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#1
Jan 21, 2009, 03:20 PM
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I have been with my fiance' for 10 years and we have 3 children together. I have diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and Anxiety but am currently off all my medication due to the side effects. Here is my problem once in a while I obsess over his past relationships. I ask him detailed questions about every single girl he had a relationship with. I ask him detailed questions regarding sexual experiences down to did they have a washer and dryer, who cooked and cleaned and who drove. Everytime we try something new either sexually or just doing something with the kids I always ask, "did you do this with anyone esle". It is driving me crazy because I cant make it stop if I try I get real hot, dizzy, irritible and start crying. Then when he does answer me I accuse him of lying to me and I demand the truth and get real angry. I dont want to obsess about this anymore. I have been with for 10 years why should his past bother me like this when I had relationships before him? I love him dearly but I feel like pulling my hair out. It seems I want him to tell me all his past relationships were horrible. Then when he answers me I feel sick to my stomache, I just want this to go away. Please help me.
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#2
Jan 21, 2009, 04:46 PM
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I have diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and Anxiety but am currently off all my medication due to the side effects.
Sounds like your in a lot of pain! Does this happen when your on your medications? Go to your doctor, be honest, and maybe work on the correct medication combination, etc. Until then correct your thinking, he is with you not anyone else. We all have been with others. I am not going to be the first for anyone!!! Been there already and did it! LOL Besides, the first wasn't fun or that good! Stay in the here and now. Live today. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you start thinking negatively. But get seen by your doctor. Remember you are NUMBER ONE because he chooses to be with you. Agape4us
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Update: Living without any medications after 16 years do to mindfulness meditation and mindful psychotherapy. (Previously given many wrong diagnosis.) Currently in mindful psychotherapy. Pursuing neuro feedback to increase functioning of right side of the brain, as trauma causes deficits in the brain. Will update when I know the results!!! Keep on researching to increase healing and happiness. Buddhism is my path. 
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 DSweet1978
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#3
Jan 21, 2009, 05:18 PM
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do you think you could show this post to him? it might help him understand a bit better, too, and be supportive of you.
also, i understand going of all medications due to side effects, but would it be possible to at least stay on one? even if it doesnt help completely, it could help somewhat. |
| DSweet1978
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#4
Jan 21, 2009, 05:29 PM
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I think back in horror at how insecure I was with my husband. I found pictures of him partying with girls and other guys, shortly after we were married. My reaction to these pictures was irrational, but he quickly disposed of them. I was so insecure! I look back on this now, many years later, married to him for 20 years without one incident to cause concern, and realize how insecure and irrational I was. We're divorced now, and I dated several men after the divorce, during which I also exhibited similar behaviors. Looking back on it now, it was all so unnecessary.
You've been with him for 10 years, have children with him. It does sound like you might benefit from counseling or adjusted medication. Sometimes we NEED the medication and counseling. I was on various SSRI's for 17 years. I just managed to wean off Paxil during a two year decrease, but I am not one to advise going off medications if they are beneficial. I do recognize the behaviors you are describing. It sounds like you have a good and patient man in your life. Try to assess what you are doing and what can be done to alleviate some of the doubts and anxiety you are experiencing. Patty |
| DSweet1978
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#5
Jan 21, 2009, 07:13 PM
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I'm no doctor, but have you discussed the possibility of OCD with your doctor? OCD to me was a Monk type person, but as my doctor explained it to me if you are unable to stop a behavior and the consequences of not being able to complete it are those you describe.
Other than that I would recommend you speak to a therapist to determine WHY these things are so important to you. No one beyond the age of 18 (perhaps younger) comes into a relationship with a clean slate. We all have baggage. I know the frustration with medication, it may take a long time but eventually you will find one or more that will help and have side effects you can live with.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
| DSweet1978
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#6
Jan 21, 2009, 07:40 PM
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I am sitting here in a daze because I can not make it stop. When he does answer me I accuse him of lying. If he says he dont remember I make him remember by going it over and over. I have made him go back 10-25 years and try to make him remeber. I feel like I am going crazy.
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#7
Jan 22, 2009, 11:12 PM
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...."feel like I am going crazy."....you posted.
i agree with some of the posts about seeing your pdoc re trying some new meds that possess less side effects. your obsessing about his past relationships,etc. is clearly something that is bothering you and also your relationship. whatever the dx is, meds can reduce this anxiety and obsession that is controlling you right now. the ball is in your court. only you can decide, but i think you got some good suggestions in these posts. let us know how you're doing, k?
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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