I'm feeling used

I take situations too far--I ask for things that I really don't want and suffer for it. Tonight I was upset because my boy friend was too tired to go do something. I was upset, I took it too far. We started arguing and saying things we thought we meant. He told me he didn't care how I feld, I told him he was heartless and he told me that if I wanted him to be heartless, that he would--"he met someone." I was crushed. My whole exhistence exploded. We have been together for 3 years and he has been the only thing holding me together. I freaked out and told him if he left I would die. Literally. And I would. I have been diagnosed with a detatchment disorder--meaning when I was young I didn't bond with my parents. When I find someone I am attatched to, I am severely attatched to them. But I'm flawed because I am afraid to get too close so I try keeping them at a distance. It's all very complicated, but what it comes down to is this. I told him he needed to tell me if he wanted to be with me or not tomorrow. If he wanted to work through it, he needed to cut this other girl out when he doesn't know her very well so that it wouldn't be hard. I'm afraid that he'll throw me to the side--I'm calling a physcologist tomorrow and doing some other things to try and make things better. I just don't know how to explain this without making it sound so trivial. I just need some advice!

I'm sorry can I offer some hugs?

Hi glimmered,

Gosh, 'detachment disorder' - that's me.

There is a lot of pain for those of us who didn't go out into the world with grounded parenting. As you so rightly say we both desire and fear close relationships, so it hurts both ways.

I try to remember that the problem is in my own emotions and not in the person I am relating to. I try not to put too much pressure on any one person, but have a few lighter relationships in my life, and some other supports, including Psych Central.

Whatever happens, I know that another person cannot put the parenting back in for me, it's too late for that. As one therapist friend once said, 'Some people are still looking for their parents, as if they could find one under a bush somewhere, but they can't. Yet, they still go looking".

If we can be strong in ourselves, others will come towards us. I know it's easy to say.

Hope things improve for you.

Myzen,

(((((((((((((((((((((((Glimmered))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((Hugs)))))) if you want them, as him to go to T with you
Angie

I'm thinking of you and wish I could be there.....I'd make you a cup of hot tea and we'd just sit and watch people go by. pat