My mother. Again.

Well i thought I was at the end of my rope already lately. It turns out the end of the rope was a little farther than I thought. I just threw my mother out of my house when she was supposed to be "helping" me.

i just threw mom out

and told her she needs to face up to the fact that she has serious issues and needs help
Oh god.. i dont know.. I am severely depressed. I realized that when she was here.

I am in a **** *** mood and dealing with her constant nagging/*****ing/cursing, i just sort of lost it.

It all started when she tried to comfort me and she touched me on the shoulders, you know like to to pat me.

And i HATE being touched. I dont like it, comes from being abused and not having a choice over being touched.

I dont like hugging mostly(depends on the person though) I dont like comforting touching, its just not something i like

so i said "dont touch me please"

and then she started to go off the handle

going on about how she cant do anything right and would be better off dead and yadda yadda yadda

and thats when i sort of lost it because she spent the entire time she was here *****ing at me for the house being messy

so she proceeded to start screaming and yelling, and throwing things, hitting herself in the face and hitting the walls.

talking about how nothing she did was ever right, how everyone jumps down her throat all the time

so i asked her if she thought maybe there was a reason for that, and said she has issues and needs help

she said she doesnt have issues, people give her issues

there is nothing wrong with her, its everyone else that has the problem

I just told her she had to leave if she was going to act like that because she made jer cry

When i asked her to stop yelling she said she would stop yelling when i start listening to her about keeping my house clean

and then she brought up how i havent forgiven her for beating me as a child and such and how she had apologized(she did, but it was a **** apology, like honestly you could tell she didnt really mean it.. she even has admitted this to me)

she thinks just because she helps me its going to magically make a whole ****** childhood go away

nonetheless, Im sorry, but i refuse to deal with her anymore. Shes going to have to get help. I will muck through and deal with jer the best I can for now, ask my aunt for help if needed.

I am just done. I cant deal with her AND my issues too

its just too much for me.

I just don't think that I should have to put up with moms bad behavior just because she has issues.. its NOT an excuse.

she needs to face up to the fact that shes got issues and deal with it. And the only way she is going to do that is if i go tough love on her.

It is bad enough that im dealing with depression and anxiety and having a hard time with jeremy right now. I don't need her "help" if it comes in the form of her coming over here and either nagging me about the house or acting like a snotty teenager(not that all teens are snotty, because they aren't). I have to parent a 1 year old, i don't need to parent her too.

I am just REALLY AT THE END OF MY ROPE.

(((Rain))) I am so sorry that you reached out for help and got more grief.

I understand how you feel.
I tried to reach out to my mom a couple of times. She only took me to the doctor once, but other than that she adds on to it by yelling at me about being messy and always just being sad. How is it my fault?
I totally understand you... I'm here for anything

(((((((((((( Rain )))))))))))))))

I'm sorry hon that you are having to deal with all of this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can really think of is to work on yourself for you and Jeremy and do what you have to do in order to survive and grow.

Keeping you close in my thoughts.....


sabby

You have to look after yourself you are the most important person in this as without you who will look after Jer ?

Take time for yourself hun......

Doing what you did sounds like you are taking first steps in helping yourself. That's very important and I am proud of your strength. Your life is about you and the boundaries you create to keep your life "yours".

I understand what you're going through with this. My mom has never phisically hurt me, but the emotional stuff is enough. I'm only 18 years old right now, so I don't know what's going to happen when I finish school and move out, but I'm already planning on not talking to her if I can help it to avoid situations like the one you just described. Taking care of yourself is most important.

(((( Rain )))) I'm so sorry your mother is like that. Mine was much like that, too. I had to just cut ties with her for awhile to keep myself from being dragged down even further than I was at that time. I think you made a wise choice making her leave.... especially since she was acting like that in front of Jer. It's time for you to take care of YOU.. do what's best for yourself and that precious little boy you have. I'm always here if you need to talk.

Hugs, Jenn

Rainzz ,, If you happen to come to a point where you have to re-consider >. your wants ATM ,, [ for whatever reason ] ,, I would set one rule in place >> * No Button Pushing * >>,,, In other words ,, say >> " If the house needs a move this here and that there " ,, Take the time to relax ,, take a breath ,, and smile at your mom ,, and hand her something to fold >> or help dust ,, [ ?? ] ,, Involve her to the point where she may for a moment feel useful .... Even if it is YOU doing the initiate thingy ....

This is Just in case suggestion >. to try >> * IF * ...
WMD.