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#1
Jan 27, 2009, 01:11 AM
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I'm new to this site and I'm not sure what drew me to it but I have been through a lot lately. My wife who I have known for 5 years and have been married to for 6 months has been cheating on me with one of my work friends. I found this out on December 23rd, 2008. I work in a high school with this guy with whom she cheated on me with. I also coached with this person and we would frequently go out to dinner or go over their house. My wife is 26 and this guy is 45...married...and has 3 kids. What is worse is that one of his kids is in her class as she is a 5th grade teacher in the same district. One would figure that there were problems in our marriage but there wasn't at all. She can't even give me an answer as to why she did this. I've been stabbed in the back and stabbed in the heart all at the same time. In "normal" circumstances with people and their personal lives, work can become an escape, but instead for me, is a living hell. I can't go anywhere without a reminder of what has happened to me. I did nothing but shower her with love and my wife and friend are completely contrite and obviously sorry for what has happened. But it doesn't change anything. This was also going on for 6 months so when you do the math....it was going on right even before we were married. Her parents, friends, co-workers etc. are all shocked and on my side. We were the perfect couple....everyone looked at us that way. Now, it is a living nightmare and one in which not only my personal life is affected but also my professional career. I'm just so lost right now. It's been one month since I've figured this all out and I guess I'm doing as ok as I can be for now, but it still hurts. I am just at a loss for how unbelievable the situation is. Anyway, I just wanted to introduce my situation and I'm not even sure where I belong in terms of the categories. Depression, grief, PTSD, etc. I just don't know. I couldn't write a worst script for a story if I tried. But it's my life right now and it's a reality. Any support is appreciated. Thanks...
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#2
Jan 27, 2009, 09:09 AM
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I'm so glad you found us! As you'll discover, PC is a wonderful, warm and welcoming place. Hopefully by posting more and reading previous threads you'll get some advice to help you. For now, pretty much all I can suggest is for the two of you--individually and together should consider seeking counselling. I know your heart is broken and for that I am sorry.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#3
Jan 28, 2009, 01:02 AM
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Aww I'm sooooo sorry. That must be a very difficult situation to be in.
I think you need to decide whether you will get past it or not.. and if she is sorry for what she did.. I mean you have to figure out whether you'll ever trust her again and if you can overcome it. If not, then stop suffering and just leave her. I know it's not that easy.. it'll take time.. im so sorry..
__________________
 You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes
Well you just might find You get what you need |
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#4
Jan 28, 2009, 09:11 AM
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#5
Jan 28, 2009, 10:14 AM
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Your wife has put you in a difficult position. You say you must work with this guy with whom she had an affair? Is this ended...are they no longer involved in an affair with each other? You say they are "sorry and contrite" for what happened. You are reeling from the hurt of this, I understand. Going thru with divorce proceedings? Keep us posted here on PC as to your decision.
Patty |
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#6
Jan 28, 2009, 10:18 AM
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I hope you have had time to think this out and believe this is what you need to do. If it is, then I'm proud of you for making such a tough decision. Is there no way that you can request the school board to transfer him? Remember to keep posting as you need to throughout this process, there are a lot of people here who can relate to your pain.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#7
Jan 29, 2009, 08:11 AM
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#8
Jan 29, 2009, 08:17 AM
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In terms of the school board and getting him transferred, there are some grey areas with this situation. Unfortunately this scumbag has rights too I guess and they try to separate private issues from work issues. However I have explained that even though this is a private issue, it is most certainly a work issue as well. I believe they are exploring it further but just like any major corporation or school district, they are tip-toeing and making sure they can't get any legal flack back. Everyone keeps telling me that this situation will work itself out and that this is only the beginning as my school district central office has only known about this for a week. I am just kinda sitting here as I wait for the ripples of people who know and the wave is spreading fast. I just don't know what I'm going to do when that wave spreads into the student population. I know that I can hold up my head high and I know that I have done nothing wrong, but it still stinks. I thank you for all your support. |
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