying...if I make a move on you...either you choose to accept it or not...I just want someone to hang out with...unfortunately...I find it harder to become close with women...
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"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#11
Jan 09, 2009, 07:54 PM
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Welcome to www.youthinbc.com, Kayla Deceight will be right with you.
Kayla Deceight Hi Nicole nicole hey Kayla Deceight How are things going for you today? nicole I'm having a big issue right now,,,my bf left ot go to iran for a month to see his family...i renting a room at a philipino household and there is another boy living there as well nicole I have trouble forming friendships nicole and this other guy seemed friendly nicole and I thought he would jsut want to be friends nicole my bf warned me abbout him and I didn't listen...and hung out with him Kayla Deceight It seems like you are stressed out about this other guy nicole and now the guy who lives with me wants a relaitonship...i told him i had no feelings for him nicole yah Kayla Deceight So Im guessing this is a tough situation for you because your boyfriend isnt in the same place you are and you are looking to form new friendsships but this guy wants more than you do nicole I told my bf what happened..and i told my landlord nicole my bf got relaly upset nicole and was like...why didn't you listen to me nicole I was relaly depressed because it was druing the holidays nicole and I've never had a best friend nicole and I thought this guy would be my best friend nicole at least it felt like it Kayla Deceight I can imagine you must be pretty hurt because you were looking for a best friend not a new boyfriend Kayla Deceight and that it must be hard because your boyfriend doesnt understand the situation you're in nicole yah...says that he trust me...but he was asking why I would even care about this guys feelings nicole he didn't understand why I jsut didn't ignore him nicole because this guy kept feeling me up nicole and I told him to stop nicole because I have a bf Kayla Deceight It seems that your worried about the way your boyfriend is reacting and hes not really getting you nicole yah...the mexican had no family here for the holidays either nicole so I thought we were in the same boat nicole so i would keep him comapny nicole company* Kayla Deceight sounds like you were looking for someone to hang out with Kayla Deceight someone who could understand you and keep you company while your boyfriend was away nicole yah Kayla Deceight so im just wondering..what have you done in the past when you feel uncomfortable around someone nicole I've just dealt with it nicole I felt uncomfortabel around a teacher once nicole i felt I had no one to go to nicole and my parents didn't listen to me Kayla Deceight It seems as though you feel really lonley right now and dont have anyone to talk to that will listen to you Kayla Deceight you mentioned that in the past you have just dealt with the feelings of uncomfort...i was wondering if you could think of any ways you may be able to deal with it better nicole I just feel like I am bothering people if I do nicole or people jsut don't listen to me nicole I don't feel like i've ever had anyone relaly care about how I feel Kayla Deceight I can imagine you must bee isolated and alone since you feel no one listens to you Kayla Deceight feel* nicole yah nicole I told this guy i don't know how many times that I just wanted to be friends Kayla Deceight Sounds like you are gettin frustrated with this guy because he isnt listening to you about what you want nicole yah...I've had that happen with another guys as well nicole I have troubles forming relationships with girls nicole and I just feel like I've been forgotten Kayla Deceight Seems like there is alot going on for you right now...I was just wondering what the biggest issue today was? nicole I don't really know...I have a bunch of issues I guess...I've always been told I was normal nicole and no one has ever cared about the pain i feel Kayla Deceight It sounds as if you feel that people are not caring about you as much as you would like them to nicole yah Kayla Deceight How do you get by everyday with these feelings? Is there anything you do to make yourself feel better? nicole i was feeling better when i was talking with the mexican and doing things nicole i thought he was my bfriend Kayla Deceight Im getting the feeling you are really looking for someone to be your best friend and be there for you, and I can imagine its really disappointing and frustrating when you are getting these responces from people this is just a convo with an online counsellor...this might help to make my situation a lot clearer
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#12
Jan 10, 2009, 11:59 PM
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You need to tell him loud and clear that you do not have feelings for him and that you never will. Don't even make this about the fact that you have a boyfriend. Make it about the fact that you do NOT have feelings for him. It sounds to me that even if you were single you wouldn't go for this guy. But by you telling him that you are happy in your relationship and discussing the relationship with him, he's probably thinking that the only thing standing in his way is your boyfriend. He probably is hanging on, waiting for the relationship to end, and who knows, could possibly do something stupid to try to break you up.
You letting him touch your stomach and kiss you most likely gave him the wrong idea (even though you just did it to not hurt his feelings) Don't give mixed signals, give very clear signals that it's not going to happen. Try to hang out with your friends and family and keep yourself busy so you don't feel lonley. |
| myoasis89
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#13
Jan 11, 2009, 02:16 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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